Fate
by MrsBiteMe
Summary: Sequel to Torn. Bella and Quil have been together happily for two years now, but does fate have other plans in store for them? Rated M. AU. Q/B J/B
1. Growing Up and Growing Together

**Disclaimer: **_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just having fun with the sexy wolf pack._

**An:**_ This is the sequel to my story 'Torn' and while it is recommended that you read that one first so you can fully understand this one, you don't have to. Just know that Quil and Bella got together. Also, if you were happy with the ending of 'Torn', I would proceed with caution, I have lots planned. Don't forget that I have the rating as M just in case I decide to have fun with future chapters. Hope you enjoy!_

_Huge thanks to __**Buff82**__ and __**Wolfbane08**__ for helping me with this chapter. You can thank them for this getting written, I couldn't have done it without them! Check out 'Eclipsed Heart' by __**Buff82**__ if you want a great Edward/Bella story!_

Chapter 1: Growing Up and Growing Together

Quil's excitement made me smile as I watched him fight to reel in the line on his fishing pole. How a grown man, or in that case—wolf, could be so excited over a measly little fish was beyond me, but if Quil was happy, I was happy.

Charlie had invited him along for the ritual weekend fishing trip that my father and Billy Black had been having for longer than either one of us had been alive. Quil, always eager to please my father, had willingly agreed and somehow, with much persuasion from my loving and doting boyfriend, I had been coaxed to join as well.

It was my first attempt at fishing since I was ten and Charlie had dragged me along with him during one of my summer visits. I had sat in the boat, refusing to move until he finally relented and took me back home. Unfortunately, there was no way I was going to be allowed to sit back and watch, seeing as Quil was determined to have me participate in all the 'fun' as he called it.

"That's a big one," Charlie complimented with awe in his voice.

I stood to look at the water where Quil was now reaching down to remove his catch from the hook. I had to turn away from the sight though, not wanting to see the still alive fish with a piece of metal attached to its mouth.

With that sudden movement, however, the so called 'fun' ended all too quickly. It was as if it were happening in slow motion, the boat rocked ever so slightly and I lost my footing. Even Quil was not fast enough to catch me and without further warning I toppled over the side and into the freezing cold water of First Beach.

I sputtered out water as I resurfaced, my teeth chattering as I looked at the three grown men laughing hysterically at my expense.

"Say cheese," Billy teased right before a flash went off in my eyes.

A knock on the door brought me from my memory and I looked up just in time to see Angela poke her head into my room. "You about done packing?" she asked.

I smiled at her, "Yeah, just a few things left. I'll be ready to leave in about an hour or so."

"Ok, I'm gonna finish up in my room and then I'll be ready to go too."

Angela and I had been roommates since freshman year, neither of us wanting to share a room with a complete stranger and therefore thankful that we had each other. Her boyfriend, Ben, was attending UW as well, but was staying in the boys' dorm across campus.

She turned to leave, shutting the door behind her, and I glanced back down at the picture in my hands one more time. Quil and I stood side by side—me soaking wet and glaring, him holding up his large fish and smiling broadly. I shook my head at the memory and carefully placed the photo into the scrapbook beside me.

I took in the room that had been mine for the last two years; boxes lay stacked in one corner near the window and an open one sat atop my desk waiting to be filled. Next year Angela and I would be juniors and that meant a different dorm room. I would never understand why we couldn't just stay in the same room all four years, but at least we had been lucky enough to keep the one we were in thus far.

The only items left to pack were the few things I still had in the drawers of my small desk and the remaining items in the collage I had built across the length of one of my bedroom walls. I had started the collage the month after I moved to Seattle, adding pictures after each time I went home to visit Forks and La Push as well as from when Quil would visit me on campus.

It began with random photos of Quil and I which were situated in the center of them all, ones I hung so I could see his gorgeous face whenever I wanted, and it just grew from there. Movie stubs and fair tickets were tucked randomly between various pictures, each a reminder of my time with Quil.

Off to the right of the wall there were several photos of the 'wolf girls', the name the boys had lovingly given us. Emily, Rachel, Kim, and I were all linked arm in arm, smiling like crazy. Leah, despite being the only true 'wolf girl', wasn't in most of the photos. But we all knew she was still grieving over the situation with and Sam the fact that she was the only girl to ever phase in Quileute history.

To some surprise on my part, it didn't seem to matter to any of them that Quil hadn't imprinted on me; I was still accepted as part of their family. In fact, imprinting was a subject Quil and I avoided as much as possible. Both of us knew it was a possibility, but not a possibility either of us were willing to accept. I would spend as much time as I could get with him and when the time came that he was no longer mine, I would let him go. Getting to be with Quil and being able to love him was worth the risk of losing him.

The opposite section of wall was dedicated to the pack. Pictures of Sam, Embry, Jared, Paul, Jacob and even Seth were scattered everywhere. Them at the beach, our weekly movie night, and a few of the boys during a day of cliff diving. The only ones I didn't have up were the couple that had been taken of each of them while they were in wolf form. Those were not something that I was willing or wanting to discuss with whoever might happen to see them.

Surrounding the center photos were ones that included various poses of my pack family, each one in succession of when it was taken, the oldest being closest to the middle. The wall was similar to a roadmap of my life. You could see every moment I held dear in my heart hanging up there.

One by one I reached up to remove each printed memory before placing it in the scrapbook. I had recently bought it so that I could safely store my photos for the summer. Despite knowing I would be putting these photos up on another wall in just three short months, I couldn't help but feel as if I were closing a chapter in my life by taking them down.

The last photo nearly brought a tear to my eye. It was one of all of us outside Sam's house—Emily, Rachel, Kim, Leah and I sitting across the steps with Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Jacob, and Seth standing behind us, taken before a bonfire on the beach.

It had been a carefree, perfect evening; I even managed to forget that I was leaving for Seattle the following morning. The elders were there, telling the legends of the tribe to the two youngest and newest pack members. I had heard the stories several times before, but was mesmerized none the less, each and every time I listened to Billy Black spoke.

Placing it into the scrapbook, I closed the cover and stood up from the bed, carrying it with me over to the only other piece of furniture left in my room.

There wasn't much left to pack in my desk, just a few stray pencils and notebooks. It wasn't until I came across a stray item in the bottom of the right hand drawer that I found something of interest. I blushed as I looked it over, having forgotten it was in there.

The one and only photo besides those of the wolves that I would never be hanging up in my collage—Quil and I lay side by side, our naked bodies pressed up against one another. My eyes were closed and I looked as if I were sleeping while Quil looked down at me affectionately. You could tell he'd taken the picture himself, but the look of love on his face took my breath away even two years later.

It was taken later in the evening after Quil and I had made love for the first time. An involuntary smile found its way to my lips as I relived the memory of his gentle touch. Footsteps could be heard in the hall so I quickly tucked the photo away at the back of the album before placing it inside the box.

"I'm ready," Angela announced as she flung open my bedroom door for the second time. We had gotten over most of our personal boundaries towards one another since our living arrangement had begun.

"So am I," I told her as I placed the last notepad atop the scrapbook and began taping up the box.

"Good, we have to turn in our room keys to the RA before we can leave."

I looked out the side window of my beloved truck as I drove. _'15 miles to Forks' _the sign stated. My foot pushed down slightly further on the gas pedal, willing the ancient vehicle to go faster. It audibly groaned under the pressure, not wavering from the maximum speed of fifty-five miles per hour.

I was practically vibrating in my seat from excitement. School was officially out for the summer, my dorm was packed, keys turned in, and I was finally going home for more than just a single weekend; home to Forks and La Push, home to Quil. Just the mere thought of his name brought a smile to my face, reminding me that I would be seeing him in just a few short hours.

Sometimes it was hard to believe he and I had been together for two entire years. Once I graduated I left for Washington University in Seattle, making sure to come home every other weekend for a visit. Charlie greatly appreciated that fact as it meant he got a well cooked meal at least twice a month. Quil would always join us for dinner and then for breakfast on Sunday morning before I would make the two hour trip back to school.

Luckily I was able to take my Chevy with me when I left for college. Jake did maintenance on it every time I came in town, making sure it was in stable condition to drive. He and I had remained close friends after finally setting aside the feelings we once shared. We both were agreement that our friendship was more important. We also made a point to get together to ride our motorcycles from time to time.

I managed to get time off work so I could stay in Forks for two entire months before having to go back to Seattle. I had gotten a job at the campus library which barely had traffic coming through during the summer months, so my being there was unnecessary. The job helped, seeing as I was majoring in Literature with a minor in business. My goal was to one day open my own bookshop and café in either Forks or Port Angeles.

Anticipation hit me once again as I began driving through town. I saw the high school off to my right and Newton's sporting goods store where I had worked for a brief period of time. I then chuckled to myself as I passed the diner; Dad has probably been eating there every other night since I moved out and then over at Billy Black's house ever night in between. It had been just over a month since I was last in town, finals and end of school activities had kept me away.

Finally I made the turn onto my old street, driving on auto pilot to my former home. I pulled the truck into the drive, shutting off the roaring engine and smiled broadly when I spotted Charlie already making his way towards me. I stepped out of the cab and enveloped him in a hug.

Charlie and I were still uncomfortable with expressing our emotions towards one another, but we always shared a brief hug upon my arrival. He released me before reaching into the bed of the truck to retrieve my suitcase.

Angela's boyfriend, Ben, had been kind enough to carry down my suitcase and the four packed boxes and load them into my truck before the two of them left separately for Forks in their own car. They were meeting Angela's parents for an early dinner.

"How was the drive?" Charlie asked while we walked side by side into the house.

"Pleasant," I answered simply as I stepped through the front door.

He set my bag down next to the door and I took my time removing my coat and boots before following him into the living room.

"How were finals?" he asked.

My father was not a man of many words but when it came to me and my education he seemed to find a way to speak. Not to mention we had grown closer over the last two years, learning to open up to one another more. "They were good dad. I passed them all so I'm officially a junior now," I boasted.

Charlie beamed and I could tell he was proud of me. It made me once again take notice of how happy I was to have moved in with him when I did. I'd never realized just how much I needed Charlie in my life or how much he needed me in his.

"So what time is the ceremony next Sat?" I inquired. It was the entire reason I was home a week earlier than originally planned. Quil didn't know I was home yet and it was going to be fun to surprise him.

"Noon I think."

I nodded. "Are we meeting everyone there or at Jake's first?"

"I think we're meeting them at Jake and Billy's," he told me as he stood to retrieve a beer from the kitchen. I followed to get a glass of water. I had made the two hour trip without a single stop and was parched.

I jumped while reaching up into a cabinet for a cup as Charlie spoke, "Quil's coming over for dinner." I hadn't realized he was still in the kitchen.

"He told me when I called him this morning. You didn't tell him I was here did you?"

Charlie scoffed. "Who am I to ruin your surprise?" he asked mockingly.

I rolled my eyes and filled the cup with water, taking a long sip. It was strange… as much as I expected for my father to dislike any boy I brought home, he seemed quite taken with Quil. I assumed it partially had to with the fact that in Charlie's eyes, any boy was better than Edward Cullen.

Edward—that was a name I hadn't thought of in quite some time. In over two and half years I hadn't heard from him once. About a year ago Alice contacted me, apologizing profusely for the face she hasn't tried to talk to me sooner. She explained it was Edward who made her promise not to, no surprise there.

I forgave her of course and now she would call once or twice a month to check in. A few months ago she even met me in Seattle and I allowed her to take me shopping. She said that buying me a few nice outfits was the least she could do.

I told her about Quil and she listened intently without judgment. She already knew of the werewolves which made my explaining the situation that much easier. She also came to realize the reasoning for no longer being able to see my future—apparently she can't see the wolves in her visions. Of course that frustrated her to no end while I was simply relieved. I liked the idea of my future being my own to decide.

By now Charlie had returned to his sports and so I took the opportunity to carry my suitcase upstairs to my old room. I had packed only the one suitcase, simply packing my favorite pairs of jeans and long sleeved t-shirts, while leaving everything else in the boxes in my truck. Alice, of course, would disagree with my clothing choices.

It took me only a few minutes to unpack, hanging a couple items in the closet and placing the rest in my old dresser. The travel of the day and the fact that I would be seeing Quil in less than an hour prompted me to take a shower so I grabbed my toiletries and a change of clothes before heading off to the bathroom.

A nice warm shower later, and I was ready to start dinner.

No sooner had I stepped foot into the kitchen when the doorbell rang. I broke out in a cheeky smile before darting towards the door. "I'll get it!" I called out over my shoulder on the way.


	2. Stuck Under You

_**Disclaimer: **__Twilight belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer._

_**An: **__HUGE thanks to those of you who reviewed the first chapter, each one completely made writing this worth it! I hope you keep those awesome reviews coming. This is shorter and I'm sorry for the delay, I've had some personal stuff that kept me from updating. Also, if you haven't already checked out my Quil/Bella one shot, 'Loving You', you should. It's lemony good._

_Thanks once again to __**Wolfbane08**__ and __**Buff82**__ for helping me out. _

Chapter 2: Stuck Under You

I flung the door open, my grin widening even more if it were possible. There stood Quil in his dark washed jeans and black fitted t-shirt that showed off his muscles in all the right ways. I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms securely around his neck and buried my face in his chest while breathing in his intoxicating scent.

He wrapped his own arms around my waist to pull me closer, nuzzling his face into my hair. I could feel the vibrations in his chest as he laughed at my antics. "Miss me or something?"

"Mmm," was all that managed to escape my lips. I was too content in the moment; a month apart had been too long and I didn't want to let him go.

He laughed again. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Bella," I heard my dad start to say, "let the poor kid go so he can come in the house." I had taken too long and he had come to see who was at the door.

Quil stood up straighter, but I kept my grip around him. "Nice to see you again Chief Swan." He still wouldn't call him Charlie.

I blushed with embarrassment and released Quil from my grasp. "Sorry," I mumbled.

Quil leaned down to whisper in my ear as he followed me into the house, "I'm not." His breath fanning my skin made me shiver. I heard him chuckle softly… he knew exactly what he did to me.

But I was not about to let him get to me. We would have plenty of time for… _that _later. Realization dawned on me then and I stopped abruptly in the doorway to the kitchen, turning to face him.

"You don't seem very surprised to see me here," I stated, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

A sly grin spread across his face. "I don't know what you're talking about, I'm thoroughly surprised," he said while feigning innocence.

I arched one eyebrow and placed my hand on my hip. "Uh huh… who was it? Dad or Jake?"

He rolled his eyes while looking a bit sheepish as he answered, "Jake."

"That's what I thought," I smirked.

"Well, in his defense it's a bit hard to keep secrets from the pack. He can't keep his mind blocked _all _the time."

"Uh huh." I rolled my eyes, smirk still in place, but allowed myself to scan over Quil's drool worthy appearance once more before turning back around towards the kitchen to start gathering the ingredients for dinner. Cooking would be a good distraction anyway. Quil loved to cook almost as much as I did.

In fact it was becoming something of a tradition for us. Whenever I was in town and he'd join us for dinner, Quil would insist on helping me in the kitchen. Sometimes we'd make one his recipe's, sometimes one of mine, but either way we were together.

My plans for distraction backfired, however, as I felt myself being cornered against one of the countertops. I stopped mid reach for the bowl I wanted and slowly turned around. Quil's usually dark brown eyes were nearly black and his gaze bore into mine with such intensity.

I _knew_ that look.

"I think you forgot something," he told me seductively, his voice low and husky.

"I did?" I squeaked. Two words were about all I was going to be able to say anyway when he was looking at me like that. He had a way of making my legs turn to Jell-O without even touching me.

"Yes…," he breathed before leaning down and pressing his lips firmly against mine.

_Oh yes… I did forget something._ Our lips molded together and instantly the passion I felt for him lit through me. It had been a month since we'd last kissed and I was hungry with desire. He started to pull back too quickly for my liking, causing me to frown and lean up to kiss him again.

His tongue traced along my lower lip and I opened my mouth to allow him to deepen the kiss. The slight moan that escaped me was beyond my control. The heat of his mouth was driving me crazy and I had gone too long without feeling it.

My fingers flitted across his chest, feeling his sculpted muscles through the cotton fabric. I ran my hands up and around to fist the hair at the nape of his neck. _Oh how I wanted him at that moment_. Pressing myself into him until I was flush against his body, I was suddenly made aware of just how much he wanted me as well.

It was enough to snap me back into reality and to cause logical Bella decided to make herself known, reminding me that Charlie was still in the other room. Reluctantly, I pushed him back away from me.

"Later," I promised, staring into his eyes and trying not to get lost in them once more.

His grin let me know he was promising for later also.

Together we worked making dinner for ourselves and Charlie. Prepping, preparing, and serving in sync with one another. It was times like that that I could envision our future together—cooking dinner in our little house in La Push, making large meals for the pack who would visit often, and then falling asleep each night in each other's arms.

I had never thought much of marriage, but I knew that if Quil were to ask me I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. He had become my everything and I never wanted to let him go. There was a voice in the back of my head that reminded me I may have to one day, but I squashed that thought anytime it tried to surface.

Besides, Quil was only just graduating high school; marriage was most likely the last thing on his mind. He may have looked twenty-five, but in reality he was only eighteen.

Charlie, Quil, and I sat together around our mismatched kitchen table just as we always did each evening I was home. They discussed the sports stats or the newest fishing equipment my father had bought. Meanwhile, I sat back watching the two of them and smiling at how many different ways Quil was already a part of my family.

"You finishing up your finals this week, then?" I heard Charlie ask, drawing my attention back into the conversation.

"Yes sir. Got three left and then I'm officially graduated," Quil beamed proudly.

"Well make sure you don't stay too late so you can study. Let's make sure you get that diploma." I suppressed a giggle at Charlie acting all father like towards my boyfriend. It really went to show how much he cared about him.

With that he got up from the table and placed his plate in the sink before heading off to the living room. I stood to finish clearing the table; Quil followed me to the sink with the remaining dishes I couldn't carry. He washed, I dried.

"You're coming back right?" I asked as I walked him to the door that night.

"Of course," he smiled and then leaned down to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I watched him run across the yard and into the trees before I shut the door and headed upstairs to my room.

I was faintly aware of someone crawling into bed next to me sometime during the night. I had fallen asleep around ten while waiting for Quil to return, exhausted from the packing of my dorm and the drive to Forks earlier in the day.

My body instinctively snuggled into the warm form behind me as who I assumed to be Quil wrapped his arm around my waist. My sleep induced mind sighed with relief at having him near and I easily fell back into a deep, restful sleep.

"Good night Bella, I love you," he whispered and then kissed the top of my head.

"I love you too," I murmured sleepily, my words slurred and muffled by my pillow.

A loud thud woke me early in the morning. Startled, I shot straight up in bed and looked to the doorway to see Charlie standing there. My eyes quickly and discreetly glanced to my side to see if Quil was still lying next to me but thankfully I found the bed empty.

"I gotta head into work early, but I'll be home later," my dad was telling me.

The groggy haze of my brain began to subside enough for me to respond. "Sounds good, I'll probably be out in La Push today."

"Don't worry about dinner." And with that he closed the door and left, a small smirk on his face. It was unusual for my father to come by my room before work and that smirk? _What was up with that_?

My heart was still pounding in my chest from almost being caught in bed—in Charlie's house—with my boyfriend. I don't care _how _much my father liked Quil… there was _no way_ he'd be ok with us sharing a bed at night under his roof.

"Quil?" I questioned after a moment when I looked around the room and still didn't see him. I stood from the bed and walked over to the closet, peeking inside to see if he'd hidden in there.

"Bella," a strained voice spoke from near my bed.

I looked over, confused when I saw no one.

"Down here," the voice sounded again.

My gaze shifted downward to the underside of the bed only to find Quil lying contorted and half under my antique oak bed, looking like all too much like Poppa Bear hiding under Baby Bear's bed.

"I think I'm stuck," he admitted as he attempted to move out from the confined space.

I couldn't help it—the sight was too much and I buckled over in laughter.

Quil frowned. "It's not funny Bella. I'm really stuck."

His petulant face only fueled my hysterics and tear began rolling down my cheeks as I clutched my sides and slide down to the wall to sit on the floor. "Oh my god…. Honey, you're too funny," I gasped out in between fits of laughter. Quil's frown only deepened.

"Maybe if I moved the bed…" he trailed off and started an effort to maneuver himself into a position to move the solid oak wood bed, but was rendered unsuccessful. He began to try again before I shouted out to him as my laughter died down to a controllable level.

"Don't you dare break my bed," I warned before gathering myself enough to crawl over to the bed and reached for his arm. How my 5'3'', 110lb frame was supposed to pull his 6'5'' self out from under the bed was beyond me, but I figured it was worth a shot.

Ten minutes later, a poor attempt at moving the bed myself, and no progress left me in another bought of hysterics and Quil utterly embarrassed and irritated. After much protest on his part I talked him into allowing me to get some help, but not before I grabbed my camera from atop the dresser and snapped a quick shot to add to the scrapbook.

My stomach hurt like hell from the overuse of my muscles while laughing, so I somewhat painfully made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen to use the phone. I decided to call the one person I knew would appreciate the humor of the situation.

"Hello?" he answered on the second ring.

"Hey Jake, It's Bella," I giggled, still picturing the scene from my bedroom.

"Bells, you're home!" he shouted into the receiver enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I got in yesterday. Listen… could you come over and give me a hand?" By now the giggles were increasing and I wasn't sure I'd be able to explain the exact predicament that warranted his help.

"Um… sure…," he sounded weary, but agreed anyway, "I'll be there in a fifteen minutes. What do you need my help with?"

"Oh, you'll see when you get here." And with that I hung up the phone.


	3. Unexpected Issues

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_I'm sure we all know I'm sorry for keeping you waiting for this chapter, even if it is on the short side. I feel bad that I'm not updating as often as I did with 'Torn', but real life is stressful at the moment so I'm writing when I have free time. _

_As always, thank you to those of you who are reviewing and thank you to __**Buff82**__ for helping me with this seemingly impossible chapter. You should repay her by reading 'Eclipsed Heart' and leaving a review. Without her, there would be no update._

Chapter 3: Unexpected Issues

"Oh my god, you should have seen him," I laughed, attempting to tell the pack the story of Quil getting 'stuck' under the bed as we sat around Emily and Sam's living room that Friday night. "I woke up to this loud thud and then my door swung open and Charlie stepped in. I had no idea where Quil had gone, but once Charlie left I couldn't find him anywhere," I paused to catch my breath as giggles forced their way up my throat, "and all I hear is his muffled voice calling my name. I look around and that's when I see him, contorted and half under the bed—completely stuck."

Quil scoffed, "I was NOT stuck. You just didn't want me to break your bed so you wouldn't let me try to get out from under it."

"That is true, but you couldn't have gotten the leverage to lift the frame up anyway. I watched you try."

"So how'd you end up getting out?" Seth asked from his seat on the floor.

"I had to come over and help his sorry ass," Jake snickered from across the room.

The rest of the guys joined in the laughter before Seth looked over at Jake. "This I have to see."

I watched as Jake smiled broadly, getting up to walk outside while Seth followed closely behind. I could only assume that they were going outside so they could phase and Jake could 'show' him what happened.

"I'm gotta see this too." With that Embry darted out the door after them.

Quil groaned and I nestled further into his lap, trying to get as close to him as possible. "You do know the guys are never gonna let me live this down?" he pouted quietly in my ear.

I couldn't help but giggle once again. "I know baby, but it'll be alright."

We were all gathered around Sam and Emily's for our weekly Friday night movie night. It was something that had started the summer after I graduated from High School as a way for us all to hang out and spend time together.

I would join them on my weekend's home and Quil would keep me updated on the happenings for the weeks I was absent. More often than not the updates would include a variety of pranks from either Embry or Seth.

Our most memorable movie night to date was the one where Jake's sister, Rachel, came home to visit about a year ago. She joined us for the evening and Paul of all people had to go and imprint on her. I swear, I don't think I'd ever seen Jake look so pissed in all the years I'd known him.

It was the one rare moment where I'd actually been a little terrified of him as I watched his entire body vibrate in anger. Quil had protectively pushed me behind him while Sam and Jared each grabbed an arm and dragged poor Jacob outside to cool down.

Once all was said and done and Rachel had been explained the truth of the tribe's legends we were all quite amused because she wouldn't even give Paul the time of day. While it was assumed that imprintees would automatically be attracted to the one that imprints on them, we realized that was not the case. Apparently Paul's reputation as a 'bad ass' had made its way around, leaving Rachel unwilling to accept his advances.

We watched for three months as he worked his ass off in order to gain her interest and then another two winning her over. But, on the other hand, those months also gave Jacob time to accept the fate of his sister's life as a pack girl and to understand he could do nothing to change it.

Tonight was all about celebrating the end of finals for Quil, Embry, and Jacob. The three boys would walk across stage the following day, receive their diplomas, and finally be considered High School graduates.

"I love you," Quil's soft, seductive voice crooned to me. "I can't believe I've got you all to myself for two whole months. I hate it when you have to go back to school." His arms squeezed tighter around my waist.

"Mmm… I know. I miss you so much. I wish you could be going to school with me in the fall." I knew it wasn't possible; Quil had his pack duties and his loyalties to the tribe. There was no way he'd be able to go to school two hours away.

The boys had been talking about opening their own auto repair shop and perhaps taking some classes online so they could earn a business degree in order to run the shop themselves. For all their sakes I hoped they'd achieve their dream; while the pack was a number one priority, they also each needed a life outside of it.

"I know," he told me solemnly.

"It's ok, I know why you can't. You should be here anyway, this is where you belong," I reassured him and then leaned forward to press my lips against his for a quick, loving kiss.

"Get a room!" Embry shouted at us, the front door slamming shut as Jacob and Seth walked in behind him.

Quil growled and threw the nearest pillow at Embry who caught it before it could hit him. "A pillow, seriously?" he taunted, smiling broadly.

"Shut up jackass, it's all I had."

Embry, Jake, and Seth reassumed their previous seats and Emily stood to pop in the movie of choice for the night. I snuggled impossibly closer to Quil, relishing in his warmth and unwilling to be even an inch away from his body. His body tensed as I did so, but relaxed almost immediately so I ignored it.

He had been so busy with finals, the end of school, and patrols that by the time he'd sneak into my room at night he was so tired he'd instantly fall asleep. Unfortunately that left no time for _other _things.

We watched the small television screen while curled up close together. I could feel sleep wanting to claim me several times, but I made sure to keep myself awake—I was hopeful that now that Quil was done with school and off of patrols for the evening that perhaps we could spend some much needed time together.

"Are you staying over tonight?" I asked him as we both stood to stretch our muscles once the movie was over. It was pretty much a formality to ask because there was no real reason he wouldn't stay over, but I asked none the less.

"Do you want me to stay over?" I glanced up to see him eyeing me with an expression I didn't understand.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged, "No reason."

I grabbed my jacket from by the door, still wondering what could have made Quil ask me that question. I _always_ wanted him to stay over. There hadn't been a time while I was home where he hadn't in the last two years.

We sat in silence on the ride back to my house. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I could sense that something was bothering him and therefore stayed quiet while he worked through whatever it was.

Charlie was already asleep when I entered; Quil had opted to climb through my bedroom window and wait for me as opposed to risking being caught downstairs if Charlie should wake. I didn't blame him—my father did own a gun after all.

Quil was already sprawled across my bed, eyes closed, waiting for me. I smiled and took a moment to watch him; he looked so peaceful lying there. It wasn't often anymore that he had time to relax so it was comforting to see.

"You coming to bed or are you just going to stand there?" He opened one eye and looked over at me hovering in the doorway.

"I love you," I blurted out instinctively because even though I told him daily, I felt as if it needed to be said at that moment. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

I looked at him questioningly while shutting the door and walking further into the room. "Baby, what's wrong?"

He sighed and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Do you ever think that I'm holding you back?"

His voice was quiet and strained, as if he didn't honestly want to know the answer but asked anyway. What I could see of his expression seemed pained which concerned me and made my heart rate increase in anxiety.

Not only that, but the question caught me off guard, making it take a moment for me to form a response. "Never," I answered him honestly as I sat on the bed next to him.

He threw both hands down on either side of his body in frustration, causing me to jump slightly. "Bella, seriously, I can't ever leave the reservation. I'm bound to the pack and you…" he paused and took a deep breath, "you're going places. I don't want you to ever regret staying here to be with me."

My mind was reeling, _how could he think that I'd ever regret being with him?_

"Where is this coming from?" I had to ask because Quil had never mentioned the issue before. Perhaps he was nervous about his graduation ceremony the following day or the stress of the week had gotten to him.

"I'm being realistic. You can't tell me that in five or ten years that you're not going to regret having stayed in La Push instead of going off to Seattle or something to become a famous writer or whatever equally fantastic thing I know you're going to do."

Suddenly I was angry, _very_ angry. "What the hell?" I shouted before remembering Charlie was asleep in the next room and quieted myself down to an angry whisper. "You don't get to tell me how I'm going to feel! Because quite frankly, I will _never _regret spending my life with someone I love so much." Quil's eyes widened at my sudden outburst and I could see the conflicting emotions flitting through them.

"I love _you_," my voice was fierce and determined; I wanted to make him understand just how much I meant every word. "I want _you, _no one else so don't even try to push me away." He sighed in defeat and nodded silently.

"I love you too," he murmured before reaching out to pull me down against him. I leaned up to kiss him hard on the mouth, pouring all my emotions into it. His lips pushed against mine, returning the kiss with equal fervor.

I hitched my leg over his hip as his arms wrapped tighter around my waist, shifting myself closer until we were flush against one another. The movement caused me to brush against him and we both moaned at the sensation.

"I need you," I whispered through panted breaths, "Let me show you how much I love you."

We were a frenzy of hands as we each attempted to peel off our clothes as quickly as possible. He'd heard how much I wanted him, how much I wanted to be with him, but I needed to physically show him so he'd never be left wondering again.

I loved every inch of his body—kissing, nipping, and licking my way over his silken skin. And when we finally joined as one, we made love slowly and passionately. We were promising a life time to one another; there was no need to rush.

We both fell asleep curled up together with his arm around my waist and his face pressed into my hair. It was like coming home, my body was at full peace with Quil's wrapped around me. It was just more affirmation in my mind that he was what I wanted, what I needed—always.

**An: **_Happy New Year everyone! Let's start the year off right by reviewing!_


	4. Candy Apple Red

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_My apologizes, this was supposed to be posted last Friday, but my birthday was Saturday and since I was going out of town my lovely husband decided to take me out Friday night. Since then writer's block has been kicking my butt, but you can blame the hubby for your delayed reading… I usually do. _

_Thanks as always to my awesome beta __**Buff82**__, she rocks._

Chapter 4: Candy Apple Red

I woke early the next morning, alone—a note on my pillow the only indication that Quil had been there.

_-Bella_

_Didn't want to wake you, had to leave to get ready. See you at the school. I love you._

_-Quil_

Smiling at his words, I placed the scrap of paper in my nightstand drawer along with the many others he had written to me over the years. A yawn forced its way out of me as I stretched my arms above my head, shaking off the last remnants of sleep.

It saddened me that he had once again slipped out of my room while I was still sleeping; however, I also knew he had a big day ahead of him that required a lot of preparation. Not only would he have to get ready for his impending high school graduation ceremony, he was also helping to set up for the bonfire they were having in La Push that evening.

Having three members of their pack getting a diploma was a big cause for celebration, and celebrate was exactly what they planned to do. The ceremony was at ten and the bonfire started at six, the time between saved for preparation of food and such.

I glanced quickly at my alarm clock, hoping I hadn't slept in too much. The glowing red numbers flashed 7:00, leaving me with plenty of time for a shower and breakfast. Charlie's open bedroom door as I headed for the bathroom let me know he was already awake for the day.

Once showered and back in my room I was thankful to Alice and our renewed friendship. It meant I wasn't left with much decision making as to what I should wear for the day. A package had arrived to my dorm room a week before I left for Forks, a quick note inside stating I should wear the approved outfit as opposed to the jeans and sweater ensemble she had apparently 'seen' me choose.

I had snorted rather loudly when I read that, but decided to play nice and bring the dress- yes, _dress, _along with me in hopes that at least Quil would enjoy seeing me wear it. Alice had also added a new pair of designer jeans and fitted sweater to the box saying I should wear them to the bonfire/grad party. The only thing I had no plans on wearing were the heels that she had added for the dress, instead opting for a pair of ballet flats I had bought on a previous shopping trip with her.

The last thing I needed was to trip—more so than usual anyway—and embarrass my sexy as hell boyfriend on his special day. It took me hardly any time at all to dress and I went back into the bathroom to brush through my long wavy hair, letting it air dry. Quil always seemed to like running his fingers through it anyway.

Downstairs I found a note from Charlie stating that he was already over at the Black's house and that I should join him when I was awake and ready. Apparently our plans to meet at the La Push High School had changed.

I poured a bowl of cereal, inhaling it quickly before grabbing my keys and heading for my truck.

My truck rumbled to a stop and I parked in front of the familiar red house, not bothering to knock before I simply walked inside. Dad and Billy were seated in the living room, beers in hand. I took note that Charlie had put on his rarely worn dress shirt and pants, quite sure the last time I'd seen him wear it was at my own graduation.

"He's in his room," Billy said to me without breaking his gaze from the television.

"Thanks," I chirped on my way down the hall. The door to Jacob's room was closed and I paused briefly outside it, debating whether or not I should knock or just walk right in. Figuring we'd never really been ones to worry about privacy, I reached forward and grabbed the handle.

The door flung open and froze, wishing with everything I had that I had decided to knock instead. There, in the middle of his cramped up room, was Jacob—Bare. Ass. Naked.

It took all of thirty seconds for me to throw my hand over my eyes and squeak out a surprised, "Oh," while trying to feel around for the door handle once more to pull it shut. I knew my face was most likely a brilliant shade of candy apple red, but it couldn't be helped.

In the few short seconds I'd seen him I'd already had the image of his naked body seared into my mind. There was no way I could _not_ notice him if you knew what I meant, and up until that point I'd only seen one man naked and that happened to be my boyfriend.

"Bella?" Jake's voice called to me through the door.

"Yeah?" I responded timidly, still trying to calm myself from the situation.

"You can come in now."

I cautiously opened the door, parting it slowly inch by inch, before I entered the room for the second time. Even with his russet colored skin I could see a faint blush in Jake's cheeks, letting me know that the situation had been embarrassing to not only me, but him as well.

He'd since wrapped a towel around his lower half, but left his upper body exposed as he rifled through the various crap scattered around the room. The blush that had begun to recede from my cheeks warmed my skin again.

"Um… Jake?"

He stopped digging through the stuff on his desk and turned to glance my way.

"Could… could you maybe put some clothes on?" I asked, still not comfortable with his state of undress. He typically wore just as little clothing when clad in only his cut off shorts and no shirt, but somehow in that room and having him in nothing but a towel made it feel much more intimate than it should have been.

His eyes widen slightly with understanding of my discomfort. "Sure, sure." Jake disappeared behind his closet door momentarily, grabbing a hanger with what looked like recently ironed dress clothes. He walked past me out of his room and across the hall into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Feeling much more at ease with the knowledge that he would no longer be half naked—or even completely naked—I ventured further into the room and sat down on the edge of his bed. Jacob returned minutes later, fully dressed, and I sighed a breath of relief.

"Don't you clean up well," I teased, settling back into our playful, easy relationship.

He rolled his eyes dramatically. "Gee, thanks Bells."

An hour later, Jacob and I were riding side by side in his rabbit while Charlie and Billy followed behind us in the cruiser. Despite the fact that I would be dropping Jacob off at Sam's after the ceremony, he insisted on driving stating that it was some kind of 'Right of Passage' or something since it was _his_ graduation day. I just rolled my eyes and let him think that it made sense.

It didn't matter to me much except that we would have to stop by his house to retrieve my truck before I could take him to Sam's and then return home. I still hadn't seen Quil that day and it was making me anxious. I didn't like being away from him for long and especially on such an important day in his life.

The school on the reservation wasn't very large, but when we arrived most of the parking lot had been filled. It seemed that nearly every person in La Push was in attendance, not that it should have been surprising what with the bond between families that were shared within the tribe.

Jacob took my hand once we were out of the car and I smiled, reassuring him it was ok. I knew the gesture was nothing more than friendly, and even though we were two years past our 'relationship' it was nice that we could still be the Jake and Bells we once were.

Quil was waiting outside the main doors when we walked up. I released Jake's hand and ran up to him, wrapping my arms around him affectionately. He kissed me chastely, most likely noting Charlie's presence behind me.

"Hey graduate." I could practically hear the smile in my voice.

He chuckled softly. "I'm not a graduate yet. Give me an hour."

I rolled my eyes and pecked him once more on the lips. "Close enough."

By the time I said my 'good lucks' and 'I love yous' to Quil, Charlie and Billy had already found their seats inside. They motioned me over and I made my way to my seat, smiling to each of the people I recognized along the way. Quil's parents were seated in front of me beside Embry's Mom. Each of whom turned around to quickly ask about school and how my summer was going thus far.

We quieted down when the principal began to speak and focused our attention on the three boys that meant the most to each one of us. I picked Quil out from the group of students near the front. He smiled and gave a little wave, to which I blushed and smiled back.

I was beyond proud of him and everything he had accomplished. I knew being a member of the wolf pack was hard on him, but he had managed that and going to school and even making time for me every chance he got. Being able to juggle so many things at his young age without being given the choice made him that much more extraordinary in my eyes.

It didn't matter that both Jake and Embry had essentially done the same thing. What mattered was that the boy I had fallen in love with had become a man before my eyes and I loved him all the more for it.

I heard Quil's name being called and watched as he walked across the stage with his head held high and a huge grin on his face. Only he wasn't watching the principal, the teachers, or even his friends and family as he accepted his diploma—instead, he was watching me; eyes piercing my gaze from far across the room.

Yet another blush crept its way into my cheeks, but I grinned back anyway without ever looking away. It was as if he could see straight into my soul and suddenly I felt bare—naked for the world to see. He broke the trance first, having to step off stage and return to his seat. I knew my cheeks were still burning candy apple red and I didn't dare look to see if Charlie had noticed our intimate exchange.

Jake's name was called next with Embry's not far after. Charlie and Billy attempted to embarrass them by whistling and yelling as loud as they could, not that it had any effect on either boy. My mind however, was still replaying the intimate moment Quil and I had shared.

Even from my seat I had seen the emotion, the love, the intensity in Quil's eyes. I loved him too—with my whole heart, but it was then that I truly realized what I wanted for my life. I wanted Quil, forever and always, not matter what. Age didn't matter, having to stay in Forks because of the pack didn't matter, not even our limited visitation over the next two years mattered—I'd take him anyway I could have him.

The revelation hit me fast and strong, but I didn't falter in my thoughts. It all felt so… _right_.

"Bella?" a voice interrupted my thoughts and I turned to see my Dad looking at me expectantly. _Shit… he'd said something and I wasn't paying attention. _When I glanced around I noticed that people were getting ready to leave and I realized I must have been out of it for longer than I thought.

I shook my head to clear it before answering. "Yes?"

Charlie eyed me suspiciously but didn't say a word. Billy, on the other hand, gave one of his knowing smirks. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes and glare at him. "I'm gonna take Billy on home and hang out there till tonight. You going with Jake?"

"Yeah," I nodded my head for emphasis, "he's taking me to get my truck and then I'm dropping him off at Sam's so he can set up for the bonfire."

"Are you staying around here or going back to Forks?"

I wasn't sure what was with the twenty questions, but I answered anyway, shrugging my shoulder in the process. "Umm… I might see if Emily needs any help, but if not I'll just go home. Probably need to get some rest since I'll be up late tonight."

Jake was outside leaning against the wall when I exited the doors we'd come in from. "Where's Quil?" I asked him, because I still hadn't seen him since he'd walked across the stage and I wanted to tell him I loved him one more time before we went our separate ways for the day.

"He said to tell you he had a lot to get done for the bonfire and that he'd see you tonight," Jake answered as if he'd been repeating the sentence over and over until he saw me. I couldn't help the pout that settled on my face at the thought of not seeing Quil for several more hours. "He also said to tell you he loves you," he continued.

The corner of my mouth twitched as Jake slung one arm around my shoulders and guided me toward the parking lot. We stopped by his house first so he could change into more casual clothing—i.e. nothing but shorts and a t-shirt, no shoes—and also so I could pick up my truck.

I half hoped to see Quil when we pulled up in front of Sam and Emily's, but was disappointed to find he was nowhere in sight. However, I had managed to find a flustered looking Emily. "Honey, please don't touch that," her sweet voice chastised and I rounded the corner to see her speaking to a little girl who strongly resembled herself. Jake had headed off toward the beach and I had come inside to see if help was needed.

The little girl frowned briefly, but turned and smiled when she saw me standing there. "Hi there," I told her with a smile. "My name's Bella."

"I'm Claire," she boasted proudly, just as I assumed any child her age would. Emily stood and turned to face me at the sound of my voice.

"Hey Bella, this is my niece," she explained.

"She's cute." I had never been around children, being an only child and both my parents were only children. But I was instantly taken with Claire, with her ebony hair, chocolate brown eyes, and delicate little face—she was adorable.

"My sister dropped her off to visit for the week, but I didn't realize how difficult it would be to cook and watch her at the same time."

The words spilled out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying, "I'll keep an eye on her."

Emily sighed heavily in relief. "Would you?" I could hear the hope in her voice and I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Sure, sure, no problem. Want us to hang out here or would you rather I take her to Charlie's and come back later?"

Something flashed in her eyes, as if suddenly remembering something. "Come back later." The words were immediate and rushed and I couldn't help but cock an eyebrow at her in question.

She smiled sweetly; all traces of whatever it was were gone. "I just think I'll get more done if I had the house to myself and could focus."

I smiled back and turned my attention to Claire. "How would you like to go to my house?"

She nodded excitedly and launched herself at me, wrapping her tiny arms around my legs in a hug. I leaned down to scoop her in my arms and carried her outside to my truck. Emily followed me out, handing me a small booster seat.

"We're riding in this?" Claire asked and I couldn't decide if she sounded excited or terrified.

"Yes, this is my truck. Do you like it?" I asked as I lifted her into the seat and latched the buckle.

She giggled and squirmed under the buckle. "It's so old," she laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh with her. "Yes, yes it is."

"It's like a dinosaur!" She exclaimed and clapped her hands. I smiled back, her happiness was truly infectious. Anyone else ragging on my truck would have earned themselves a stern glaring, but I could already feel that she had me wrapped around her little finger. _This should be interesting, _I thought as I closed the door to my truck.

**An: **_Reviews make great belated birthday gifts… just sayin'…._


	5. Secrets and Surprises

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_Two chapters in less than a week? Oh my! But no, hell hasn't frozen over, I was just feeling creative, and I ran with it._

_So … I made a mistake last chapter, who knows what it was? It was pretty big, so whoever gets it right will get to ask one question about this story and I'll answer. Can be any question you want, but I've already fixed my error, so good luck. _

_In the meantime, let's all find out what's been going on in Quil's head, shall we?_

_Big thanks to __**Buff82**__, she helps keep my shit together and remains my voice of reason when I try to write things at 2am that make no sense at all. She's awesome._

Chapter 5: Secrets and Surprises

**QPOV**

_I'd seen countless boring romantic movies where the guy sees the girl for the first time and the world stops all around him. Time suspends and wind blows through her hair, tousling it about. It was something I had always made fun of whenever Bella forced me to watch those types of movies. _

_And then it happened to me._

_I walked through the door and there she sat, snuggled into a velvety pillow while glowing in all her glory; a halo of light highlighting her small form. She fucking glistened._

_The world did stop around me, my body froze, and the shock of a million emotions exploded through me. My heart swelled in my chest and for a moment I feared it may burst. She was perfect, she was the one._

_When the world did start moving again it was in slow motion. The earth seemed to shift and gravity pulled me towards her. _

"You're so pussy whipped," Paul's inner voice snorted at me, interrupting my memories. A shot of nerves jolted through me as I quickly blocked my thoughts. It still amazed me that I had been able to keep my secret for the past six months, even from most of the pack.

"Shut the hell up!" I mentally shouted at him. While Paul had mellowed out since imprinting on Jake's sister, Rachel, it didn't mean he wasn't still an ass whenever the opportunity presented itself.

I could tell he was getting ready to say something else, but thankfully Jake cut in and told him to knock it off. The two were running a quick early morning patrol before the festivities for the day began. I snickered to myself, because it wasn't the fact that Jake was the pack beta that caused Paul to listen, it was the fact that if he didn't, Jake would make it difficult for Paul to have alone time with Rachel.

A glimpse into Paul's thoughts let me know I was right.

I phased back once I reached the woods outside my house. My thoughts being my own once again allowed me to think back to earlier that morning.

I hated having to slip out of Bella's room while she was still sleeping, but I also couldn't bring myself to wake her. She sighed in contentment and snuggled closer to my body. I smiled instinctively, loving how she felt against me.

Last night when Bella had brought up college and her wishes of wanting me with her… it was as if something inside of my just snapped. I couldn't give her those things and it made me doubt that she'd want to continue being with me while knowing that fact.

It took everything I had to not let her see that her words had bothered me, but I should've known better. Bella could always see right through me. It was one of the reasons I loved her so much. And then she surprised the hell out of me when she told me that none of it mattered. That she just wanted _me. _

She was actually _angry _that I had suggested she wouldn't want to be with me. The fire behind her eyes and the threatening tone she attempted towards me left me amazed, and if possible, a little more in love with her than I had been before.

Knowing that she was ok with how our life would have to be; a life on the reservation that would include me hopefully working at my own garage alongside Jake and Embry while we continued running the pack. And I would make sure that I helped Bella achieve whatever she needed in order to be happy in that life. The things she had said to me the night before filled me with hope, a hope I never wanted to lose.

A ghost of a smile played across Bella's face as I watched her sleep. I reached my hand up to tuck an errant strand of her gorgeous hair behind her ear and then leaned down to place a soft kiss on her temple. The smile she wore widened and her mouth fell open slightly.

"Quil…" she breathed, causing my heart to soar.

I knew if I didn't leave right then that I might not do so at all, so I forced myself from her bed while being ever so careful as to not disturb the sleeping beauty beside me.

Removing my shorts to tie to my leg once I was under the cover of trees, I phased. The feeling of being in my wolf form was always somewhat freeing and I reveled in the peacefulness it gave me. My nerves were catching up with me and it had nothing to do with the graduation ceremony that would be taking place in just a few short hours.

I'd had little time during the week to worry about the events I had planned for that evening. Bella showing up in Forks a week early had certainly been a surprise, albeit a wonderful surprise. I just wished I had been able to see more of her than the mere 'hello' and 'goodnight' each evening before I'd pass out in her bed from sheer exhaustion.

In a way I guess it was better because it left me with less time to analyze Bella and our relationship, giving me less time to doubt myself and my plans.

Bella was supposed to be meeting at the high school along with everyone else, so I took my time getting ready. Mom insisted that I wear dress pants and a nice shirt, and bit back the urge to argue with her on the point. In reality I didn't mind so much, because I liked looking nice for Bella. She seemed to especially like me in my button down—not as much as she liked me in no shirt at all—but still, it was enough for me agree with my mom and put on the recommended attire.

With left over time to spare, I told my parents that I had to run over to Sam's real quick and that I would see them at the school later on. There was no way to not risk dirtying my clothes if I phased, so I reluctantly walked the entire way to the little house on the other side of La Push.

It was actually Emily I had wanted to see and not Sam. Their house had an open door policy for the most part, so I didn't bother knocking. I found her in the kitchen, the same place she could usually be found, getting ready to pull muffins from the oven.

"Morning, Sam's not home," she said as she placed the pan on top of the burners to cool.

"Uh… yeah, I'm actually not here to see Sam," I explained nervously.

"Oh?" she quirked an eyebrow at me as she wiped her hands on her apron.

"Yeah, I was hoping you could make sure Bella doesn't wander around La Push today? Maybe keep her busy or something?"

She smiled knowingly at me. "I can do that, but would you like to tell me _why _I'm doing it?"

I freaking blushed. Emily Young had made me blush over one simple question, but she was rather intimidating looking at me like she was—all expectant and shit. I couldn't help but spill my entire plan for the evening, and then I held my breath waiting for her reaction. For her to tell me it was all a stupid idea or something equally as bad.

Instead she grinned brightly and wrapped me in a hug. "That sounds perfect. She'll love it."

With those words alone, I was soaring once again. If Emily thought it was good, then I couldn't doubt it either. I thanked her and left, realizing it was time for me to head over to the High School.

Cars were already filing into the parking lot, and I spotted my parents pulling in just as I walked up. I told them I'd meet them after the ceremony, let them each give me a hug for good luck, and then found myself a place to stand near the set of double doors.

I'd only been standing there for maybe ten minutes when I recognized Jake's car near the back of the lot. Charlie's cruiser, driving behind it, was easier to notice.

Bella stepped out of the passenger side and I couldn't help the twinge of jealously that bubbled up inside me when I saw him take her hand. It was completely unnecessary since I knew they didn't have those types of feelings for one another anymore, but it didn't stop the emotion from making itself known anyway.

When I realized what Bella was _wearing_, all other coherent thoughts left my mind. She was in a dress of all things. I had seen Bella wear a skirt once or twice, but I had never seen her in a dress before. I wasn't long before I noticed myself having… uh… _other _reactions as I took in her appearance.

It didn't help matters that she then ran up to me and wrapped her creamy arms around my neck and placed her soft lips against my own. I wanted to hold her there forever and ensure that she'd never get away.

"Hey graduate," she said after she pulled back, a brilliant smile gracing her face.

"I'm not a graduate yet. Give me an hour," I teased.

She pecked me on the mouth once more. "Close enough." I didn't argue with her cause I was just happy to have her near me for the first time since that morning. Jake slipped past us and went inside while we stayed there a little longer, arms still wrapped around one another.

After a final 'I love you' and 'Good luck', I reluctantly let her go and went to join my fellow class mates. I took my place near the front of the line, glancing back momentarily to grin at Jake and Embry in a, we-actually-did-it, sort of way.

We seated ourselves and I quickly searched the crowd for both Bella and my parents. I saw them sitting together along with Charlie, Billy, and Embry's Mom in the first two rows in to the right. I smiled and gave waved at Bella, chuckling to myself when she blushed and waved back.

They started calling names for us to receive our diploma, and I waited patiently, though mine was one of the first. It was both a good thing and a bad thing, because while I got to get my turn over with, it also meant I still had to sit through the calling of every other student's name.

"Quil Ateara," the principal called out through the microphone. I stood and grinned as I made my way towards the stage, thinking of Bella and how she would be worried sick about tripping and falling if she were in my place right then.

I glanced up, my eyes locking on hers as I took the sheet of paper that marked the beginning of my supposed adulthood. It felt as if I were looking at her for the first time, every emotion she was feeling lying naked and open for me to see.

Her gaze was intense, but I had to break away and head back to my seat. I knew then that I would be unable to stay and speak to her after the ceremony. I would lose my resolve and my secret would be revealed sooner than I wanted.

My leg bounced nervously through the remainder of the ceremony. I clapped and whistled loudly as Jake and Embry's name's were called; listening in amusement as Charlie and Billy did the same—they could be heard above the crowd.

There weren't many kids in our class, so the last of the names were called rather quickly and before I knew it, we were done. I shot up from my seat, eager to leave and get over to First Beach for the bonfire set up.

"Jake!" I called out over the crowd of fellow students. His werewolf senses enabled him to hear me despite the noise in the room, and he turned and walked towards me as I signaled that I needed to speak with him.

"What's up, man?" Jake was one of the very few people who knew of my secret; in fact he'd been the first person I'd told. I had fully prepared myself for his potential anger, even for a possible fight, but it never came. Instead he shocked the hell out of me by offering his help. It was a true sign that Bella's happiness was more important to him than his own.

"Can you tell Bella I'll see her at the bonfire?" I asked while darting my eyes around to make sure she hadn't come looking for me.

"Sure," he drawled out, looking at me suspiciously, "but why aren't you telling her yourself?"

I decided honestly was the best policy in that situation. "Because if I see her now, I'll ruin my plans for tonight."

He nodded in understanding and agreed to pass the message along. "Oh, and tell her I love her, will you?"

"Sure, sure."

I knew that while I was able to avoid Bella until later, I would not be able to avoid my parents. I waited anxiously by their car, hoping against hope that Bella didn't walk out with them. Luck seemed to be on my side when they appeared, alone.

They congratulated me and told me how proud they were, and then they each hugged me one more time before saying that they would be by the bonfire later on. I even thought I saw my mom tear up before she turned to open her door.

Knowing that I had a lot of work to do by the beach, I wanted to change out of my dress clothes and also grab a few other things needed for the party. Infinitely more comfortable in my khaki shorts and cotton t-shirt, I glanced in the mirror one more time before leaving.

My reflection didn't look any different despite the fact that I felt like a completely different person. That moment between Bella and I in the gym had changed me, and I wasn't sure just how much, but if I was being completely honest, I hadn't felt the same for the last six months, not since _that _day.

It was time to ask Bella once and for all, I was putting our future in her hands. The little secret I'd been carrying around with me fluttered a new round of nerves in the pit of my stomach and I took in a deep breath.

Time to go.

I didn't bother stopping inside Emily and Sam's house, instead opting to head straight for the beach front where most of the guys had gathered to start moving driftwood into a pile for both the bonfire and as seating around it. I knew I'd made the right choice when I heard Bella's truck pull up a half hour later.

Jake joined us and we continued working, stopping often to joke around and goof off. Bella's truck signaled that she was leaving just a short time after she'd arrived and I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd spoken to Emily earlier that morning.

At one point Sam sent Embry and myself to run another quick patrol before people were due to start arriving. The run helped to calm my nerves some, and Embry was grateful enough to not interrupt that continuous stream of thoughts that I was unable to block from him.

When we finished we found the party had already kicked off. Emily had already brought down the various items of food and placed them on a nearby table that one of the guys must have set up. I spotted Jared and Kim, who had not been there when I left, snuggled up together next to the fire.

A quick scan of the partiers let me know that Bella had yet to arrive. In my search I did see Charlie helping Billy make his way down, so I assumed she wouldn't be far behind.

As if on cue the familiar roar of her truck in the distance caught my ear. I wiped my sweating palms against my shorts, took one more deep breath in a futile attempt to calm myself, and began heading towards the house to meet her when she pulled up.

She smiled as she parked her truck and instinctively I smiled back. My heart began to race in anticipation, and I prayed that Bella wouldn't be able to tell. I watched as she exited that cab of her truck but then crinkled my brow in confusion when she didn't immediately walk over to me, but instead, circled around to the passenger door and opened it.

She leaned in for a few moments and I heard a high pitched squeal which only furthered my confused state. Bella leaned back and slammed the door shut and that's when I noticed the bouncing toddler on her hip.

My breath hitched.

My entire world stopped.

And I did the only thing I could think of in that moment—I ran.

**An: **_If you're feeling confused… you should be. But no worries, all shall be explained in due time. Thank you to those who keep reviewing each chapter. You're the reason I continue to write despite the current craziness that is my life. _

_I wanted to ask for those of you who don't mind Edward and his equal sexiness… go check out __**Buff82**__'s story, 'Eclipsed Heart'. You're bound to not be disappointed._


	6. Visions of the Future

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_For anyone who may have noticed, yes, I did change my penname. I am no longer __**Wolfgrl04**__. I have changed it so that it matches up with both my Twitter account. I post on Twitter often with updates for how my writing is going and when you can expect updates, so follow me if you'd like._

_Only one person tried to guess my stupid mistake from Chapter 4 ... and she got it right! Originally I had written that Quil was one of the last to graduate when in reality with his last name being Ateara, he should have been first. Because Black and Call obviously come after Ateara. It's all fixed, but I was a little shocked to find that no one called me out on it. Oh well._

_Thank you for all your continued support and reviews. They make me crazy happy and are inspiring me to finish writing even though at times it feels as if I'm losing all motivation to do so. This chapter is for you, __**YankeeGirlNJ**__, enjoy._

_**Buff82 **__… what can I say? There are no words for your amazing ability to put up with me and keep me in check._

Chapter 6: Visions of the Future

**BPOV**

My brow puckered in confusion, my eyes trained on the area of trees that Quil had just disappeared into. I managed to catch a small glimpse of fur and scraps of clothing floating towards the ground before he was out of my sight completely.

My mind was a flurry of thought, _what the hell just happened?_

I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything wrong. Quil was standing there when I pulled up, smiling brightly. And although I could tell something was on his mind in the way his eyes crinkled on the sides with his obvious tension, he didn't seem initially upset.

Movement in my arms reminded me that I was still holding little Claire snuggly against my side. She was watching the party goers on the beach with rapt attention, and I shook my head to rid myself of the confused thoughts that still plagued my mind.

"Let's go find your Aunt Emily," I cooed at her, tickling her side a bit so she giggled happily.

As I scanned the crowded beach any signs of either Emily or Sam, I thought back to my day spent with Claire. I had never been around small children growing up, but somehow the maternal instincts I never knew I had kicked in and let me easily transition into the task of caring for her.

I ended up making her a classic lunch of macaroni and cheese, which she informed me was her favorite. We sat across from one another at Charlie's mismatched kitchen table as she prattled on about her Mom and Dad and everything else that seemed to come to mind. Conversation with Claire was enlightening, like getting a glimpse at the world through her unique view. It was also pleasant listening to her innocent laughter, a sound so pure it reminded me of a time when vampires and werewolves didn't exist.

After lunch she asked to play a long game of hide and go seek where I had to pretend I didn't hear her muffled giggles each and every time. Eventually I distracted her by asking for her help in preparing the pies I had offered to bring to the party.

Even after being with Quil for as long as I had been, the thought of having children of my own had never really occurred to me. It was an idea I'd given up long ago, back when I thought Edward and I would be together forever.

But in the presence of the sweetest little girl I'd ever met, I was suddenly wondering what it would be like to be a mother and have a daughter of my own. I found myself 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over every cute thing she did.

I couldn't help the smile pulling at my lips as images of a small child formed in my mind— russet skin, only a lighter, rosier shade of brown. Thick, dark hair like Quil's, warm chocolate eyes, and round soft cheeks; the two of us in one being, the idea made me happy, content even.

The thoughts had come out of nowhere, and I was shocked that I found them welcome. My body tingled and buzzed with the new feeling as I idly wondered what Quil thought about having kids, and even more so—having kids with me.

A tug from around my neck broke me from my train of thought, and I realized that Claire was pulling on the wolf charm that I had yet to take off since Quil had given it to me. "Pretty," she mused, fingering the delicate wooden carving.

"Who have you got there?" Jake's voice sounded from behind me.

I squeaked at his proximity, not having realized he was standing next to me.

I turned, and Claire tucked her face into my neck, attempting to hide from him in a sudden case of shyness. Not discouraged, Jake just continued to smile at her sweetly, though his eyes seemed guarded when he glanced in my direction. "This is Emily's niece," I supplied.

"Ah, you must be Claire," he winked and gave her a knowing grin. She nodded, her head still buried against me.

"Speaking of which, do you know where Emily is?" I asked, still unable to find her among the crowd.

"Over by the food tables," he indicated to a row of tables on the opposite side of where we stood.

"Thanks Jake." I spotted Emily standing next to what looked to be the dessert section of the exceptionally large number of tables and made my way towards her.

"Aunt Emily!" Claire squealed as we drew closer, squirming her way out of my arms before I set her down so she could run the rest of the way over.

Emily scooped her up, the unmarked side of her face twisting into a smile. "Claire Bear, Did you have fun?"

"We had my favorite for lunch," she boasted.

"Ooh… that sounds yummy."

"Can I go to Bella's again tomorrow?" Claire asked sweetly, and my heart melted a little at the request.

"Why don't I talk to Bella about that, and you can go see Uncle Sam over there and get some marshmallows for the fire." Emily set her down, and she immediately went running towards Sam.

We both watched her go before redirecting our attention to one another. "Have you seen Quil yet?" she asked before I had a chance to speak.

I frowned at the memory of his strange departure. "What's wrong?" she inquired, most likely having noticed the expression on my face.

"I saw him for a few minutes, but he took off into the woods before I got a chance to speak to him. It was weird," I explained to her the best I could the brief encounter from when I had first arrived.

Emily glanced over at Sam, and I saw the concerned look that passed between them. It made my skin crawl with anxiety, making me want to know what I was missing out on. "I'm sure everything's fine," she tried to reassure me, but I could see that the smile she gave was forced and uncertain.

"You might want to eat before the guys get over here," she joked, easing the tension that had settled over us.

"Sure, sure," I agreed. We each filled a plate, and I followed Emily over to one of the many logs set up around the fire pit. Sam and Claire were already seated, happily roasting marshmallows together.

"I hope you don't mind, but I had Quil run a quick patrol. You can never be too careful," Sam said to me as soon as I was settled in with my plate on my lap.

"No problem, I'm sure he'll be back soon." I didn't even believe my own words; there was something in the look that Quil gave me right before he ran that told me I wouldn't be seeing much him that evening. The thought saddened me.

Warmth radiated from my right as Jacob sat down beside me. I watched as he exchanged a quick look with Sam who stood. "If you'll excuse me, I'll be back shortly." He leaned down to kiss Emily and then turned and ran in the same direction Quil had gone earlier.

I wanted to ask what was going on, I wanted to know the truth, but a nagging feeling in the pit up my stomach made me keep my mouth shut. The same feeling that told my brain it was something bad and that I wasn't going to like it when I found out.

Resigning to my baser instincts I pushed my worry away. I decided distraction is what I needed and opted to ask Jake about his plans now that he'd graduated.

"Well, I'm sure you already know Quil, Embry, and I plan to open a shop together right here in La Push," he started out excitedly, his passion for fixing cars clearly evident. "Embry and I are gonna do the repairs, and Quil's gonna learn everything for taking care of the finances and stuff."

Quil had told me months ago about their plans, and I was very happy for the three of them. I didn't know whether or not Embry truly enjoyed mechanics, but I assumed he must since he was going into the business as well.

"Does it bother you that you'll be stuck in La Push," I asked before thinking. Jacob stopped speaking and looked at me funny before shaking his head.

"Bells," his voice took on a tender quality, "this is my home. I don't look at it that way."

I nodded my head in agreement without really feeling certain that I did, indeed, understand. I tried to put myself in their shoes, to think of how I would feel, growing up in the same small town and never venturing outside of its protective walls.

I think that I might have felt suffocated, and perhaps Quil was feeling just that.

Tilting my head to one side in curiosity I asked the next logical question that came to mind, "You never want to travel anywhere?"

Jake chuckled and leaned in conspiratorially, "You'd be surprised how far we can run, Bells." At his words my eyes grew wide before I could mask my expression.

_Was that what Quil was doing? _Thoughts raced wildly through my head, _was he running away? _I couldn't bring myself to ask any more questions, deep down I felt like I already knew.

Jake seemed to sense I was done with the conversation and left me be. The party continued on around me, without me really participating in it. My Dad and Billy sat nearby and attempted conversation, but after many one word answers they gave up.

I saw the looks they kept giving me and tried my best to ignore them. Thankfully it wasn't long before they left and my Dad drove Billy back home. The crowd slowly dwindled down as I continued to wait in vain for the one person I wanted to see the most.

It wasn't long before I found myself at _our_ spot on the beach, just a ways down from everyone else. A chilled air caressed my arms, and I couldn't even shiver, I felt oddly numb. The sun sank low in the sky and people were grouping off, cuddling close on the logs and settling in for campfire stories.

I looked away, unable to witness their happiness when I felt so strangely alone. "Come on Bells, I'll drive you home." Jake appeared beside me, concern evident in his features. I didn't even have it in me to argue with him that I was more than capable of driving myself.

The ride home was silent, but not uncomfortably so. My mind was still processing the drastic change in events; the day had begun so full of promise and excitement, only to wither away in loneliness. The glint of _something_ that flashed behind Quil's eyes before he disappeared haunted me, as it replayed in my head over and over.

Jacob walked me to my door, still silent. I could feel the sympathy rolling off of him despite the pretense that everything was okay. He gave me a weak attempt at the smile that I had always referred to as _my smile_. I stared passively not caring enough to make an effort, an effect of the numbness no doubt.

"Thanks Jake," I said and went inside before catching one last glimpse of his eyes. They said what he could not.

He would be there for me, with whatever happened.

I had no sooner stepped through the door when my phone rang. Not in the mood for conversation, I ignored it. When he rang again immediately afterwards I pulled it out to check the caller ID.

"Alice?"

"Bella, are you okay?" the bell like voice sounded through the receiver, slightly panicked.

Confusion over took me for the second time that night. "I'm fine. What's wrong Alice?"

"I had a vision."

I rolled my eyes. "Ok… you have those all the time, what does that have to do with me? You know you can't see my future anymore."

There was a pause before Alice spoke again. "No Bella, that's just it, the vision was about you."

**F**

I sat at the kitchen, much like I had with Claire earlier that day, staring at the yellowing walls that tinged an even yellower hue under the lights hanging from the ceiling.

I hadn't moved in what felt like hours. Alice had long since hung up.

_What could her vision have meant?_ The pure fact that she had a vision at all had me completely thrown. More and more questions formed, and I had no answers. Neither did Alice unfortunately, she was as clueless as I was. To call her vision abstract or certainly subjective would be an understatement.

My legs carried me up the stairs to my room on their own accord; my body had decided sleep might help my addled brain. As soon as I walked into my room I froze, eyeing the figure lying across my bed.

"Quil."

**An: **_Sorry this chapter didn't give you the answers everyone was hoping for, but QPOV is up next chapter, and we'll all get to find out so much more about what's going on._


	7. Violated

**ATTENTION: I want everyone to know that until further notice I will not be posting updates. Someone on FF has copied my story, 'Torn', and translated it without my permission.**

**This is a HUGE violation and I take it very personally. I am strongly tempted to remove my stories until further notice, but unfortunately since I am up for several nominations right now, that isn't possible. I hope it doesn't come to that either.**

**I am also not going to reveal the name of the person responsible, but I have sent them an email requesting that they remove my story from their profile. I hope that she does so and that this matter can be resolved.**

**Until then, I'm sorry that you have to suffer from someone else's error in judgment.**


	8. Faith vs Fate

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_I appreciate the support from all you lovely readers. The situation has been handled; the author has removed my story from her profile, so I am putting a lot of trust into everyone in hoping that this doesn't happen again._

_**Buff82**__ has earned co-writer status for this chapter. She's awesome. Go read 'Eclipsed Heart'. It's a great Bella/Edward story._

_Your wait is over… here are some answers for your many questions._

Chapter 7: Faith vs. Fate

_Sometimes love feels like pain_

_And sometimes I wonder if it's all the same_

_Sometimes life feels just like rain_

'_Cause you never know_

_When it's gonna fall down on you._

"Wish You Well"—'Thousand Foot Crutch'

**QPOV**

_What. The. Fuck._

The mantra repeated in my mind as I ran, along with the occasional '_Are you fucking kidding me?'_ and '_This can NOT be happening'. _Unfortunately for me, life as I knew it was about to change.

_How could this happen? How could I-, _no, I couldn't even finish that thought.

I had to get away from there. I knew what had happened, but there was no way I was ready to face the reality of it. My paws dug into the soft earth, letting out my frustrations through my inner wolf by pushing myself faster. It was the only way I could deal with the number of emotions that threatened to consume me. It was always easier to deal with when I was in wolf form.

Anger, irritation, love, confusion—all were on a rotating cycle, my mind unable to settle on just one.

I barely noticed the changing scenery around me, and before I'd even realized it, I'd run all the way into Oregon. The look on Bella's face as I ran from her flashed in my mind, and I forced my legs to halt their movement at the image.

She looked at me with so much love, and I knew that what had happened would break her. Even if I couldn't handle the situation I was in, I couldn't run from it either—I couldn't run from Bella. She meant too much to me.

Her name brought a stab of aching pain through my chest. The pain mingled and intertwined with the love I felt for her, and together the two emotions were so strong I collapsed under the weight of them. I whimpered as I laid there on the ground of some unknown wooded area.

"_Quil, come home,"_ Sam's 'voice' joined my thoughts. It wasn't a command, just a request, but I felt inclined to obey him anyway.

I forced myself back up from the ground and turned back in the direction I had come from, no longer concerned with the need to mask my thoughts. It was just Sam and I, and he already knew all of my well-contained secrets.

He didn't wait for my return before he started in, _"What were you thinking, phasing like that? It was careless and someone could have seen you! There were shreds of clothing all over the ground for God sakes," _he seethed, and I felt myself recoil mentally at the harsh words laced in with the alpha tone.

Panic suddenly settled in as I realized that during my impromptu phasing, I had forgotten to remove the most important thing—my future in a velvety casing. It had remained in my pants pocket, the tattered remnants now strewn across the ground, much like my life.

"_I found it, don't worry,"_ Sam assured me, easing my concern, and I mentally sighed in relief.

He seemed to have gotten the anger out of his system, and appeared merely sympathetic to the situation. I had no doubt he was thinking of how much my current situation mirrored his past one.

It wasn't long before I was coming up on the clearing near the outskirts of La Push. Sam was waiting for me.

He sat on his haunches, watching me as I paced back and forth in front of him. _"You imprinted."_ It wasn't a question, but rather a statement.

All I could do was echo his thoughts in my own head, those two small words reverberated through my mind. I had imprinted, but it was nothing as I would have expected. A child, she was only a _child._

"_It's uncommon, but it can happen,"_ Sam explained. _"She's your soul-mate Quil, and you'll be whatever she needs you to be, even if for now it means just being someone who looks out for her."_

What he was saying made sense, but I didn't want to listen. Words like 'soul-mate' and 'destiny' were something I'd spent the better part of the last two and a half years trying to pretend didn't exist. It seemed a cruel twist of fate that at the point I was at in my life I would be thrown such a major curve, _and tonight of all nights, _I thought bitterly.

Sam suggested then that we phase back so we could talk naturally, without the visual flow of my thoughts. I gratefully accepted the pair of pants he handed me, as well as the small, black velvet box.

It reminded me of what could have been.

Things had been perfect when I'd walked into that jewelers six months ago, the ring was the first I saw. And as cheesy as it sounded, it had called to me, and I knew I had to get it for her—it was _the one._

Of course somewhere along the line, I began referring to the ring as 'her', much to Embry and Jake's amusement. I didn't know how or why I did it, but it became out inside joke when discussing my potential engagement.

I remembered talking to Embry that day when I came home from buying it. I'd be been a nervous wreck; palms sweating, nervousness practically seeping from my pores. Why in the hell I thought Embry would be any help was beyond me, but thank God for Jake.

At first I thought it'd be weird talking to Jake about wanting to ask Bella to marry me, but he'd seemed ok with the idea. And if he did have any issues with it, he was doing a fantastic job of hiding them from me.

"_What do you think?" I asked for the third time. I could see that Embry was attempting to not laugh at me and my very 'girl like' freak out, but a warning glare made him realize that it was not the best time to be making fun of me. _

"_I think she'll love it," Jake offered, smiling broadly as he examined the tiny diamond ring in his hand._

"_Really?" I couldn't help but ask, once again earning a snort and chuckle from Embry. Jake slapped upside the back of his head before I could and I shot him a grateful look._

Sam and I stepped through the line of trees that bordered a remote stretch of beach that the guys and I would often visit. As far as any of us knew, no one else was aware the beach existed, so it made for a great place for us to be ourselves. A cool gust of wind filtered salty sea air through my lungs, bringing me from my memories.

Six months ago seemed like only days ago.

Searing pain burnt through my fist as I punched the closest tree in frustration, and the wood splintered under the pressure. My hand began healing before I was even able to finish wiping away the blood; it reminded me of what I was.

I refused to believe one second could strip everything away from me. There had to be a way. Sam said imprinting only meant I would be what Claire needed me to be.

_Imprinting, _the word sent chills down my spine. I resented it, _hated it, _because in all my denial I had chosen blessed ignorance to the possibility of it happening to _me_; but once it did happen—it could not be ignored.

The sensation had been such a strange thing, the way the world seemed to go placid around me. In that moment everyone turned to black and white, even Bella seemed a faded gray tone of her natural hue. Claire, however, was a vibrant wash of color, and I felt an automatic tie that seemed forged in steel wires, pulling me to her. The fact that I had been able to turn and run from the connection between us was astounding in its own way.

Sam's heavy hand came down on my shoulder with a light squeeze, and I gazed at him imploringly, "What can I do?"

He only shook his head; the sympathy in his eyes was full and sad with experience. "I can't tell you what to do. This is a delicate matter, especially considering Claire's age." He paused, thinking for a moment. "What do you feel? In your heart, that is what you must listen to now."

I nodded in understanding as Sam sat on a rock near the edge of the forest. I resumed my pacing, my feet settling in the sand with each step. _What did I feel?_

Closing my eyes I saw Bella, smiling and happy to see me as the light material of her dress floated around her, shifting with the breeze coming off the ocean. My heart swelled. I still loved her; that had not changed.

Then I saw little Claire bouncing in her arms, and a new chamber of my heart opened. I wanted to protect her, make her laugh and smile. A smile I had never seen before, I longed for.

There was no mistake in how I felt. Although those new feelings toward Claire, foreign and different, were strong—it had not diminished Bella in the slightest. My heart had only grown, and there was room for both of them.

My mind was made up. I was going to fight for Bella.

"I'm not going to let some predestined bullshit interfere with my life and decide who I'm supposed to be with," I spat, suddenly feeling angry.

"You can't fight it," Sam shook his head sadly, and I knew he was thinking of Leah.

"I can." I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince, him or myself. "Bella doesn't need to know."

He was still shaking his head. "Don't do it," he was pleading with me, but it was no use. I lovedBella. I wanted to be with Bella.

"I have to try. I can't just lose her… I just, can't." It was my turn to try and make him understand. My life wasn't the same without her in it.

He took a deep breath before releasing it in a huff and stood from the rock he had been sitting on. "Ok, but just know that this will not end well," he started, locking eyes on me as he finished, "You _will _hurt her if you do this." With those final words he turned and walked away.

I stayed rooted to my spot, watching his retreating form. He was right, I would hurt her, but I was going to try with everything I had to prevent it from happening.

Talking with Sam had brought things into focus more so than they were, but I couldn't bring myself to return to the bonfire. Everyone I knew was there, several of whom were waiting anxiously for me to return and pop the question to Bella.

And while I knew I'd made my decision to fight for her, it didn't seem possible that I could continue in plan to propose; at least not at that moment.

Instead, I lurked behind the trees, watching as she sat alone on the beach in _our _spot. I felt guilt. She had come out to celebrate with me, and instead I'd abandoned her. Jake offered to drive her home, and I was thankful to him for looking out for her when I was not able to do so.

I knew if I ran quickly I could be at her house before she arrived, but I knew I'd need a few more minutes to gather my thoughts. As well as work up the courage to face her, knowing that I would be lying to her.

A half hour had probably passed when I finally began making my way towards Forks. When I arrived at Bella's house her window was still open, and I took that as an invitation that I was still welcome—that perhaps she wasn't too mad at me for my disappearance.

I could hear her downstairs, just hanging up the phone. I didn't venture far into the room, on the off chance that I was mistaken and she'd want me to leave. But after another half an hour Bella still hadn't come up the stairs, so I lied down on her bed to wait.

I started to worry that something was wrong, and considered going to check on her. Just as the thought passed through my mind the door pushed open and there stood Bella. I was so lost in thought I hadn't even heard her approach.

"Quil," her voice was surprised, yet sad. It pained me know I was the one to put that sadness there.

I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I watched silently as she made her way over to her dresser, removing her night clothes. She stripped out of her jeans and sweater, replacing them with the pair of sweats I had come to know to be her favorite—I couldn't look away. Her beauty still captivated me.

My eyes followed her as she climbed onto her bed, lying flat on her back beside me.

"You left." It was a simple statement, but it hurt more than any words ever could.

"Yes." I finally found my voice.

She turned her head to look at me. "Why?" Her eyes were filled with questions, confusion, and her unwavering love. I didn't deserve it.

"Can we not talk about it, not now," my voice was pleading, my own eyes begging her to not push me for answers. She nodded in acceptance, though the confusion was still evident in her expression. She was giving me what I asked, always putting other before herself. My guilt grew stronger.

She rolled onto her side facing away from me. "Can you just hold me?" she asked softly, and I quickly scooted myself until her back was pressed firmly against my chest, my arm wrapped securely around her.

Bella laid curled into my chest, nestled into _her _spot. The feeling only fortified my resolve to keep the fact that I had imprinted from her. From what she knew of Sam and Leah's experience, there was no way I could make her see it would not be the same for us.

I listed as her breathing evened out, and I felt her shoulders rise and fall slowly under my arms. My chest tightened in a mixture of overwhelming pain and love. Sam's words whispered back in my head 'you will hurt her'.

I couldn't, I wouldn't.

I would make this works, Bella was too important to me. I wanted her, I wanted it all.

"Bella," I breathed quietly in her ear. She stirred with a light, sleepy moan. Her lids closed heavily, and I knew she was sleeping soundly.

"Sleep my beautiful Bella. I will make this right; I will make this work for us. It has to… I love you."

**An: **_I am moving tomorrow, so I will be crazy busy this next week. I hope to have Chapter 8 posted as soon as possible, but it could be at least a week._


	9. The Beginning of the End

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_I know many of you were disappointed with the way Chapter 7 ended, but I've had this story outlined since the beginning of 'Torn'. There will be more drama and possible heartbreak, and while I may not know everything that's going to happen, I do know that there will be a happily ever after._

_**Buff82**__ earns a freaking medal for putting up with me during the process of writing this chapter, and because she even helped me write part. RL gave me more stress in one month than I would have thought possible, which is the reason for the very large delay in updating. _

Chapter 8: The Beginning of the End

**BPOV**

Beams of sunlight poured in through the window, fanning warmth across my face. I stirred, waking slowly while also shaking off my dream-filled haze. Memories from the day before flooded back into my mind, making me wonder how I had been able to sleep so peacefully. I assumed it had something to do with having Quil lying in my bed, his arms wrapped around me as I slept.

I stretched my arms above my head, suddenly realizing that Quil was no longer in bed beside me. Panic did not settle over me as it might have before. The bed was still warm, _too warm, _and I knew that he hadn't been gone long.

Just as I finished my thought, the bedroom door opened, and Quil entered carrying a tray filled with food. I smiled at the sight, and breathed in the delicious scent of blueberry. My mouth watered.

"Morning baby, thought I'd make you breakfast in bed," he smiled, and then kissed me softly before placing the tray in front of me on the bed. It took only another second for a thought to tug at my mind, and I abruptly looked at Quil, my worry evident in my expression.

"Did Charlie see you?" I asked, glancing down at the tray and then back up to his face.

He laughed lightly, though I could still see in his eyes the tension from the night before. "Your Dad stayed over at Billy's last night. Something about an early morning fishing trip," he explained. I idly wondered how I hadn't noticed my own father had been missing for the entire night, but brushed it off as a side effect from being pre occupied with Alice's phone call and Quil's mood swings.

"In that case, it looks wonderful, thank you," I complimented as I took in the plate of blueberry pancakes with scrambled eggs and toast. He'd poured a cup of orange juice to complete the meal perfectly. It was obvious that he was trying to make up for the day before.

I was sure that if I pushed, he would tell me what was bothering him. But I didn't want to have to coax him into telling me something he wasn't ready to share. Therefore I decided to wait, he'd come to me when the time was right.

"This is delicious," I mumbled between bites. Quil sat opposite of me, a tray of his own in front of him. He'd gone back downstairs to retrieve his after giving me mine. He grinned at me before shoving another bite of blueberry pancake in his mouth. He was nearly done while I had yet to eat even half of what he'd given me.

Part of me thought that once breakfast was over Quil would leave. I assumed he had pack duties to tend to, but he assured me that my house was right where he wanted to be. We stayed in all day, curled up on the couch, watching old movies on the TV.

Though I couldn't quite place just exactly what was different between us, our time together was slightly awkward and uncomfortable. And it only seemed to get worse as the day progressed. Quil was close to being annoyingly smothering. That was the only way to explain his behavior.

He was always touching me, holding me close, and not allowing me to do anything for myself. While many women might have enjoyed all the attention—I did not. Charlie called early in the afternoon saying that he was going to stay at Billy's for dinner, and then he would be home. I declined the offer to join him, and instead I allowed Quil to cook something for the two of us.

When he finally left that night, unable to stay over because of patrols, I actually felt… relieved. It gave me time to breath, to relax, and a little more time to sort through my feelings. Quil's behavior was unnerving, and I wasn't sure I liked it one bit.

A buzzing sound coming from nearby gathered my attention, rousing me from my sleep. I reached out, slapping my hand in the direction of the night stand, glancing at the caller ID through sleep hooded eyes- _Alice._

_Why was she calling me?_

I flipped the phone open and placed it to my ear. "Hello?" My voice was hoarse.

"Bella, be ready, I'll be there in twenty minutes," her cheerful voice chirped. _Wait? What?_

"Alice, what are you talking about?" I asked, slightly more awake than I was a moment before.

She sighed loud enough for me to hear. "I knew you'd forget which is why I'm calling. You agreed the other night that we could go shopping." My forehead slammed against my palm as I growled in annoyance at myself, and my apparent failure to pay attention. Quite understandably, the only thing from our conversation I remembered was the part of about her visions.

I raked my hand across my face and up through my hair. "I'll be ready," my voice sounded more convincing than I felt.

"See you then," Alice hung up before I could say goodbye. I snapped the phone closed and tossed it back to its place on the stand beside the bed, glancing at the clock in the process. _7:14 am… just great._

With a yawn I threw back my covers, knowing that I would have to rush to be ready in time.

Alice pulled into the drive exactly on time, behind the wheel of Carlisle's Mercedes. I knew it was because it was the most 'non-descript' car they owned besides Edward's, and there was no way Alice would drive his car when coming to my house.

"Ready for some serious shopping?" she asked with what could only be described as a mischievous grin. I slid into the passenger seat, groaning and rolling my eyes as I did so. 'Serious shopping' in Alice terms could be deadly in my opinion. Heck, shopping with her in general could be; she possessed more energy than any one person should ever be legally allowed.

Alice, as usual, was impeccably dressed in her designer jeans, sweater, and heels. I, on the other hand, had decided on a flannel button up, torn jeans, and my worn in converse. The expression on her face when she looked me up and down told me that she did not approve.

"What?" I asked, even though I knew exactly what the problem was.

Her grin remained in place as she shook her head from side to side. "It's a good thing we're going shopping today. You are in obvious need of some wardrobe assistance."

I didn't even bother protesting when she looked back over at me again and said, "You're going to agree, so you might as well just go with it."

Rolling my eyes, but not saying a word, I slid down further into my seat as she sped off, only half listening as she prattled on about the shops she wanted to take me to in Seattle. The haze of sleep had since left me, and memories of Quil from the day before were seeping into my consciousness.

Breakfast in bed had been wonderfully romantic and sweet, and even when he agreed to watch whatever movie I wanted it was sweet. But when Quil insisted on making lunch for us, getting me _anything_ I need, and kissing on me literally every ten minutes, it became a bit too much.

Don't get me wrong, I loved kissing Quil, and I appreciated the effort he was putting in for his behavior the day prior, but there was such a thing as over doing it. The 'topping on the cake' so to speak had been when he offered to carry me up the stairs when I told him I had to use the bathroom. I put my foot down on that one.

There was something definitely wrong. Though Quil hadn't let onto anything even once the entire day he was over. I wasn't sure how long I could pretend that I wasn't worried.

Attempting to focus on Alice was my chance at ignoring those thoughts, and so I turned to face her, trying my hardest to pick up on what she was telling me.

"… and then we'll get our hair and nails done…" I heard her say.

A spa day, she was talking about a spa day. I suppressed the urge to groan again. _She means well, _I told myself. Besides, girl time might have been just what I needed to forget the stresses and worries of the past weekend.

She never once mentioned her vision from nights ago, and what should have been a two hour drive, took no more than a half an hour with Alice's lead foot driving capabilities. I had learned long ago to not watch out the window when any of the Cullen's drove; it would end up making me motion sick with how fast the trees would whip past us.

She easily slid into a parking spot on a strip of road that had shops lined up along each side. It was an area of town that I hadn't visited all too often while living there. Thinking back, the last time I had actually been there was the last time Alice had took me shopping. The stores were a little pricey compared to where I would usually buy my things.

We spent the next few hours going from one store to the next. In each one Alice would hand me piles of clothing to try on, not even bothering to look at the price tag—not that I would have expected her to. She forced me into a dressing room each time and told me that I needed to show each and every item so she could decided if it looked right on me or not. I wondered if she had already seen which items I would pick, but was making me go through the trouble of showing her just for the fun of it. Personally, I didn't find it very fun at all.

About four hours into our trip my stomach growled loudly, reminding both of us that it was time to feed the human. We found a small café around the corner, and I got myself a sandwich and a water while Alice got another water to 'keep up her act'.

When we were finished—meaning when _I _was finished—she announced that it was time for our spa appointments. We decided to drive to our appointments since the place was a couple streets over.

We were greeted at the front desk by a good looking older woman, "Hello Miss Cullen, it's nice to see you again." _So Alice had been here before, _I noted.

"Thank you. I have an appointment for myself and Bella Swan." Alice flashed the receptionist a dazzling smile, catching the unsuspecting woman off guard. I shook my head and stifled a giggle.

"Yes, of course. Someone will be right out to get you."

Two women, slightly younger than the one behind the desk, came to retrieve us just a few moments later. They asked us to follow them back down a hallway and then into a small room off the right. There were two chairs set up with tub looking things on the ground in front of them.

I'd never had a pedicure before, and I had no idea what to expect. "You take the first seat there, and I'll take the one next to it," Alice directed with a sweep of her hand. I nodded and took my seat.

Alice relaxed into her seat, propping her feet up on the little foot rest at the bottom of her chair. I did the same. The two… _pedicurists… _I wasn't sure what they were called, but they began filling the tub like things up with water before reaching out to remove each of our shoes respectively and roll our pant legs up to our knees.

"So, how are things?" Alice's voice floated like soft chimes over the sound of rushing water.

I eyed the woman in front of me wearily as she added soaps to the water, frothy foam bubbled at the surface. I wasn't huge on people touching my feet—aside from maybe Quil—so pedicures were most definitely not my thing. "Um, okay," I shrugged, my mind automatically going to the vision of Quil running into the woods at his graduation party.

"What is it? You have to tell me. I can't read your mind and frustratingly enough I can't see your future." Alice crossed her arms in a light huff, slowly lowering her feet into the watery tub. "Not for awhile at least," she mumbled under her breath, just loud enough for me to hear, and I knew she was thinking of the odd vision she had of me. It was the first mention of it all day.

I shuddered at what that prospect meant. There was only one reason why Alice would have been able to see my future. I pushed those thoughts out of my head, not wanting my mind to wander in that direction.

There was a light tap on the side of my calf where my jeans had been rolled. I glanced back to the woman seated before me. She was directing my feet into the water. It was warm, almost too warm, and I flinched for only a moment before relaxing. _Oh, that's actually nice, _I thought, letting out a sigh of contentment.

Glancing back at Alice I saw her expectant look. I leaned back and closed my eyes before speaking. "I don't know Al, it's just this past weekend has been so weird. First Quil leaves his own graduation party, as soon as I get there mind you. Then he shows up at my house saying he'd rather not talk about it; like it's not a big fu—er, freaking deal. And yesterday he was like Mr. Mom, ultra attentive, breakfast in bed. He wouldn't even let me get off the couch to pour myself a glass of water for crying out loud!"

My chest heaved up and down, my heart racing as I angrily spat out the last part. It felt good to get it off my chest and out of my head. Opening my eyes, I saw three sets staring back at me, concern and puzzlement adorning each one.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Oh honey, he's cheating on you," the one lady said sadly, then turned her attention back to Alice's feet. Alice glared at the woman, but then shifted her eyes to me apologetically.

I sat there, slack jawed and pondering her words. _He's cheating on you._

_There was no way…. Was there?_

_**ANNOUNCEMENT: **__Buff82 and I have decided to start the process of building our own fanfic website. It currently has a list of story rec's, contests, and fandom info. Coming soon is a photo gallery and author interviews. If you want your story featured on our blog, email us at __**mypreciousfandom(at)gmail(dot)com**_

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	10. Ready or Not

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_**Buff82**__ did her beta thing, she's the best. Thanks, bb. You can follow me on twitter, I'm on there often, and give updates for progression of the story. Username is __**Katbug86**__._

Chapter 9: Ready or Not

**QPOV**

I wasn't sure how I ended up there. It wasn't where I had planned to go, and, yet, there I stood. It was like a beckon, calling out to me, begging me to come to the one place I wanted to avoid most; the small, simple house with the wooden porch and newly painted shutters—Sam's house.

I didn't know if _that girl_ was still staying with him and Emily. I didn't want to remember her name. That would make it real, make her an actual person, and it would mean that I wasn't dreaming up the fact I had imprinted.

There were so many questions I needed answered. Sam was the only one who would be able to help me, the only one I trusted. Up until that point, I don't think anyone knew it was possible to imprint on someone who wasn't around the same age as you. And of all people, I had to go and imprint on a fucking toddler.

Frustration and anger brewed heavily inside me, growing stronger with each passing thought, and I could feel myself beginning to shake. I needed to calm myself the hell down and quick. I thought of Bella and our time spent together the day before. It was obvious she was confused and wanted to know what was going on with me, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. Not yet.

I would have to lie, and lying was something I didn't ever want to do to Bella. So, instead, I did the next best thing—I avoided. If I didn't talk about it, and she didn't ask me, then it wasn't technically lying— right?

Waking up with her in my arms had been just what I needed after all that had happened Saturday evening. She looked beautiful, content, causing my heart to ache and clench in guilt. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me, let her know that she was the only one for me—forever.

But in trying to show her that, I think I had gone overboard. Breakfast in bed had been a good idea; that much was clear in the way she moaned with each bite of her food. However, I noticed that as the day progressed, Bella seemed to be becoming increasingly uncomfortable. She was staring at me with an odd expression on her face, and she even snapped at me a couple times, pushing me away from her and stomping off. I knew by the time I offered to carry her upstairs to use the bathroom that I had overstepped my boundaries, but I just couldn't seem to help myself.

The excuse of patrolling was easy enough to use so I could give her the space I sensed she needed. So, for a very rare occasion, I didn't sleep over at her house that night. I didn't even call her the following morning, not knowing what her plans were, or if she would want to see me.

Which was how I ended up standing in front of Sam's house at eight o'clock in the morning, unable to bring myself to knock on the door, and completely terrified of one very small little girl.

"You going to stand there all day?" a familiar voice spoke from behind me.

I spun around, startled, "Shit, Sam, you scared me. And, no, I don't plan to." My hand clutched the front of my chest as my heart rate slowed back down.

"Is that why you've been standing there, staring at my house for the last hour?" he cocked an eyebrow at me in question.

I shook my head, looking down at the ground, because I was slightly embarrassed that he had been watching me. "I wanted to talk to you, about… _that girl_, but I didn't know…" glancing at the house briefly, I trailed off and hoped he would understand what I meant.

He nodded, knowing what I wanted to say. "Her name's Claire," he said suddenly, his voice somewhat forceful.

My eyes snapped up to meet his, wide and unsure. "Excuse me?" I'd heard him perfectly clear, but he was saying things I didn't want to hear.

"Your imprint, her name is Claire."

The anger flared up inside me once more. "Is that supposed to mean something to me?" I spat. He shrugged, not bothering to answer my question. I could tell he was irritated by my response, but he kept control, choosing to ignore my immature outburst.

"You're drawn to her." It was a statement, not a question.

I shook my head furiously, glaring at him. "NO, I love Bella."

He laughed lightly, angering me further, "I didn't say that you didn't." His expression shifted, becoming more serious, his eyes locking on mine, "But loving Bella doesn't mean that you're not drawn to your imprint. You may not feel it now, but you keep fighting this, and there will be an ache in your chest so painful that you'll wish you hadn't."

"I can't," I choked out, overcome with emotion. There was no doubt in my mind that he was right, no matter how much I wished he wasn't. Sam had been in my shoes before, loving one girl while fate told him that his heart was to belong to another. His love wasn't able to win over something as pre-destined as an imprint, and unfortunately, history was about to repeat itself.

I understood then why Jake had hated the concept of imprinting as much as he did. It simply took away yet another one of our choices in life. Not only did we have our destiny chosen for us, we were also having our option of who we could love taken from us. It wasn't fair.

"You should see her. You won't have to talk to her, just sit there, but I think it's a good idea," Sam suggested. I looked from him, towards the house, and back again, my expression solemn.

Contemplating the situation, I knew I needed to trust Sam. He was my leader, my Alpha, and if he thought it was a good idea to go inside his house and at least _look _at the girl that fate said I should be with, then I would.

"Ok."

He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and led me up the path towards the porch. Emily greeted us when we walked through the door, Sam standing behind me to ensure I didn't make a run for it.

"Quil, nice to see you, would you like some muffins, I just finished baking them?" She smiled, walking over to Sam and kissing him lovingly as I stepped further into the house.

I grinned, my uneasiness slightly lessened at the thought of food. "I'm sure you already know the answer to that question," I joked.

She turned and winked at me, "Of course, but I'll keep asking anyway." I watched as she walked back into the kitchen, and I froze when I noticed someone sitting at the kitchen table. _Claire._

Her knees tucked under her, she sat, looking no different than she had two days prior. There was a book and a box of crayons sprawled out before her. My heart clenched in unfamiliar ways, the overwhelming urge to protect her, keep her safe, consuming me.

I must have been standing there too long when a voice filtered into my thoughts. "Come on, it's not like she's going to bite," Sam's laughter caught my attention, and he gave me a little shove, breaking me from my trance.

I rolled my eyes, muttering, "Ha ha, very funny."

The blonde haired toddler stopped her coloring and glanced over at us. Her eyes stared into mine, watching me curiously as Sam and I entered the kitchen. I took a seat at the table, as far from her as possible, and Sam stood beside Emily.

"Claire," Sam addressed the little girl as he set down a plate of muffins on the table. She turned her head away from me to look at him, "this is my friend Quil." He nodded in my direction as way of introduction.

"Hi," her high pitched, melodic voice rang out.

"Hi there," I responded, much more cheerful than I expected to sound.

She grinned widely, and I couldn't help myself but to smile back. "Want to color with me?" she asked, big blue eyes looking at me expectantly.

"Umm, sure." It wasn't like I could tell her no, but being around her was both comforting and unnerving. She flipped through her book, stopping at a picture that she seemed to approve of, and ripped it out, handing it to me. I thanked her, and quickly picked up a small, green crayon to color with.

Claire picked up another crayon and began coloring her own page again. Each mark was going over the lines of the picture, but it was cute how her face scrunched up in concentration as she worked. I saw Sam and Emily from the corner of my eye heading into the living room. Sam stopped, questioning me with his eyes, and I nodded to let him know I was ok.

"We'll be right over here if you need us," Emily reassured me before she walked out behind him.

"Thanks."

I sat across the table from Claire for I don't know how long. Each time I'd choose a different color, I would glance over to see what she was doing, unsure of what else to do; I wasn't sure whether I should try to talk to her or simply sit there.

Thankfully, she didn't seem to mind the silence, because I wouldn't have known what to say anyway. Eventually Emily returned to the kitchen, making up a plate of sandwiches for us, indicating that it was already lunch time.

An hour later, I still hadn't said a word to the girl who was supposedly going to one day be the love of my life. Emily came in, announcing it was nap time. She reached for Claire, and both of us were surprised when the little girl yelled and pulled away.

"No! I want Quil!"

My eyes were wide with shock that she'd just asked for me, but who was I to deny her. She was only three, and had no idea the amount of havoc she was creating in my life. Very cautiously I stood up, walking around to Claire and scooped her up into my arms. She smiled brightly before breaking out in a large yawn.

Emily directed me to the spare bedroom, and I pulled back the covers before laying the tiny tot down in the middle of the bed. She immediately rolled over on her side, slipping her thumb into her mouth, and closed her eyes. I wasn't exactly sure what to do, so I covered her up, making sure she was tucked in tight, and left the room.

Emily was waiting in the hall, a knowing smile on her face. I chose to ignore it, walking out to the living room, and plopping myself down in one of the chairs.

"You're good with her," Sam noted, not removing his eyes from the TV. My head snapped in his direction.

"Your point is?" Trying hard to hold back the sudden flare of annoyance, I knew I was failing as my words were clipped, short.

"I'm just saying, you being around her seemed to come naturally. You did well," he explained, looking over at me that time.

I held back the smartass comments floating through my mind, and instead thanked him. "But it doesn't change anything, I'm still staying with Bella," I reminded him, my voice firm.

I saw the flash of anger flash in his eyes, and then it was gone. "I know I've already told you this, but I'm going to tell you again. You. Will. Hurt. Her. Omitting the truth is just as bad as lying."

"Quil," Emily spoke for the first time, "he's right. An imprint isn't something you can just ignore; it'll do more harm than good."

I wasn't about to snap at Emily and tell her that she was wrong, so I kept my mouth shut. Thankfully Sam didn't bring the topic up again, and we sat quietly watching TV together. I was starting to drift off when a loud sound started me.

The front door swung open, and an irritated looking Jacob stomped in, his eyes focused solely on me. He was one of three people that I had been doing my best to avoid, because I knew that he'd be upset about how I'd treated Bella on at the bonfire.

I stayed in my seat, not bothering to move, knowing he'd simply chase me down if I tried; I wasn't in the mood to get my ass kicked. Jake was bigger than I was, and I knew he could inflict some damage on me if he really wanted to.

He stopped about a foot away from me, visibly attempting to reign in his emotions. "You want to tell me why the fuck Bella thinks you're cheating on her?" He practically screamed at me.

I stared, dumbfounded, Jake's words ricocheting around in my head. _Bella thought I was cheating?_ I thought there was no way I could feel worse, but I was wrong, dead wrong. My insides clenched from the tension rippling through my body. I could feel my soul being torn in two different directions.

_Claire._

_Bella. _

Bella couldn't think that – I would never do that to her. But as my subconscious filtered thoughts of Claire's lovable smile, her tiny laugh, I knew that wasn't too far off. My imprinting would hurt Bella just as much.

How could I do that to her? My lungs burned inside my chest, and I realized I was holding my breath.

"I said, Why. The. Fuck. Does Bella think you're cheating on her?" Jake bellowed again, shaking me from my haze.

"You need to keep it down, Claire's asleep," I heard myself saying without thinking.

It was obviously not an answer he'd been expecting, and he paused for a second, shooting me a weird look.

"Who?"

Emily answered him before I could, "Claire, my niece."

"Sorry," he mumbled, giving her an apologetic look, and then turned back to me. "Answer the question," his voice quieter, but just as demanding.

I shrugged, completely baffled, and not wanting to let him in on my conflicting thoughts. "I have no idea why she'd think that. I spent all day with her yesterday, and, if anything, I thought I was over doing it."

"Sure you weren't making up for abandoning her on Saturday," he spat.

My eyes narrowed, "Fuck you."

"What, did you chicken out on the proposal? _Are_ you cheating on her? You don't deserve Bella, you should have seen her! You're no better than that bloodsucker! "

I felt like I'd been physically slapped in the face, and a low growl rumbled through my chest. My hand balled into tight fists at my sides, my body quivering in anger. _How dare he?_ "You have no fucking clue what you are talking about. And I didn't leave her to wonder what she had done wrong. That's more than I can say for you," I seethed, my chest heaving against the fabric of my shirt.

Jake's eyes grew wide, blackened with rage. "I had no control over that! It wasn't my choice and you know that!"

Throwing my hands in the air and jumping from my spot on the couch, I stepped towards him. "And neither do I!" I screamed without thinking, adrenaline searing through my veins.

"Not here, not now," Sam intervened, using his Alpha voice in attempt to get us both to calm down.

Jacob eyed me curiously, "What do you mean—"

"Not. Now," Sam cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "Jacob, I think you need to leave."

Jacob started walking towards the front door, pausing briefly, and glancing back over his shoulder, "I just came here 'cause you're nearly late for dinner." The sound of the screen door snapping shut made me cringe, because I knew just how upset he truly was. Even if he didn't get to say what was on his mind then, didn't mean he wouldn't let me know first chance he got.

"I think you should probably go too," Sam told me, and I nodded, knowing he was right. If the day at his house had taught me anything, it was that no matter what, Bella was worth it, and I was going to start treating her as such.

It may seem impossible, but I would be the first one to break an imprint, it would not define me, control me. Bella was all that mattered, all that meant anything to me. Claire would be gone tomorrow, back to her Mom, and I would be able to focus and forget about her.

"Yeah, I think so too. Thanks for lunch Emily."

"You're welcome."

I reluctantly began making my way in the same direction Jake had just gone. Leaving meant going to a dinner that included Billy and Chief Swan, both of whom were both aware of my previous proposal plans; plans that I was supposed to have followed through with at the bonfire, and instead, I ran off and disappeared. It wouldn't surprise me if both of them wanted to kill me the minute I stepped through the door. Part of me hoped, though, that Bella's presence would keep them mellowed down for the time being.

Jake was already half way down the road when I stepped out of the house and glanced over in the direction to the Black's.

"Might as well get this over with," I said to no one, but myself.

When I stepped inside Billy's house, just a few seconds after Jake, I could feel two pairs of eyes staring at me intently. Both Billy and Charlie were glaring at me, no doubt wondering what in the hell happened at the bonfire. Their gaze made me uneasy, and I chose to go in search of Bella before a confrontation could occur.

"Wait," Charlie's voice was stern, stopping me in my tracks. "Obviously we can't do this here, but you have some explaining to do boy."

I nodded. "Yes sir." I glanced from him to Billy, who was watching my every move. Charlie turned back around, and I took that to mean that conversation was over.

Taking a deep breath, I wandered over to the kitchen where I knew Bella would be. She had her back to me, stirring something on the stove. Stepping up behind her, I placed my hands on hips, causing her to jump. I chuckled lightly, and placed a kiss on the side of her neck.

"I missed you today, baby," I whispered in her ear.

She sighed and leaned back into my chest. "I missed you too."


	11. Cheater, Cheater, PumpkinEater

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An:**_ *Ahem* __**Buff82**__, you rock. That is all._

Chapter 10: Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin-Eater

Standing at the stove inside the small kitchen of Jacob's house, I let my mind wander as I cooked; or rather—_tried_ to cook. The pot in front of me began to bubble over, the searing water splashing with a loud hiss against the stove top, pulling me from my worrying.

My mind would not allow me to concentrate on even the simple task of boiling noodles. It was too busy torturing me, breaking down the conversation I had with Jacob—right down to the smallest detail. I was beginning to wonder if I should have said anything to him at all.

Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I gnawed mindlessly as I stirred the pasta. Jake had looked more than a little shocked at the declaration of my thoughts, and he had immediately brushed it off, telling me there was no way. That if anyone could know that for sure, it was him.

Despite his confident words, however, I hadn't missed the look in his eyes as he spoke. He was worried, and that was all it took for his words to be lost on me, his non-verbal reaction that much more prominent.

I remembered pulling into the driveway of Jake and Billy's house, still in a daze from my time spent with Alice. The words, _he's cheating on you_, playing over and over again in my mind—sounding foreign and surreal. Charlie's car was missing, so I assumed he had yet to arrive.

Jake met me at the door and immediately sensed that something was wrong. I was afraid to voice my fears aloud, afraid that they'd sound insecure and stupid outside the realm of my mind. And although Alice had tried to convince me it wasn't possible, I took little solace in her reassurance; seeing as she couldn't see Quil in her visions and would be unable to confirm it as fact.

"What's wrong?" Jake questioned as soon as I was through the door. I shook my head and let my purse slip from my shoulder, placing it on the small table just inside the house. "Don't give me that Bella. I know something's bothering you."

I looked up at him, still worrying my lip with my teeth, as I debated internally. His eyes plead with me to open up, to share with him. "I think Quil might be cheating on me," I blurted, quickly looking away in shame.

When a few minutes of silence passed, I glanced back up. I took in Jake's stunned expression before it shifted, his lips pressing together firmly. "Not possible."

I huffed in annoyance, suddenly defensive at his easy dismissal of my newly exposed fears, "Well, it's the only explanation I can come up with for the way he's been acting." With my arms crossed over my chest, I glared at him, daring him to simply brush off my concerns once again.

He lifted his hands, palms up, quickly speaking before I could interrupt. "I'm just saying that if anyone would know, it'd be me. No secrets, remember?" I nodded, but it was then, looking into his eyes, that I saw it—that glimmer of doubt.

So, when he stormed out of the house not long after I entered the kitchen, muttering something about having a pack meeting, my concerns tripled. The screen ricocheted off the wall with the force of his slam, and I watched from the window above the sink as he ran in the direction that I knew to be Sam's house.

Charlie had arrived as I was removing the semi-burnt noodles from the stove, his expression stern. I wasn't sure what had him so worked up, but after scanning the room and only finding me he seemed to visibly relax.

"Hey Bells, see you got my message."

I smiled half heartedly, my stress level still far too high to pull off anything more than that. Though I did notice he must've stopped by the house to change from his work uniform before coming over. "Yeah, I was out with Alice today." His expression perked up at the mention of Alice, Charlie was still a huge fan of my once best friend.

"Oh?" His eyebrows raised in question. "You should invite her over sometime."

I nodded, dumping the pot over into the strainer, not bothering to turn and look at him. "Sure, sure." The shuffling sound of his shoes could be heard as he left to go into the living room. No doubt to gossip with Billy like the little old ladies they were. The thought brought a glimmer of a smile to my face, but it quickly faded.

It wasn't until I was adding the sauce onto the spaghetti noodles that I heard the door open again, somewhat forcefully, and two sets of feet could be heard on the wooden floor. There were only two people that it could possibly be, and my heart began to pound in anticipation. I listened as the first person stopped by the living room, but the other person headed my direction; as soon as he entered the room I could feel him. The tingling sensation I got when he was close overtook my body, and I waited for him to come closer.

He slipped his hands around my waist, resting them on my hips, and placed a light kiss on the side of my neck. "I missed you today, baby," he whispered in my ear, and my worries all but dissipated. His presence soothed me, making it seem as if all my previous fears were unfounded and absurd.

A contented sigh escaped my lips as I leaned back into his body. "I missed you too."

Our moment was cut short when someone cleared their throat behind us. Quil released me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Jacob walking over towards the fridge. I scowled at him, but he merely smirked in response, reaching in to grab the carton of orange juice.

"Do you want something to drink, Bella?" Quil asked, stepping away from me. I nodded absentmindedly as I flipped off the burners and removed the garlic bread from the oven, setting them on top of the burners to let it cool.

Mere moments after Quil left my side, Jake appeared. I knew Quil would be able to hear me if I questioned Jake about our earlier conversation, so I casually quirked an eyebrow at him, hoping he'd understand what I was asking.

I saw the recognition in his eyes, the understanding of what I wasn't to know, and he quickly shook his head. The scowl his face made me question whether he'd found out the truth or if he was telling me I was wrong, but I prayed for the latter of the two.

Quil set our drinks on the table and helped me carry the food over while I sent Jake to let our fathers know that dinner was ready. Having the five of us sitting at one small table was a tight fit, but we were practically family, never ones to complain about a few bumped elbows.

The minute Billy and my Dad stepped into the kitchen, however, I could feel the atmosphere shift. Tension settled over the room, making me shift uncomfortably. I eyed Charlie, who was watching Quil with a stern expression, and my brow furrowed in confusion, unsure of what Quil had done to upset him.

I sat down, hoping it would prompt everyone else to do the same, since no one else had made a move towards the table. They seemed to snap out of whatever it was keeping them in their spots and quickly joined me. It was only once I began serving everyone that I realized there were _three _men not-so-subtly glaring at my boyfriend.

I slammed down my fork, and pointed my finger at each of them. "Alright, what the hell is going on here?" I demanded, arching an eyebrow.

"Language," Charlie chastised, but I simply shot him a look.

"Not today Dad, but would you like to tell me why you're all looking at Quil like you'd like to rip his head off!" Each one of them froze, but it was Quil's expression from the corner of my eye that concerned me most. His face paled, fork poised half way to his mouth, eyes wide—he looked terrified. Of me, of them, I wasn't sure.

Charlie, Billy, and Jake were trying their best not to make eye contact, instead staring directly at their plates. Involuntarily, my body began to quiver, the possibilities of what Quil's reaction could mean bringing terror down upon me. _Could Jake have been wrong?_ I didn't want to believe he had been, but at that moment, I wasn't sure what was happening.

"Quil?" My voice was small, coming out much quieter than I meant it to, and I turned to face him, ignoring everyone else.

"Please don't," he whispered, so softly I almost didn't hear him despite the fact that he was sitting right next to me.

My heart beat quickened, the sound of the blood rushing through it pounding in my ears, and I suddenly felt like I might be sick. His non-answer was creating more fear than the answer itself ever could. "Tell me," I pleaded with him, locking onto his eyes so he could see how much hurt I was feeling.

I saw the indecision in his eyes, he was battling with himself—not sure what information he should give me, or what he should keep hidden. It was less than a minute before I noticed it, the choice he made, and I braced myself.

He averted his gaze, looking at his fidgeting hands that lay in his lap. "I can't," the words came out sounding choked and strained, but I no longer felt the pain, the weariness of being hurt. No—I felt rage. Uncontrollable, pent up rage building like a fire throughout my body.

_He_ had walked away from _me _on Saturday night. _He _had left _me_ to question our relationship. The emotional rollercoaster I'd been riding for the last three days was entirely _his _fault. I wanted answers—no, I _needed_ answers.

My eyes narrowed, my hands curling into fists, and both my dinner and our obviously uncomfortable audience forgotten. Steeling my voice with more certainty than I felt, I kept my eyes focused on the side of his face and spoke, "Then I can't either."

His head snapped up and his eyes frantically searched mine for the meaning behind my words. In an instant the panic I witnessed returned, though for an entirely different reason I was sure. "Bella, no, please," he began to beg, but I shook my head, not allowing myself to listen to his words. He'd had his chance to speak and chose not to.

Without another word I stood, giving Billy, Jacob, and Charlie and apologetic smile as I held back the tears I could feel coming. My chest constricted tightly with each step I took, but I knew I couldn't stay in that house. I couldn't be near Quil at that moment—I had to get away.

If he couldn't be open with me—trust me— then it was better that I ended things sooner rather than later. Or, at least, that's what I tried to convince myself of as I ran out the front door as quickly as possible, attempting in vain not to stumble on the gravel driveway on the way to my truck. I managed to only slip once, the small rocks biting into my skin and making me hiss out in pain.

I batted the tears away from my eyes as they flowed freely, blurring my vision slightly. Ragged breaths escaped me as I tried my best not to fall apart while driving. _I just need to make it home. _It didn't register with me that I'd arrived at my house, that I'd parked crooked in front of my home, or that I'd somehow managed to drag myself inside. I was numb—a feeling I hadn't felt in so long. Whispers of a memory from long ago tugged at my mind.

The fact that my bedroom door was open despite the fact that I'd closed it when that morning did not process in my mind either, and I walked right in. The figure already waiting for me, however, snapped me from my stupor. My anger returned and flared up in full force.

"Bella, it's not what you think—" he started, but stopped as soon as he caught sight of my face, my wet stained cheeks and vacant eyes that stared him down with a searing gaze. "Bella?" He walked forward tentatively, palms up in surrender.

"Oh, so now you want to talk?" I snapped cruelly, allowing myself to channel my newfound emotions towards the man I loved so deeply. "What happened to 'I can't tell you' Huh?" My tone was mocking, raising an octave at the end.

Quil flinched at my words, but did not offer up any excuse. A bitter laugh escaped me, the sound foreign, and I walked over to my bed, ignoring him completely. Not bothering to look up I spoke, "Just go."

He remained where he stood. "I love you."

The soft words floated towards me and made my heart swell and ache at the same time. The anger whooshed from my body at the three simple words, my love from him overtaking all other feelings I may have been trying to hold onto.

Shaking my head furiously, I felt a new set of tears slide down my face. "Why won't you tell me then?" My voice was now completely broken, defeat making itself known. "Why don't you trust me?" I looked up at him questioningly through glossy, tearful eyes.

His feet moved soundlessly across the wooden boards of my floor as he came to sit beside me. I cowered against my pillow, not ready to forgive him entirely and allow him to touch me. He saw the slight movement and thankfully kept his hands to himself.

"Bella, look at me."

The sound of his voice caught my attention—the way it cracked slightly, yet still full of… love? I couldn't deny his request, and I glanced up briefly, _really _looking at him for the first time since entering my room. His eyes were watery, the unshed tears glistening with the setting sun that shone through my bedroom window.

He locked his gaze on mine and began to speak again. "I love you, and I _do _trust you." One hand rose up slowly, and when I didn't move he reached over and wiped the trail of wetness from my cheeks, then dropped back down by his side.

"Bella, you're everything to me, but there are some things that I just _can't _tell you. And I need you to be ok with that. I know I'm asking a lot of you, I get that, I do, but I love you so much. I can't stand the thought of losing you."

I could both see and hear the sincerity of his words, and I felt the knot in my chest loosen ever so slightly; each one of his words ringing in my ears, my mind absorbing their meaning. The intensity of his stare became too much, and I dropped my gaze.

"I love you too, I just feel… so… so…" I trailed, suddenly at a loss for words because at that moment, I wasn't sure what I was feeling, my emotions were all over the place.

He reached a hand over and took mine, and I allowed him. "Jake told me that you thought I was cheating on you," he offered when I didn't continue, "Well, more like he accused me of it and nearly kicked my ass while I was over at Sam's." He chuckled humorlessly, lightly brushing his thumb across the back of my knuckles.

He tugged on my hand to get my attention, and I glanced up at him curiously, his expression hesitant. "Do you really think that?" The question game out softly, like it caused him physical pain to actually ask.

I shook my head, "No, but once the idea was in my head… I just couldn't get it out, you know? And you've been acting weird, and I didn't know what to think." I shrugged, my reasoning sounded lame even to my own ears.

He changed positions, turning his entire body towards me and taking my other hand so both of his were tightly wrapped around my own. With a serious tone he spoke slowly, voicing each word clearly, "I have never and will never cheat on you. _Ever_."

It was that simple sentence that broke me, sobs bursting from me as I threw myself at him. He released my hands quickly to brace himself from the blow, wrapping his arms around my body instead. One hand brushed up and down my back in a soothing manner. "I'm so sorry," I cried into his neck.

I felt him place a kiss on my head as he squeezed me tighter. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have given you any reason to worry."

A giggle broke through the sobs, and I pulled back. "Well then we're both stupid and sorry," I smiled at him. He grinned back and nodded, but I didn't give him a chance to respond before I rushed at him again, pressing my lips against his almost violently.

The resounding growl that I felt vibrating from his chest spurred me on, and I fisted my hands in his hair. Leaning back so I could lie down, I pulled him with me, shifting so he could settle himself between my legs.

It didn't matter that I was practically panting and in desperate need for air, I attacked his mouth with a vigor I never had before. I was unleashing all the emotions I'd experience throughout the day, channeling them into the love filled lust that consumed me.

His hips pressed into me, and I moaned—loudly, encouraging him with the slightest thrust in return. Our lips broke apart when I white spots began to form before my eyes from lack of oxygen, but his mouth never left my skin. Instead, he traced tongue down the length of my throat to my collarbone, nipping and licking at the skin. Each touch eliciting sounds from me that I could not control.

My body was on fire, burning for him—his own fiery body heat already coating me in a thin sheet of sweat. I felt him tug at the hem of my shirt, and I raised my arms, allowing him to pull the scrappy piece of cloth up and over my head, before he tossed it to the side and onto the floor.

It was only then that I realized Quil was already shirtless, not that that fact should have surprised me, but I reveled in the feel of his scorching, muscled chest touching my naked flesh. His fingers made quick work of popping the button open on my jeans, and I whimpered in anticipation, pulling him back towards my face for another insistent kiss. My tongue darted out, licking across his lower lip before slipping inside and sliding languidly against his own.

I couldn't get enough of him, I wanted more. My shoes kicked off easily, and I barely heard the small thud as they hit the floor. And then Quil was breaking away from our kiss despite my protest, and scooting backwards on the bed. I eyed him questioningly, but understood when he reached for the waistband of my jeans, tugging them over my hips. I lifted off the bed slightly so he could finish the task. He then stood, quickly discarding his shorts and adding them to the growing pile of clothes.

Quil and I had made love many times during our time together, and we were no strangers to each other's bodies, but as he stood before me naked, I could help but to drink in the sight appreciatively. I'd come close to ending thing between us, the sobering thought was enough to remind me how much I loved the beautiful man before me.

His lazy grin made me smile as he climbed over top of me, wasting no time in reconnecting our passionate embrace. "Please…" I whimpered between kisses, "I want you, now." Another growl rumbled from the back of his throat.

With one quick movement he was inside me, and I threw my head back at the sensation. The feeling of him filling me completely was indescribable; I never wanted to feel anyone else in that way- only him. He began rocking against me, planting kisses wherever his lips could touch as I did the same. I met each of his thrusts, grunting and moaning each time he slammed back into me.

We both knew that the moment we were sharing was different than all the others, more special somehow, and it wasn't long before I felt the familiar tightening in my lower abdomen beginning to form. "Oh, God…" I ground out when he swiveled his hips against mine, my eyes rolling back in my head ever so slightly.

"Bella…" Quil told me in warning, and I knew neither of us could hold on much longer. My legs tightened around his waist as I felt myself clamp down around him, waves of pleasure rippling through my body as my back arched off the bed.

He quickly thrust into me twice more before I felt him shudder, his own orgasm overtaking him. We were both panting out our breaths as he collapsed against me, rolling over and pulling me atop his chest. "I love you," he whispered, one hand stroking my hair softly.

With eyes half closed in exhaustion, I placed a single kiss against his chest. "I love you too." We lay there, in each other's arms; both curled around the other as well fell asleep—together.


	12. The Truth About Lies

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_I really have the best beta ever, __**Buff82**__, and she deserves some love for all her hard work. She just finished her first fanfic story, __**Eclipsed Heart**__. Go, read, review. Also, you can follow me on twitter, link is in my profile._

Chapter 11: The Truth About Lies

**JPOV**

Bella was due to arrive at the house any minute; we'd made plans to spend the day together—like old times. I'd already pulled both our bikes out, making sure they were ready to go, and then double checked when I couldn't remember if I'd already filled up the gas tanks or not. We hadn't been riding in a couple months, and I had yet to have any time with Bella to myself since she'd returned to Forks for the summer; I couldn't help the excitement bubbling inside. I hadn't allowed myself to think about missing one on one time with her, but the electric current buzzing through me was making me realize just how much I had.

Things had transitioned smoothly between Bella and I, our prior feelings for one another were easily set aside once she'd made her to decision to be with Quil. I couldn't fault her for it; even I had agreed that they made a great couple. He treated her exactly the way she should be treated, and I could see that she was genuinely happy. If it had been anyone else, I probably would've stepped in long ago, but thankfully, that didn't happen.

Or so I thought. At that moment, I wasn't so sure anymore. Quil's behavior starting the night of the bonfire had been odd. He ran off at his own party, leaving his girlfriend alone and confused. I mean, it was a party for Embry and me as well, but I knew what was supposed to happen that night—the plans that Quil had spent six entire months preparing for.

And then he fucking left, not proposing, no explanation—nothing.

I couldn't follow him; Bella had needed me, someone to stay by her side when he was not. Sam had told me he was running a patrol even though I clearly knew it was a lie, but I didn't push him to tell me, never questioned what was really going on. It wasn't until a few days later when Bella came to me with that outrageous idea of Quil cheating on her that I finally snapped.

The anger that had surged through me at her words surprised me. I, of all people, should know if Quil was cheating or not. We were mind linked, unable to keep our thoughts blocked from one another—only Sam had managed to learn that task. Just the idea of someone—anyone—possibly cheating on Bella; hurting her in such a brash, selfish, and careless way—I was incised. So, I reigned in the brewing storm inside me and told Bella that she was wrong.

Her eyes told me she knew I was hiding something, that I was possibly unsure of my words. When, in fact, I was trying desperately not to run all over the place looking for Quil just so I could bash his head in as painfully as possible.

So, in the end, it didn't matter that I was most likely overreacting. It didn't matter that Quil was most likely innocent. I was out for blood, and I was going to make him pay. I marched out the back door, muttering about a pack meeting so that hopefully I could keep Bella from worrying—a futile attempt I knew—and I headed straight for Sam's house, knowing it was the best place to start looking.

And I had found him, getting in his face and calling him out. The minute I said the words and saw the look on his face, I knew I had been wrong. But the rage boiling inside me was begging to be released, and I ignored my better instincts to shut the hell up and let it go. It wasn't until Sam ordered me to leave and go home that I finally settled down, the red haze that had overtaken my vision settling and snapping me back to reality.

I went back home, tried to forget, and was looking forward to a nice meal cooked by Bella; I always enjoyed her meals the most. Unfortunately, eating didn't happen quite like I had hoped. Instead, my father, Charlie, and I got to witness, first hand, a fight of epic proportions go down between Quil and Bella.

I had stared, wide eyed, mouth agape, as she stormed off after essentially breaking up with him, and then I watched him follow, not bothering to slow down to a more natural speed in his haste to leave. But it wasn't even that day that was now bothering me most. It was the days that followed, or rather, the last two weeks.

Bella returned the day after the failure of a dinner and apologized, she explained that she and Quil had made up and that they had talked things out. It seemed that they had gotten over whatever it was that was going on, and things had gone back to… normal. Maybe I was the only that was convinced something was still very, very wrong.

Call it intuition, call it a gut feeling, but I _knew _there was something going on, something bad. I had no plans to share that particular piece of information with Bella, instead choosing to keep it to myself, but I would keep my eyes open and ready.

The cracking of gravel under tires alerted me of Bella's arrival, her mammoth truck parked out front of the house. A wide grin spread across my face at the sight of her, I'd truly missed spending time with my best friend. It was understandable that she'd spend most of her time with Quil, but I liked having her all to myself on occasion; it reminded me of the old days, before I knew that werewolves and vampires really existed.

Things were much simpler then.

"Bella," I called out, opening her door for her before she realized I was there. She smiled at me, throwing her arms around my neck as I pulled her from the cab and swung her around. It was something of a traditional greeting for us when we'd get together like this, another reminder the 'before' days.

"Jacob!" She screamed from surprise, but was laughing by the time I set her back on her feet.

Placing Bella safely back on the ground, I couldn't help but notice the slight tingle the contact had left on my palms. Pushing the thought to the back of my mind, I smiled down at her, nudging her with my shoulder, "So Shorty, you're sure you can remember how to ride one of these things?"

Rolling her eyes, she bit her bottom lip and elbowed my ribs. I grabbed the spot, barely feeling her boney elbow poke me, but feigning pain and doubling at the waist. "Please, Jake, I could run circles around you on one of those things," she laughed, jutting her chin proudly in the air.

"Pssh, I'd love to see you try," I teased, knowing full well that there was no way she possible could.

I led Bella around the side of the house, back to the make-shift garage that had played a significant role in our high school years. It was where we had put together our motorcycles, piece by piece, side by side, and it was where I continued to store them. It wasn't like Bella could keep them at her house, what with Charlie and everything, he'd likely have a heart attack if he saw his little girl on the back of a motorbike.

Bella immediately went for her bike, running her hand across the handles, stroking the seat in an almost affectionate way. "Oh, how I've missed you," she crooned, practically hugging the hunk of metal as she continued to talk to it.

"Should I give you two some privacy?" I asked, grinning in amusement. Her head shot up, and she glared at me, causing me to throw my head back and laugh. She might have been attempting to look like a deadly mountain lion, but she merely came off as a wounded kitten.

"Oh, bite me, Jacob," she snapped.

I froze, my jaw hanging slack, and I saw Bella's eyes suddenly go wide as realization dawned on her. "I… uh…," she stuttered, unable to find the words. We stared at each other, and then both of us were laughing, tears appearing at the corner of our eyes.

"How about we just get these bikes out of here, and we can go see about those circles you're supposed to ride around me instead?"

She nodded, and I followed her out of the garage and towards the trail that ran behind the house. "Is Billy home?" she asked, glancing over at the house and then at me.

Shaking my head, I just grinned. "Nope, he's at some elder meeting or something, we've got the place to ourselves for the day." Bella's returning smile sent a rush of flurried butterflies through me, catching me off guard. I had to look away in that moment, swallowing back the lump that had formed in my throat. _What the fuck was that?_

The roar of an engine snapped me back to attention, and I realized Bella had already mounted her bike and was speeding off down the small dirt path. Not to be outdone, I quickly threw my leg over my own bike and started off in the same direction.

I watched her hair whipping behind her, waving in the wind, her laughter floating back to me as I pressed down on the pedal to catch up with her. It wasn't due to rain until the afternoon, so we'd have a couple hours before we'd have to go in.

We spent that time chasing each other, taking turns being in the lead as we turned down one path and then another. I marveled at how well Bella was able to handle her bike after two years of practice; we hadn't had a trip to the ER in over a year. I was right, however, when I said she wouldn't be able to outride me, not that I was surprised.

It wasn't until my stomach began growling, reminding me that I'd yet to have lunch, that I finally asked Bella if we could stop and get something to eat. It was as if it were a sign, because just then, the skies opened up and a downpour of rain was unleashed upon us.

"Shit, let's hurry," I called over my shoulder, signaling for Bella to take her bike back to the garage before we were completely soaked. Her girlish squeals made me smile, and by the time we settled the bikes back into their resting place, we were both giggling like children. The rain hadn't been forgiving, nor had we been quick enough—we were drenched.

"Come on," Bella coaxed, grabbing my hand and leading me out the door, running towards my house, the mud splashing up behind her. At that moment I'd never been more grateful to be wearing shoes. I was not in the mood to be cleaning mud off my bare feet; something I had grown used to during my times of phasing.

We both crashed through the front door, sopping wet messes, our clothes dripping on the wooden floor. I was feeling more relaxed than I had all day, forgetting all my worries and anxieties in the presence of my best friend. "Oh, Bella," I grinned mischievously at her, slowly stalking forward.

Her eyes widened, and she began to take slow steps backwards, further into the house. "Jake, wait," she put her hands up in surrender. "Let's talk about this."

"Nope," I popped the 'p' and continued advancing on her like a wolf to its prey. We were dripping water all over my Dad's floor, but I couldn't bring myself to care; we were having fun. "I think I see a dry spot," I told her, pointing to a various point on her body.

Bella shook her head frantically. "I'm completely soaked, I promise."

I took off then, grinning manically, and I caught up to her half way down the hall, grabbing her by the waist and flinging my head side to side so all the water landed on her. Her screams only encouraged me, and I only released her when I felt that I'd gotten her good enough.

"Jake, you're such a dog," she complained, wiping water droplets from her face with the back of her hand.

I shrugged, "I know, you've told me plenty of times." Bella rolled her eyes.

"Doesn't mean you have to act like one _all_ the time, but listen, I need out of the clothes, it's kind of cold," she said to me, eyeing me expectantly.

I walked past her and into my room, digging around until I found some old sweats that I knew she'd borrowed once before. "Here, you can wear these and we'll throw your clothes in the dryer," I suggested, then grabbed clothes for myself and began walking towards the bathroom.

"Hey, Bella?" I paused, turning to eye Bella who was standing in the doorway to my room. "Make sure you knock first if you want in here, wouldn't want a repeat peep show occurring." She flushed red, and I chuckled to myself, glad to have teased her a bit.

A muted 'asshole' sounded just as I clicked the door shut. I quickly removed my wet clothes, tossing them into the tub with a loud thud, and then pulled on the sweats and t-shirt I'd grabbed from my room. Bella was still changing when I emerged from the bathroom, so I grabbed a towel and began mopping up the water that trailed from the entryway to the end of the hall. We'd made a much larger mess than I'd originally thought.

Bella tossed her clothes into our dryer and joined me just as I finished. We heated up some frozen pizzas and ate in the living room, discussing our plans for the fall. There was eventually a lull in the conversation, and I finally worked up the courage to ask the one question I'd been wanting to.

"How are things… between you and Quil," I asked hesitantly, glancing at her from the corner of my eye. Her face scrunched up in concentration, a wistful smile upon her lips.

"Things have been going really great actually, almost perfect," she explained between bites of pizza. "I mean, he was a little tense last Friday before we went over to Sam's for movie night, but after we got there he seemed fine, so I guess it was nothing."

I remembered that night, I'd seen Quil and Sam walk off outside to talk for a few minutes before returning inside with the rest of us. It wasn't odd Sam to speak privately with us from time to time, but, once again, that strange feeling had spread inside of me when I saw them.

Nodding, I set my plate aside, having already finished off my food. "I'm sure it wasn't anything, maybe he just wasn't looking forward to an evening being subjected to Leah's cheery personality," I joked. She reached out a lightly smacked my arm.

"Hey, ease up on her, she's been through a lot," she chastised, and I agreed with a quick, "sure, sure".

Bella stood up suddenly, grabbing both our plates and taking them into the kitchen. "I think Billy's supposed to be gone for awhile longer, you want to watch a movie or something?" I asked, walking in behind her.

"Actually, I've got to get going. I promised Angela I'd go furniture shopping with her for our new apartment. We've been trying to get together for a couple weeks now."

A pang of disappointment shot through me, but I understood. "Okay, rain check then," I laughed at my joke, and Bella smiled. She changed back into her now-dry clothes, and I walked her out to her truck since the rain had subsided to a slight drizzle. "See you Friday night at Sam's," I told her, holding open the driver side door for her.

"Sure, sure." We both smiled at her use of my favorite phrase. I shut the door and then watched as she slowly backed out of the driveway, her hand waving back at me before she disappeared down the road.

The house suddenly felt extremely empty without Bella's presence, and I didn't much feel like going back inside. Embry and Leah were running patrols for the day, and I wasn't scheduled to much later that night. Figuring I'd see if my Dad needed a ride home from his meeting, I decided to walk over the Tribe Counsel building. I would have run, but it was always risky in the daytime, and that particular building wasn't close enough to the woods, instead located more in the center of La Push.

It was a rather small structure, only one large room that was sometimes used for banquets and such, and then a second room that was used for Elder meetings. Quil, Sr. was visiting, so I assumed that they decided a meeting was necessary.

Quietly opening the door, I slipped inside, letting it fall closed with a soft click behind me; I didn't want to disturb them if they were in the middle of an important discussion or anything. The main room in front was empty, as I expected it to be, so I headed across the open space to the door located in the back right corner.

It was slightly ajar, and I could hear my father and Quil Sr.'s voices coming through the small opening. Just as I was about to push the door open, another voice spoke, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"What about Bella?" Quil shouted, and I heard the sounds of a chair being knocked over. "I love her, I won't just leave her." _What the hell?_

I had no idea what was going on, but I didn't like the sound of it. Quil's words were making my curiosity peak and my temper flare. It was wrong, I knew it, but I couldn't help but stay hidden and continue to listen to the conversation going on between Quil and each of the Elders.

"What about Claire?" My father asked, causing my brow to crinkle in confusion. _Who's Claire?_ His voice never wavered from its steady tone, even when you could verbally hear Quil's obvious distress. "What happens to her if you fight this, if you choose Bella?"

The scuffing sound of metal being dragged across the floor echoed through the room, and I assumed that Quil had righted his chair. "I don't know," he sounded small, defeated.

My hand began to tingle, and I realized I had been gripping the door knob tight enough to leave impressions from my fingers; I quickly released it from my grasp. My anger at hearing Quil speak about another girl, about having to 'chose' Bella brought back the memories of Bella in my kitchen, her face panicked and broken—asking me if her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Bella had assured me that was not the case, but as I listened to him speak, I was no longer sure. It was his next words, however, that brought the anger boiling up to the surface, ready to burst from me at any moment.

"She's going to hate me," Quil paused, "but she deserves to know about Claire. I'll tell her."

I knew I had to get out of there, if I didn't I would surly do something I'd regret. Instead, I waited outside, pacing desperately back and forth. Thoughts were racing through my head at an alarming rate, _Quil was cheating on Bella. Quil with some girl named Claire. But why would he need the Elders? _

Growling, I punched the nearest tree, just wanting to vent out some of the emotions coursing through my body. It splintered a bit under the force, but remained upright, for which I was grateful, given that it would've been hard to explain how I knocked down a tree with only my fist.

Finally, not only five minutes later, they emerged from the building. Each of the other men, aside from Sue who had taken her husband's place on the council, eyed me wearily as the left. Even my father was watching me carefully, and it was then that I realized I was shaking.

Quil stepped out last, eyes immediately locking on me, the rage I felt evident in my glare. His eyes widened in alarm, but he continued down the steps. "Jake…," he questioned, stopping a few feet from where I stood. It was probably for the best, I wasn't sure how in control I was at that moment.

"Who, the fuck, is Claire," I spat, not bothering to hold back my distaste for what he'd done.

I saw the panic flash in his eyes, though his demeanor remained calm. "Emily's niece," he answered casually, his nonchalant attitude pissing me off further.

"Not the kid, the girl you're obviously fucking around on Bella with!"

His expression finally broke, changing to one of utter disbelief. "What the hell are you talking about?"

My fists were clenched at my sides, shaking furiously as I screamed at him, "I HEARD YOU! So, I will ask you one more time. Who. Is. Claire."

It didn't matter what response I thought I'd hear, nor did it matter that Quil had been my best friend since we were four, the minute he spoke, I lost all sense of reason. I was no longer thinking, no longer feeling—red clouded my vision, and I lunged at him, my body phasing midair. His three words were like a siren in my head, screaming at me, and I couldn't escape.

"She's my imprint."

**An:**_ There are many of you requesting that I have Quil break the imprint already, so that he and Bella can live happily ever after and what not. In light of those reviews, I have a task for you— I want to hear how YOU would have it happen. Would Quil just be friends with his imprint and stay with Bella, would there be some sort of ceremony in order to break his imprint, or would he simply figure out a way around it? So, leave a review and tell me how you think it would happen. We're close to Bella finding out the truth, and who knows what will happen then._


	13. Secrets, Secrets are no Fun

**Disclaimer: **_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just having a little fun. _

**An:**_ Ok, the overwhelming response of opinions for this story was greatly appreciated. It's nice to know the perspective of my readers, and it also helps me understand what you all are thinking. One thing I would like to address is that when I was writing Torn, I said there would be no imprinting, which there wasn't—in Torn. This is an entirely new story despite it being a sequel._

_I'm sorry that some of you are not liking Quil right now and that many of you do not agree with some of the decisions I've made for the story, but if I wrote everything just to your liking then where's the fun in that? I hope you stick with me until the end, and while I don't mind hearing your opinions on each chapter, even if it wasn't your favorite chapter, please keep in mind that I write this for fun. _

_Thank you to __**Buff82**__ for sticking with me and being the best beta a girl could ask for and also to __**Maggieloo402**__ for pre-reading this chapter. _

Chapter 12: Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

**QPOV**

"I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do."

The man I had known all my life, the man I shared a name with, sat across the table watching me patiently. His calm demeanor irritated me, but I knew he was right, he couldn't help me— no one could. Calling the Elders together for a mid-morning meeting had been a last minute attempt to fix my current situation.

I sat there, silent, as he began to speak again. "You know I'd help you if I could, you're family, but five of you have imprinted now, and so far no one has been able to break that bond between wolf and mate. We just don't know how it could be done, I'm sorry." His eyes pleaded with me to understand.

My jaw tightened, the small light of hope I felt when I called the meeting flickered, and I felt it dim almost wholly. Anger bubbled inside of me as the fleeting thought that I had no choice in my destiny passed through my mind. I pushed it aside, not wanting to accept it.

Things had seemed much simpler when I awoke earlier that morning beside Bella, as I did every morning that Charlie worked the night shift. I had felt a semblance of peace. Watching her as she slept, I caressed the smooth expanse of her back, memorizing every part of her body that touched my fingertips. She was beautiful, her entire body carved from perfection and she was mine. My heart swelled with the love I felt for her, and once again, I found myself baffled that there could be anyway on Earth I would ever feel that way for another. Fuck imprinting, Bella was who I was meant to be with—I'd make sure of it.

She had begun to stir, so I stilled my movements, waiting as she sighed deeply before turning her head and facing me, her eyes still closed. I took a moment to admire her delicate features, fighting the urge to trace my fingers across her lips as they twitched, the corner of her mouth lifting up. I smiled, enjoying the serene moment.

Over the last two weeks things had started to look up for us—at least—I _hoped _they were. My relationship with Bella had eased, no longer a blanket of tension lying between us; we were back to the old us, the 'us' _before _my fucked up ancestry stole away the future Bella and I had mapped out together. I fought back the urge to growl at that infuriating thought.

All I had to do was think of the ring buried in my top dresser drawer, just waiting to be put on Bella's finger, and I was reminded of why I needed to see the Elders—that there was still hope. I'd figure out a way to fix everything, break the imprint, and Bella would never have to know.

It wasn't that I wanted to keep secrets from her, but Bella was happy from what I could tell. Truly, inexplicably happy for the first time since returning to Forks for her summer break, and I wasn't going to be the one to take that away from her. She'd been through so much in her past, broken so many times by those she loved, that I didn't have the courage—or the strength—to break her again.

My plans to meet with the Elders while Bella was off visiting Jake were not a planned event. My grandfather, Quil Sr., was visiting, and it suddenly occurred to me that they might be able to help. That if anyone knew of a way to break the imprint, it would be them. Obviously, didn't have any explanation when Sam had imprinted. He had unfortunately broken Leah's heart when he imprinted on her cousin, Emily; but I couldn't just _not _try and ask for their help. We weren't like Leah and Sam, Bella and I—we were different—we'd _be _different; because we would stay together, imprint be damned.

I went into the meeting hoping like hell, but not expecting much, and as I looked around the small room of Tribal Elders who had attended per my request I felt like I had finally lost. Looking into each one of their faces was like looking at stone carvings, stern and serious, only their eyes revealed the sorrow they felt for me, supplying me with my answer before I even asked the question. Taking a deep breath, I finally spoke, "There has to be another way, something I can do."

My Grandfather addressed me, folding his hands on the table in front of him, "Whether you like it or not, you have a decision to make, but you're fighting a battle that cannot be won."

My eyes fell closed, it was my worst fears being spoken aloud; each word more painful than the last. The emotions were building inside me, they had been for weeks, and I was like a shaken soda bottle—ready to explode. The pressures of keeping this secret to myself, of feeling like I was losing control of my own life—everything; it was becoming too much to handle.

"In my opinion, you should be thankful to have found your soul mate this early in life, not all wolves do. You boys have been blessed." That was it. I finally snapped.

"What about Bella?" I shouted, standing up and knocking my chair over in the process, but I couldn't bring myself to care. "I love her, I won't just leave her."

"What about Claire?" The voice I heard surprised me. Billy, although the closest thing to a tribe Chief we had, had remained nearly silent throughout the entire meeting. "What happens to her if you fight this, if you choose Bella?"

I was momentarily stunned; I hadn't even thought about what might happen to Claire. We didn't understand imprinting and there was no telling what kind of affect all this might have on her. Despite all my arguing to the contrary, I did care about her, I could _feel _the imprint connection I had with her. Somewhat embarrassed by my outburst, I lifted my chair back upright and slumped down into it, having no real answer for him.

My control was slipping, the hold I had on the reigns weakening, I was unsure how much longer I could attempt to steer. I could feel defeat washing at my feet, threatening to pull me under. As much as I loved Bella with all of my heart and soul, I felt Claire as well—the unexplainable bond causing me to ache at the thought of her being hurt. Would she feel a void if I succeeded? She was so young; would she forever have a hole in her heart that she could not explain? I could never live with myself if that were the case. I had not considered anything but Bella thus far and that reality came crashing into me like a bullet train.

"I don't know," my voice sounded small to even my own ears. No one spoke as I sat there with my head in my hands, my fingers gripping my hair almost painfully. This was it—the end—there was nothing more I could do to change what had happen, so it was time to be honest. "She's going to hate me," I drew in a shaky breath, "but she deserves to know about Claire. I'll tell her."

A numb feeling began to overtake my body, pushing the pain of the situation that I should have been feeling back. Fury laced through the numbness, reverberating through me as the disbelief and denial gave way to reality.

It took me a moment to realize everyone had stood and were getting ready to leave, apparently deciding that the meeting was over. I was still drowning in my own thoughts, trying process the last two hours. Something my Grandfather had said was nagging at the back of my mind, and I struggled to remember.

Walking from the building in a daze, anger edging at the surface, I had just stepped through the door when it clicked and my eyes widened with realization. It was also the moment I noticed a very large, angry figure not far from where I stood.

"Jake...," I questioned, approaching him cautiously, but stopping a few feet away. His body was quivering slightly, and I didn't want to get too close in case he phased. His eyes were menacing as he glared at me, and I knew that could mean only one thing—that whatever had brought him here, to confront me, involved Bella. But it was his next words that confirmed everything.

"Who, the fuck, is Claire?" he growled at me harshly.

He knew.

He fucking knew.

I managed to hold back any visible response, but I knew there was no walking away from it this time, no more deception. Jake was my best friend, but I wanted to tell Bella first, so I played with fire and tried not to get burned. Not a smart move when dealing with an unstable werewolf—thank God I was one too.

"Emily's niece," I answered, shrugging my shoulders and feigning ignorance. Off to the side, Billy and Quil Sr. had been speaking quietly with one another, but their conversation fell silent, both of them turning to stare at the two of us. Everyone else, thankfully, had left; there was no telling what would happen.

"Not the kid, the girl you're obviously fucking around on Bella with!"

My face scrunched up in confusion, and I stared at him in pure disbelief. I was certain he was there to pummel me for keeping the imprinting a secret, but I was floored to hear him instead suggest that Claire was a grown woman. He thought that I was cheating on Bella again, and I was at a loss for how to respond.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

That had been the wrong thing for me to say. I was fully aware of Jake's feelings for Bella, even if he didn't understand the extent of them. He had lost his chances with her when he went through his transformation—sometimes I thanked God that things happened the way they did, or Bella and I would have never found each other. But Jake was honorable, probably more honorable then I could ever hope to be, and he'd been the best kind of friend to her despite of our relationship. Because of that I knew Jake only got as angry as he was in that moment because the circumstances involved Bella, especially when the possibility of her getting hurt was involved, and I was unintentionally egging him on.

"I HEARD YOU! So, I will ask you one more time. Who. Is. Claire?"

The words I'd yet to speak aloud fell easily from my lips before my brain even registered that I was speaking, "She's my imprint."

It happened so fast I almost didn't have time to react, phasing just as a giant mass of fur flew at me, pinning me to the ground. I landed hard, the air whooshing from my lungs as I struggled to kick him off me. It didn't seem to matter that it was daylight and we were in plain view, nor did it matter that we had two witnesses nearby.

I finally placed my feet properly and shoved Jake off of me with my hind legs, flipping myself up onto all fours as we began to circle one another. Our eyes both gleamed with anger as Jake continued to scream at me within our minds. The second time he lunged, I was ready.

**F**

Bella and I were supposed to eat a late dinner that night. I had told her I had plans for the day, and I knew she was supposed to meet up with Angela later in the day; not to mention I wasn't sure how long I'd be. She never asked what I'd be doing and I never said.

My initial plan was to create another beach dinner, like the one after her high school graduation when I'd given her the wolf necklace. It was supposed to make up for the disastrous bonfire and to celebrate our relationship— but instead it would mean the end to the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Bella had often talked about the possibility of me imprinting; especially after Paul's imprint on Rachel. And though I'd been adamant about it not changing anything between us, she'd had an entirely different view—instead talking about not coming between me and my destiny. So chances were this would be my last dinner with her, because if I didn't tell her tonight, I knew that I likely never would.

Everything was in place—the blanket, the candles, the food—all as it was the first time we had dinner on the beach. I was a nervous wreck, however, fidgeting and unsure of how to bring up such a topic in conversation. It was going to kill me to break her heart.

As a last minute decision I had even called Jake to ask that he be nearby in case Bella needed him. Granted the first time I called he had refused to speak to me, but after relaying my message to Billy, I'd gotten a call back from Jake himself, agreeing to my request.

All there was left to do was wait.

**An: **_I wanted to let everyone know about a new fundraiser I will be starting in August. It's for a great cause, helping to raise money for Parkinson's Research. The fundraiser is called __**Foxy Fics**__, and you can find out more details here: __**http:/foxyfics(dot)blogspot(dot)com**_


	14. Secrets, Secrets Hurt Someone

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Twilight._

**An: **_For those of you who follow me on twitter, you may know of a very exciting charity fundraiser I've been putting together. It's called Foxy Fics and it is in support of The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's disease. I will list more information in my attention below, including a link to the blog I've made. I am contributing a o/s for the fundraiser, it will be an outtake from Torn, and anyone who makes the minimum donation to the fundraiser will receive that o/s, along with several others._

_Here is the chapter you've all been waiting for; I do hope you enjoy it. Thank you to __**Buff82 **__for beta'ing and encouraging me to keep going and to __**GinnMeadows**__ for talking this entire chapter out with me and being the wonderful friend and reader that she is. You can catch a o/s from each of them in the Foxy Fics compilation, they are both amazing writers._

_"We are torn between a craving to know and the despair of having known." - Unknown_

Chapter 13: Secrets, Secrets Hurt Someone

With my arm looped through Angela's we walked side by side down a street in Port Angeles. We were thrift store shopping, trying to find furniture for our new place off campus. We had applied for the apartment at the end of last year, but after not hearing back, had little hope in being accepted. The landlord, however, called Angela last week to tell her there was an opening; no more dorm room—we had our own apartment.

"I'm so glad you came, it feels like I haven't seen you in ages," Angela chided me, but with the grin on her face, I knew she was only kidding.

"Sorry about that, I guess I got a little caught up with Quil," I apologized and then giggled when she began to wiggle her eyebrows suggestively. I elbowed her ribs playfully in response.

"Mhmm, I'm sure you were." Angela gave me that 'I know what you've been up to' look, causing me to blush profusely.

"Now there's the Bella I've been missing," she joked, taking pride in my embarrassed state. We continued walking, catching one another up on our summer. We'd only been in touch by phone a couple times and neither of us had been free to get together.

"Oooh, let's go inside this one!" Angela exclaimed suddenly, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me through an open door. I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm, but I was secretly just as excited. Yes—I, Bella Swan, was excited to go shopping.

It turned out to be a pretty great store, having nothing but discounted, gently used furniture. We managed to get nearly everything on our list, including bookcases, a sofa, and a small dining set. We both left happy and feeling quite accomplished.

"Do you want to grab some dinner?"

"Sure—," I was cut off as my phone began to ring. The familiar song made me smile and I scrambled to dig the cell out of my bag.

I found it on the fourth ring and quickly flipped it open, "Hey babe."

"Umm, hi," Quil's voice sounded off and uncertain, peaking my concern.

My brows furrowed, and I tried to conceal my curiosity that everything was alright. "Is everything okay?"

"What? Oh, yeah, everything's fine. I was just wondering… if maybe… you could come back early? You know, for dinner?" his words were rushed and scattered, he almost sounded… nervous? I still had a strange feeling, like something wasn't quite right, but Quil had said everything was fine, so there really was no reason to worry.

I nodded, but then realized he couldn't see, "Sure, Angela and I just finished up so I can head back now."

He sighed heavily into the phone. "Great, I'll see you then. I have something important I want to talk about." The phone clicked as he hung up before I could even respond.

Closing the phone, I frowned at it, perplexed by the odd conversation I'd just had. "I take it we're not having dinner?" Angela questioned after I failed to speak. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and slipped the phone back into my purse.

"No, sorry, that was Quil. He wants me to meet him, said there was something 'important' he wanted to discuss."

Angela quirked a questioning brow, but I merely shrugged, having no real answer to give her. She was thankfully understanding about the fact that I was ditching her for my boyfriend, one of the many reasons I loved having her as a friend.

We used the drive home, since we'd both ridden in Angela's car, to discuss our plans for the upcoming school year, I would be going back to work at the library in another month and Angela would return to campus shortly after. Since I would be going first it was up to me to set up the apartment—we'd already paid to have our furniture delivered the day after I arrive.

My phone chirped as we made our way into the town limits of Forks, alerting me of a new text message.

**Quil:**_ Meet me at my house._

I couldn't help but giggle at the idea that he'd sent me a text message of all things, Quil rarely used the phone I had insisted he get after my departure to college. He only agreed because it meant being able to talk to me on a more regular basis, only leaving it behind when he would phase or go on patrol.

"Quil?" Angela questioned, no doubt coming to that conclusion by the look on my face alone. I nodded and told her that he'd messaged me. I decided, however, that I wanted to drive my own truck over to his house and instructed her to take me home rather than straight to Quil's. We said our goodbyes as she dropped me off and I made plans to meet her for lunch later in the week, promising that I would not 'blow her off' for Quil yet again.

There was no real point in changing my clothes, as I'd already changed them once that day between coming home from Jake's and going out with Angela, so I went straight to my truck. I hadn't seen Quil since early that morning, and I was anxious to get to him; the lack of Angela's presence allowed me to recall the way he sounded on the phone, and my need to get to him increased.

The sun was beginning to set when I arrived. Quil was waiting out front, sitting in one of the old chairs that I often admired, the wooden seats more comfortable than most. I could see him as I pulled into the drive, his leg bouncing obnoxiously as he sat, but as soon as I turned off the engine he was out of his seat and striding over towards me quickly.

I'd no more than closed my driver side door before Quil's arms were wrapped around me and his lips were on mine. The kiss was passionate and heated, like he was putting everything he had, every emotion he felt, into it. It was desperate and needy, but entirely welcome.

"What was that for?" I questioned after he pulled away and I waited for my breathing to return to normal.

"I missed you," he said sweetly, placing a small kiss on my forehead. His actions gave away nothing, but I could see that something was bothering him by the way his smile didn't quite reach his eyes and the way his foot continued to tap nervously on the ground. "Are you ready to eat?"

"Starving, did you cook?" I asked hopefully with a grin; I always loved it when Quil would cook.

He smiled proudly, wrapping one arm around my shoulders. "Don't you know me better by now? Of course I cooked." I eyed him curiously when he steered me away from the house and instead began walking towards the beach, but I didn't question his motives.

'Our spot' came into view moments later, and I stopped short at the sight. There was a blanket lying on the sand, a series of tea candles spread out around it, and a picnic basket placed in the center. Quil had re-created the dinner from my graduation night.

My fingers instinctively reached for the wolf charm dangling around my neck; that had been the night he'd given it to me. I wracked my brain quickly, making sure I wasn't forgetting something important, but could recall nothing; the fact that he'd gone through the trouble of doing something so special for me, with no special occasion to prompt him, made it that much better. "It's beautiful, thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured as he led me over to the blanket, helping me sit before he took a seat next to me and began to unload the basket full of delicious foods.

We ate, Quil asked me about my morning with Jake and then about my evening with Angela. I told him about the motorcycles and how great it felt to be riding again, and then I gushed about the shop Angela and I had found, being able to get enough items to fill our new apartment. Quil's expression tightened at the mention of my impending absence back to Seattle, so I quickly changed the subject.

"How was your day?" I asked as I laid back on the blanket. The sun had fully set, and I could see the stars twinkling across the sky. That, combined with sound of the waves crashing across the beach, lulled me into a peaceful state. It was great being in Forks on nights such as that one, when the clouds held off long enough to enjoy such a beautiful site. It was something I missed when I was in Seattle; there were too many lights in the big city to see any stars at all.

It took me a moment to realize Quil still hadn't answered. Glancing over at him, I noticed that he, too, was staring at the sky, his expression something akin to panic. "Quil…?" I questioned, turning my body towards his.

"I met with the Elders today."

It was a statement, one that I didn't really understand, but I assumed he didn't want to talk about _why _he had to meet with the Elders. "How did that go?" I prompted when he didn't elaborate.

His fingers began to drum against his side, his eyes fell closed, and I could feel his body tense next to me.

"Not that well."

Again with the short answer. I sighed, not quite sure what was wrong or what he wanted from me, but wanting to offer him something when he was so visibly distressed. "I'm sorry."

His eyes shot open and over to me, "Don't say you're sorry, you didn't do anything." I was taken aback for a moment by how fierce his voice was, his demanding tone catching me off guard. "Shit, I'm sorry Bella. I'm doing this all wrong."

He sat up then, placing his head in his hands and gripping onto his hair tightly. I wanted to reach out to him, to soothe whatever was bothering him, but I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. I sat up, facing him, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, look at me," I pleaded in a soft voice.

Quil lifted his face, but his eyes darted everywhere except for to me. I chose to ignore the fact that it hurt to not have him looking at me, "Whatever it is, I'm here when you're ready to talk." He nodded, rubbing his palms across his shorts several times.

His gaze continued to be everywhere but on me, but I watched as he opened his mouth and then shut it several times. "I—," he started once, but then cut himself off abruptly. I sat, waiting patiently, as he gathered himself.

I was startled moments later when his eyes locked on mine, the intensity of his gaze alarming. It was like seeing into his very soul, the anguish, the pain, and most of all—his love, all there for me to see. Something was very, _very _wrong. Butterflies assaulted my stomach, and I felt slightly nauseous, but I didn't break our stare.

I opened myself to him, letting him see the love I held for him and how he meant more to me than words could express. I wanted— no I _needed _for him to know. And he did, I could see it the moment he realized how I truly felt, but his returning expression was one of devastation, another emotion I didn't understand.

"Bella, I need to tell you something," he finally spoke, his eyes searching mine. I nodded slightly to tell him I was listening. "I li—," he was interrupted by a loud crack, as a thunderous downpour of rain was unleashed upon us. I cursed my luck of having been caught in a freak rain storm twice in one day.

Apparently too caught up in one another, we had missed the storm clouds rolling in. We scrambled to gather our things, leaving most of the candles for later, and ran for his house. Both of us were soaked, much more so than I had been earlier in the day. I attempted to wring my clothes out as best as possible before entering his house. I didn't think that Ms. Ateara would appreciate water all over her nice wood flooring.

"I'll get us some dry clothes." Quil motioned for me to follow him back to his room, and I quickly obeyed. I was shivering, the cool air in the house quite unpleasant against my wet skin. Standing near the edge of the bed, but not wanting to sit for fear of getting his things wet, I waited patiently.

Quil opened the top drawer of his dresser, shuffling things around in search of dry clothes for me to wear. It occurred to me that it would be the second time that day that I would be wearing clothing that was not mine, first Jake's and now Quil's. The fleeting thought was gone before I could realize it was there, _whose would fit better?_

I watched as he yanked on a piece of fabric from the back of one drawer causing something to pop out and land on the floor with a small thud. He froze, hand still firmly wrapped around the offending t-shirt that had dislodged the object in the first place. I looked first at him and then to his feet where a small, perfectly square velvet box had landed.

My eyes widened. _It couldn't be. _"Is that what I think it is?" I asked timidly, not sure whether I wanted to hear his answer or not.

A loud exhale let me know that Quil had been holding his breath. Very slowly he turned around, making no attempt to reach for the item in question.

"Yes." He offered no further explanation, but the one word was all I needed to hear. Suddenly the past few weeks fell into place— Quil's mysterious disappearance, his standoffish attitude. He had been planning this all along, and he was no doubt nervous and unsure - he knew how I felt about getting married too young.

I felt foolish; I was mortified that I had ever accused him of cheating on me. I had lost my trust in him, and I ached inside when I realized how that must have made him feel.

With a shaking hand I tentatively reached towards what I then knew to be an engagement ring. I questioned Quil with my eyes to make sure it was ok for me to touch it. His expression told me to continue.

I picked it up, cradling it with the fingers of my left hand as I slowly lifted the lid with my right.

I gasped.

Inside was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. It wasn't large, but I wouldn't have wanted anything other than simple. In other words—it was perfect.

"It's beautiful," I breathed. Quil had yet to say a thing. The next words tumbled out of my mouth before I could think to stop myself, "Is this why you disappeared at the bonfire?"

His gaze, which had been fixed on my hands, snapped up to meet my questioning eyes. We stared, neither speaking, as I watched him think over his response. Something in his expression changed and he turned away from me, continuing his quest for clothing.

"I was going to propose that night," he started, and I tried hard not to show the shock on my face in case he were to glance over. He pushed the top drawer shut and opened another.

"What happened?" I asked when he didn't continue.

"I imprinted."

His voice was so small I wasn't sure I'd heard him correctly. "Excuse me?"

He turned towards me, his eyes slowly lifting mine, and I could tell that he really did not want to tell me. His voice was clear the second time, and I heard every word, "I imprinted Bella."

It felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach, the air whooshing from my lungs. I stumbled back towards the bed and collapsed on the edge, words escaping me.

_He imprinted._

_Quil… imprinted._

The thought was foreign and unwanted, the very words bitter tasting I mouthed them, trying to convince myself that I'd heard wrong; only… I hadn't. I was vaguely aware that Quil was still speaking to me, no doubt explaining the circumstances under which this travesty had occurred.

"… but then Jake found out, and we end up in this huge fight…"

My head snapped up at his words, "Jake knew?"

Quil stopped speaking immediately, most likely surprised by my sudden acknowledgement of his presence. "Yes, but—"

I cut him off, "Thanks."

I was numb as I stood up from his bed, no longer aware that I was still a sopping wet mess. On autopilot I walked from the house to my truck, thankful that I had left my purse in there earlier because there was no way I would have remembered to grab it. I did not notice Quil following me as I left his room. Nor did I notice his tear stained face standing in the front door way, watching me back out of his drive—out of his life.

Because only one thing was on my mind, _Quil was no longer mine. He belonged to someone else._

_And Jacob knew._

My brain must've instinctively taken me where I knew I needed to be, but I didn't register the motions. It wasn't until I looked up at the familiar red paint that I realized I'd driven to Jacob's house. I didn't get out of the truck, my hands still gripped the steering wheel to the point that my fingers ached.

The driver door opening did not faze me, warm hands prying me away from the car went hardly noticed, it was only when he spoke that I finally broke from my stupor.

"Bella, honey, are you ok?"

A bitter laugh escaped me and my eyes turned to slits as I glared at the man I'd once called my best friend. "No, I am definitely not fucking ok," I spat, anger surging through me, pushing me to release my inner rage.

His eyes went wide at my words. He tried to reach out to me and I swatted his hands away. "Don't fucking touch me," my thoughts were jumbled, wanting nothing more than to lash out at him. _How dare he try to be my friend, he lied to me, he hid things from me._

I didn't acknowledge the pain in his eyes at my rejection, and I ignored his pleading voice. "What did I do?"

I actually snorted at the question. "What did you do? What did you DO? Well, you see, it's more like what you DIDN'T do!" I screamed, not caring who might be around to listen. It was late, completely dark out, and I was getting loud enough to draw attention of the neighbors.

"Bells, please—"

"Don't call me that! How could you not tell me Jacob! How? That he imprint! That he wasn't mine; that he was never going to be mine!" I was breaking down with each word, but I'd be damned before I let Jacob see me do it. "How could you?" The last part came out as barely a whisper, and I slouched back against my truck for support.

Every fear I ever felt, every uncertainty about what Quil was - was coming to fruition. I was angry with Jake for not warning me, I was angry with Quil for being what he was, but most of all I was angry with myself for not being smarter. Once again, I had fallen for a man that was beyond me, out of my reach. I had known that it was inevitable, thinking at least anytime at all with him would be worth it. Although, I never expected in a million years that it would happen so soon, and again I was too hopeful. Perhaps a naive part of me that I wouldn't acknowledge out right thought I would get lucky— I was realizing now just how much of me really thought that, too much of me. What a silly little girl I was to think I deserved him, to think that this could never happen - that our love would be stronger than fate.

Jacob reached out as if to help me, but thought better of it and dropped his hands. Through my own hazy vision I could see his watery eyes, although no tears fell. His expression matched that of Quil's, if not worse, but I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty for what I'd said.

"I'm sorry."

Two words were all that he had to offer me. But it wasn't enough, and I felt the sudden suffocating need to get out of there. I wrench open the truck door and climbed in, throwing the gear in the reverse before Jacob could stop me.

I didn't even make it five minutes before I had to pull over, my body convulsing with gut-wrenching sobs that I tried to hold back. But it was there, on the side of a road, between Forks and La Push that I finally allowed myself to break down. Tears spilled forth, flooding my cheeks, and I wiped the snot from my nose with my sleeve. I was an utter mess, fleeting memories of Alice's phone call weeks ago coming to mind.

"_You were crying, Bella, on the side of the road, sitting in your truck. You look so upset, I think something awful happened," Alice explained in a very serious, un-Alice like manor._

"_I thought you couldn't see me in your visions anymore?" I tried to not think about the 'why' she could all of a sudden see me, and focused more on the fact that her vision could mean any number of things. If I thought about it too much, I knew it would end up causing me more worry than anything._

"_This is the first time I've seen a real vision of your future. I don't know what it means, but I'm worried. Promise you'll call me?"_

"_Thank you Alice, if something happens, you'll be the first person I call."_

_After all, who was I to bet against Alice?_

She had been right, as predicted, and I knew what I needed to do. I reached over to the passenger seat for my bag, digging aimlessly through tears for my phone. I flipped it open, getting ready to press send when the driver side door opened.

I screamed as I whipped around suddenly, stunned by the person standing there.

"Move over," Leah demanded. I remained still, gaping at her.

She huffed and shoved me across the seat to the passenger side. I didn't even realize I hadn't put on my seat belt; Charlie would be disappointed.

Leah turned the key in the ignition, and I quickly strapped myself into my new seat. Eyeing her wearily, I wasn't sure if I should ask her what the hell she was doing there, or if I should just show my gratitude that she'd gotten me off the side of the road before my father or someone else found me there.

"Thank you," I murmured through sniffles and snotty sobs. I was no longer embarrassed about how I may appear. Leah merely grunted in reply.

She drove me home, not speaking a word, and I'd never been so grateful to find Charlie's cruiser still gone.

"Pack a bag."

I looked over at her in surprise, my eyes wide and questioning. "Why?"

"I'm helping you get out of here."

**An: **_If you are interested in learning more about Foxy Fics, you can check out the blog at: __**http:/foxyfics(dot)blogspot(dot)com**__. It's for a very good cause, and one that is very personal to me. All you have to do is click on the 'how to donate' button and it will give you all the details you need. Remember, $5 or more gets you an outtake from Torn, and many other great o/s's!_


	15. Destruction, Deconstruction

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Twilight. _

_**An: **__I know that I warned everyone about updates being far between, and I apologize. I decided to go back to college and am taking four classes right now on top of my already busy and chaotic schedule. I will try to write as often as I can, and I definitely still plan to finish this story. Thank you to all who have stuck by me and have continued to read, I appreciate it more than words can say. Each review brings a smile to my face and keeps me motivated to continue. Thank you to __**Buff82**__, my rock, my guide, my voice of reason, and all around best friend. She deserves co-writing credit on this chapter as well as beta'ing credit. Go read her new story, Redeem Me, you'll love it._

_The first quote is one I found, and I felt it suited Bella's emotions throughout this chapter. The second quote is from a song, and it reflects Bella's feelings for the end of Chapter 13, carrying over into the beginning of this chapter. Enjoy._

"_We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way."_

Chapter 14: Year One: Destruction, Deconstruction

_I'm gonna drive and never slow down,_

_I'm gonna drive until I breakdown. _

_Packing my things and getting out of this town,_

_I'm gonna drive until I breakdown._

"_Breakdown" by Plain White T's_

_**August (a couple weeks after Bella left Forks)**_

I wore a smile on my face; it hung there meekly, the corners of my lips barely turned up - but a smile nonetheless. It was supposed to be a happy day. Angela smiled back at me as we carried one of the largest boxes into the apartment.

The stairwell was muggy, the air thick as the dismal breeze that blew outside could not reach the stuffy corridors. The elevator was busted, so we lugged our belongings one-by-one up the stairs. Ben followed along, more than happy to help, stopping to supply Angela with small pecks on the cheek in between runs. I looked away each time, my stomach clenching tightly.

Leah gave me an encouraging smile as she passed me on in the doorway, having already carried her load of boxes up the three flights of stairs with ease. I knew she was "acting human" for Angela and Ben, something she didn't really care to do, but I was grateful for her help. Leah had really been there for me the last few weeks, taking charge and helping me through the emotional mess that was currently my life.

Alice had also offered her help, but I wasn't ready to see her yet. I knew it wasn't her fault, in any way, what had happened between Quil and me, but some small part of me wanted to blame her. That perhaps if she hadn't had the vision that she did, it wouldn't have happened. It was completely illogical, but I felt it just the same. It took me promising to let her come over and decorate, to distract her from coming to my side immediately.

Overall, I was miserable. I was alone and I was miserable, but I wasn't curled in a corner of my empty apartment crying over things that were lost - things that were out of my control; not that Leah would've let me do that anyway. With a deep sigh, I pressed my feet harder into the mildewed carpeting that covered the old building's stairwell, pushing myself to keep moving, starting my life, fighting through the pain.

And there had definitely been pain, the kind that threatened to hold the air in my lungs hostage if I thought for too long, the stabbing ache in the pit of my stomach – there was plenty of pain. This was my life, what fate had dealt me, and I wasn't curled in a ball dying, but instead, I was pressing forward – surviving.

_**September**_

In theory I had thought that returning to school early would help ease my mind off the disastrous summer I'd had. What I hadn't anticipated was how it seemed that every male could suddenly sense that I was, for all intents and purposes – single. I'd never been the popular one, the pretty one, I wasn't _that _girl. So why were guys interested in me? I was broken, still trying to heal myself, and I wanted nothing more to hang a sign around my neck that screamed "run away while you still can" just so they would know that nothing good ever comes from being around me. Everyone I loved left me eventually, I was simply saving the poor saps at school the trouble of getting hurt themselves.

My birthday was in two days and I could have cared less. There was no cause to celebrate, and the only person who didn't seem to understand was my mother. Thankfully she was far enough away that I'd only have to suffer through a phone call. I owed that much to her, I had been avoiding her completely for several weeks, but there wasn't much to report back on. I wasn't particularly thrilled about rehashing the last few weeks.

The pinnacle of my terrible summer, and what was leaking into the beginning of the school year, was a few weeks back. I had taken my time unpacking, leaving a handful of boxes in my closet to go through when I felt up to it. A week before classes began I found myself bored and alone in my apartment. Angela and ben were out at a move, so I rummaged through my closet and pulled out the first three boxes I touched. Two of which were odds and ends, some empty picture frames, some old notebooks, and makeup I no longer used (nor ever had). I left it all in the boxes and marked them for Goodwill.

Opening the last box, my heart stopped cold in my chest. It was unmarked, and I was completely unsuspecting to its contents. My hands shook as I pulled out one 4x6 print after the other; a collage in pieces of our time together, one that once hung proudly on my wall. Smiling faces, kisses, gazes lost deep in the other's eyes – no clue the picture had been snapped. Friends surrounding us, lingering fingers laced as we walked down the beach. Each little moment, every smallest detail was there for me to see. The love in his eyes – I could see that too, but more so I could feel that it was not enough. That I was not enough, and my fingers twitched against the glossy paper; itching to rip it, to hear that crisp sound as I pulled it apart, destroying the history.

But in my heart I knew that would do me no good. Short quick breaths only barely controlled the tears that streamed down my face, staining some of the memories with fat drops. Dropping the pictures in hand back with the remaining contents of the box, I stood with blurry vision and fumbled for my dresser. Retrieving the item I wanted, I kneeled back down onto the floor, my body trembling. With weak hands I placed the small, carved, wooden wolf that hung on its worn, leather rope atop my printed memories. Sealed the box, I pushed it to the deepest, darkest corner of my closet.

The remainder of that afternoon was spent in my bed as I attempted to wash the vision of those pictures, of the happiness that was soundly in my hands, away with my tears.

_**October**_

The goo of the pumpkin's innards felt sardonically good squished between my fingers. I was getting some sort of sick pleasure out of ripping someone else's insides out for a change. I pulled the dripping mess in clumps from the round, orange vegetable and dropped it with a loud, soggy plop into the bucket at my feet. This was turning out to be very cathartic, I was enjoying myself.

Knife in hand, I was ready to give my pumpkin life, character. I contemplated for a moment how ironic that thought was, as that was something I had been struggling to find for myself over the past few months. What should I carve? If I were to put my face on this pumpkin what would it look like? I laughed bitterly as I realized that in that particular moment, it would have been blank. Maybe just a nose; I wasn't entirely sure. At times I felt like I was finding myself, but the pain still lingered and that angered me.

Stabbing the knife with a pointed jab, I settled on the only thing that seemed appropriate. The pumpkin was as empty as I was, so I gave it a fitting expression. It didn't take long to carve two X's for eyes and a flat, long mouth.

Placing the pumpkin on the balcony aside Angela's I smiled at the two. She had carved Snoopy into hers, and it was perfect. But so was mine in its own way. She grinned and placed a candle inside both, lighting them both. The pumpkins came to life, a warm glow billowing from their bellies, making their eyes dance. My smile dropped, the pumpkin and I no longer matched.

_**November**_

The wine in my glass swirled, lapping against the sides and my eyes locked onto it, mesmerized. I took one more bite of my turkey and sighed, dropping my fork to almost full plate. Turkey, stuffing, cranberries, sweet potatoes… I had all the familiar things you'd eat at Thanksgiving, but nothing felt the same.

I stood and took my plate to the kitchen, clearing the contents into the trash. As I glanced around the counter tops I decided the best thing would be to pack the food up and take it to a shelter, there was no way I could eat all of the food myself. With an entire Thanksgiving dinner packed and ready to go, I left my apartment and headed downtown, content that at least someone would enjoy a nice dinner.

I couldn't bring myself to go home this year for the holidays, and at the time it seemed almost exciting to plan my own dinner – in my own apartment. Then when all three of my guests cancelled on me, I had been stubborn and made the dinner anyway. Although the day had been slightly depressing and lonely, I knew deep down it was better than the alternative. I couldn't go back there – to Forks – not yet.

If you were to look closely I would have resembled a lace doily, held together by delicate fabric and ordained with intricate holes. But I could feel the threads fortifying, strengthening with time, and as I pieced my life together in a new place, I knew that separating every part of the old Bella from the new Bella was essential.

_**December**_

Last year Quil and I had spent the evening hanging decorations and stealing kisses under the mistletoe every chance we got. Charlie would clear his throat and glare in our direction, but I could see the underlying grin he was trying to suppress.

The fact that I possessed the ability to remember those moments and fondly at that, showed how far I had come. There was a familiar tug of sorrow that loomed, but I knew it well and welcomed it like an old friend. It was a part of me as much as the rest of my past, and I was learning to grow with it – in spite of it. But I was far from fixed and that was glaringly obvious when I phoned Charlie to tell him I wasn't coming home for Christmas; I begged off sick to keep my father from asking me to come.

Coward.

To make things worse I had also refused to help Angela decorate our tree, instead choosing to watch her and Ben. Perhaps it was the masochistic side of me wanting to see another happy couple enjoy the sentiments of the holiday, but either way, she thankfully didn't mind my 'bah humbug' attitude. It wasn't until she pulled out a familiar green, leafy ornament, that I instantly recognized as mistletoe, that I had finally burst out in tears. Ignoring their startled expressions, I ran to my room, locking the door behind me.

And it was moments like that which reminded me how far I had left to go.

_**January**_

I watched stoically as the crystal ball began to drop, people all around me had beginning to count.

_Ten…_

_Nine…_

The secret hope that a new year could mean a change in life, a real chance to start over, bubbled up inside me. I wanted, no, I _needed _to move on fully with my life.

_Eight…_

Memories still plagued me, holding me under. There were times I could break the surface, long bouts where I felt almost normal, but I would always inevitably succumb to the strength of Quil's undercurrent. One shining ray of hope – my constant life raft in the darkness – was Leah. She had become an ever-present person in my life, growing closer to me than even Angela, though that was more likely due to the fact Leah knew about the supernatural world, and Angela did not.

_Seven…_

_Six…_

_Five…_

I looked around at my fellow party-goers, feeling out of place among them. On the outside I appeared as if all were ok – my silvery dress falling mid-thigh, my make-up and hair done to perfection (courtesy of Angela and Alice), my lips were turned up in a smile. If a stranger were to walk by, they'd never know how much I'd suffered these past five months.

On the inside, however, I was barely keeping it together. New Year's marked the end of my time with Quil, with the pack. To me, at midnight, things would seem all-together final, and it would be time to start the beginning of my new life – a life with new people, new opportunities.

_Four…_

_Three…_

The countdown continued, and I began tapping my foot in anticipation.

_Two…_

Things were going to be different next year, no more wallowing, no more pushing to survive.

_One… Happy New Year!_

I, Bella Swan, was going to _live._

_**February**_

If Valentine's Day had occurred last year, in the fall, and not post-New Year's, I could venture to guess that I'd be in my room, door locked, and crying as either Angela or Leah pleaded with me to come out. But, as it happened, I was currently in the supermarket, a smile on my face, and picking up flowers and candy for the both of them.

I had jokingly told Ben that he was sharing his Valentine this year, stating that I asked her first and that best friends trumped boyfriends. I'm not sure he agreed with me, but he laughed along anyway. Leah, God bless her, was coming up for the evening to keep me company. We had plans for dinner, since Angela and Ben had plans of their own, and then we were going back to my apartment to watch an action-movie marathon in boycott of Valentine's Day.

I couldn't have been happier.

_**May**_

It felt like déjà vu as I looked around the small apartment that I had shared with Angela for nearly a year. Boxes piled in every corner, Ben and Leah once again helping us move them out one-by-one. It saddened me to know that she and I would not be rooming together next year. Some part of me knew that it was only a matter of time before Ben would finally pop the question, and then they'd move on with their lives – together. That day had apparently been on a trip back home during spring break, where Ben had asked Angela to marry him at a family dinner party.

When she'd returned, ring on her finger, only a part of me had been jealous. My mind had briefly drifted to images of the ring _I _should have been wearing, but wasn't. In the end, however, I could bring myself to agonize over the 'what-ifs' or 'what could/should have been'. Instead, I congratulated two of my closest friends on taking the next big step in their lives, and I felt at peace with the fact that I would one day find who I was meant to be with.

Pulling out the last of my boxes, I double checked my closet for any lingering items of clothing. The light from my window barely lit the inside of the small, dark area, scarcely exposing the dusty corner of a brown box. I pulled it out, my brows furrowing as I did not recall packing anything and storing it in my closet. When I saw the packing tap that had been carelessly strewn across the lid, barely holding it closed, the memory of it came rushing back.

My life was in the box – my old life. I sighed heavily, grabbing a roll of packing tap and sealing the box up tighter.


	16. Recovery, Discovery

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Twilight._

_**An: **__I give all beta'ing credits to __**Buff82**__ as always. She continues to be my support as I try balance RL and my love for writing. Thank you all for being so patient with me. If you're still with me, your support is wonderful, thank you. Also, if you're looking for some E/B love – go read Buff's new story, __**Redeem Me.**_

"_When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal." – Author Unknown_

Chapter 15: Year Two: Recovery, Discovery

_**June**_

My arm rested lazily across my face, blocking out the sun's rays as I lie on the beach. Renee was lying on her stomach beside me, her nose buried in a fashion magazine. We were doing the mother/daughter bonding thing – her words, not mine – and making up for all the time lost between us since my move to Washington over four years ago. Besides, in truth, I had missed my Mom – and the sun. I'd grown accustomed to a different kind of warmth over the years, but I had been living in the cold this past year. It was nice to feel heat on my skin once again. Digging my hand lightly into the sand, feeling the individual grains against the pads of my fingers, I decided it was a healthier warmth, good that I didn't need to rely on another person for its source.

It hadn't been a hard decision to spend my summer in Florida. I had already been dubiously plotting ways to avoid returning to Forks, and what I should tell Charlie that wouldn't raise his suspicion. Even if my heart was healed, as much as it would ever be, I wasn't ready to go back there. I didn't think I'd ever be. So, Renee's call just two weeks before school let out had been more than welcoming. She and Phil bought my plane ticket while I was on the phone, overly eager about my acceptance of their invitation. I already planned to have my things packed away in a storage unit in Seattle until I returned and my new place was ready. I'd heard from Angela after I left that she had Ben already moved into our old place, and they were enjoying their newfound living arrangement.

My first week in Florida had been uneventful, mainly consisting of shopping and trips to the ocean front. I was so happy to feel _happy _that I even allowed my mother to schedule us a joint spa appointment. I just secretly hoped that Alice didn't see – she'd be disappointed that she missed out. But overall, I was content to relax, to let myself experience things I didn't typically enjoy, because it was a new year, and I was reinventing myself on the hopes that things would continue on an optimistic path.

The following day, I stood outside the airport staring at the sun as Phil unloaded my bags from the car. I had spent a full month in Florida, and when it came time to say goodbye, I was a blubbering mess. Hugging Renee, squeezing her tight around the middle, not wanting to let go, I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks. I hadn't realized it would be so difficult to leave after seeing her again, though I made promises to visit more often; for both her sake and mine. And, as I walked through security and gathered my things to head towards my gate, I looked back one last time, a smile on my face, and waved at my teary-eyed mother.

_**August**_

I had one week until school started, and it was a mad dash to make sure I had the right schedule, the right books, and that my internship with a local editing company was still set. I'd been so busy over the summer between my trip to Florida and the move into my own place, that I had yet to have time for anything academic. In other words, I was utter chaos in the form of a hundred-and-ten-pound girl.

After returning to Washington the first week of July, I spent a couple nights on Angela's couch, because my new landlord mixed up my move-in date, and my apartment was not ready yet. I was frustrated, but grateful to have such great friends.

My new place was smaller, just a studio, but I didn't mind since it was only going to be for the next year, maybe two. Alice helped me decorate, and I willingly let her take the reins, subtly reminding her that it was _my _place and not hers, so she needed to tone it down. She grudgingly agreed, and I was happy with her end result.

It was with her help that I was finally able to sort my busy schedule out, and we got everything in order for the start of the new school year. My _senior _year. It was almost impossible to comprehend that it would be my final year of school, and I would be tossed to the 'real world' after that. But if I had learned anything recently, it was that I could survive just about anything, not only survive, but thrive. My life had become about moving forward, and I was more than excited to begin the next chapter – whatever that may entail.

_**September**_

My birthday was just around the corner, and I would be turning twenty-two. Typically I wasn't much of a drinker, not even in my early college days or when spending time with the guys back in Forks, but Leah felt that it was finally time for me to act my age.

I couldn't argue with her – not that she would've listened if I had.

Apparently the excuses of homework, lack of coordination, and possible bodily harm, were not good enough this time around. It was with that in mind that I found myself in a pair of skin-tight jeans, a flowing, shimmery tank - that reminded me of certain sparkling vampires, and a pair of low-heeled boots; all courtesy of Alice, of course.

I found a the bags of clothes lying on my bed when I returned from classes, and I had called her immediately; both to thank her and to complain that she'd bought me something. Though I made her agree that the outfit counted as my birthday present, I was certain she'd ignore our agreement and buy me something else anyway.

Despite the fact that I'd already been living in Seattle for three years, I knew very little about the nightlife it offered. I spent my first two years driving back to Forks every chance I got, and then the last year trying to mend a broken heart. This would be another first for me, something else I was doing that would require me to step outside my comfort zone. I suddenly felt that I should be making a list: Bella Swan's list of things to do before I died.

The night was … fun, surprisingly enough. Leah and Angela arrived at my place around seven, and we all got ready together for our night on the town. We took turns taking sips from a bottle of champagne that Angela had brought with her in celebration of my birthday – though we both knew I was celebrating a lot more than just turning a year older.

We, and by that, I mean Angela and I, were already buzzed before we left the apartment. Our giggles echoed down the hall on the way to the elevator as Leah just walked behind us and grinned. Damn her and her wolf genes that didn't allow her to get drunk like the rest of us.

The night was spent bar hopping from place to place, enjoying the different atmospheres of each. My favorite event of the night, however, was watching Leah challenge grown men in drinking games, and then taking great pride when they'd cave long before she did. I called her a cheater as she handed me another shot of funny smelling liquor, completely ignoring the fact that her face was blurring in and out of my vision.

I'd crawled into bed that night, after spending a considerable amount of time praying to the porcelain gods as Leah held my hair, promising that I'd never drink again. After seeing Angela the following day, she whole-heartedly agreed.

_**October**_

I went on a date.

An actual date, with flowers, dinner, a movie at the local drive-in, and an awkward, end-of-the-night kiss; like I said – this year was different. He was nice enough, a fellow intern at the editing company I was working at, and a year older than me.

I smiled at his flowers – yellow daisies, and I placed them in a vase before left. We chatted over dinner, and I learned that he'd taken a year off to travel before going to college. I answered questions about myself, although making sure to leave out anything including Quil or the supernatural. During the movie, I even allowed him to hold my hand.

But when he touched me, it didn't tingle, it didn't have that _spark._ His voice was soft, but not like velvet or deep warmth or sensuous. The man was nothing like the men from my past relationships, though all things considered, that was even more a reason of exactly why I should be dating him. It made me question idly as I sat watching the old black and white movie flicker light and dark against the screen in front of us, his hand holding loosely to mine; had the tingles been a bad sign? Perhaps a warning that it was too intense a connection? Those tingles, that spark, gave you a much greater chance of lighting yourself on fire.

I had been with both a vampire and a werewolf, how was any mortal person supposed to compare? I knew the point was to date someone "normal" so that they went with my new, normal life, but it always felt – wrong. And, at the end of the night, when he kissed my lips, I realized that while it may not have been right, it was good enough.

In all, I was proud of myself for taking the leap and going on the date. He was good, he was _normal, _and for once that sounded rather nice. Listening to my heart had brought me pain so many times before. I felt that it was time to let logic lead the way, and logic was telling me to move on and accept what I could not change.

_**December**_

At many points in my life I have been taken by surprise, shocked by the events of the world around me. You'd think that after being around vampires and werewolves, very little would catch me off guard; I had learned to 'go with the flow' as they sometimes say. But nothing, and I mean _nothing, _could've prepared me for the shock I received on Christmas Eve.

Charlie had taken three days off around Christmas, so he could drive up to Seattle a visit me. I had yet to see him since July when he'd visited me briefly one weekend. It was a sad reality, considering I was only a two hour drive away; I was steadily working on my issues with returning home.

I suspected nothing when Charlie called to make the arrangements for a visit, though his tone was off, and he seemed more uncomfortable than usual while speaking to me. I suspected nothing when he begged off my invitation to stay at my apartment, offering for myself to sleep on the couch so he wouldn't have to pay for a hotel room. I also suspected nothing when he requested that he take me out to dinner, as opposed to letting me cook; Charlie loved my home cooked meals.

So, when I arrived fifteen minutes early to dinner, you can imagine my surprise when I found Charlie already waiting for me. And not alone.

There, sitting beside my father, her hand tucked away in his, was none other than Sue Clearwater, Leah's _mother._ I'm certain my jaw dropped as I skidded to a complete halt just inside the door, blocking the exit for the couple trying to squeeze past me. I was certain that if I rubbed my eyes or pinched myself the image would disappear, because Charlie Swan did not date.

He glanced up and caught my stare, his nervous anticipation clearly visible in his expression. I knew he was worried how I would react, so I quickly rearranged my features and smiled in his direction, bringing my hand up to wave before heading towards them. I saw Sue rub her fingers across his knuckles lovingly, and I was struck by the thought of how comfortable they were with one another; this relationship wasn't new.

My thoughts were confirmed as we ate, while Sue – because Charlie was still being an uncomfortable mute – explained that they had been dating for nearly six months, and they felt it was time to share their new relationship with me. Of course, my only thoughts were that if they had been together for six months already, then surely Leah must've already known. I'd be speaking to her as soon as I got home.

Over the next two days, however, any apprehensions I may have had about Charlie and Sue were swept away. I'd seen Leah's mom plenty of times during my visits to La Push, but I'd never actually spent time with her. She was nice, sweet, and quite perfect for my father. But most of all, I could see how much they cared for each other, and I was grateful that they had found one another.

_**February**_

Nothing about this month had ever appealed to me. The candy, the flowers, the over-abundance of red and pink – it was all just unnecessarily stupid. And, yet, I stood in the aisle of over-priced, romantic, sappy crap, and picked out some treats for my favorite two valentines.

I briefly considered grabbing an extra box of conversation hearts for Andrew, my not-boyfriend-but-we've-been-dating-for-four-months, but then I thought of Jacob and the box of hearts he'd given me the first time we'd spent Valentine's Day together.

I sighed, thinking of Andrew, or _Normal _Andrew, as Leah so lovingly referred to him. Although I can't say that didn't make me giggle. Things had remained the same over the past few months, nothing really of note had occurred. He was still a nice guy, he took me out occasionally. We talked on the phone sometimes, and even sent an email or two. I'd see him at the office and could always feel his lingering eyes, but it wasn't creepy, it was sweet.

I tried to weigh exactly how I thought of him, feeling the small box in my hand. It felt too heavy suddenly, my brain immediately answering: _he is not conversation heart weight, it doesn't balance. _I quickly shoved the tiny box back onto the shelf, and vowed that Leah and Angela would forever be my only two valentines. Love and boyfriends were overrated.

_**April**_

Spring Break, it sounds harmless enough. That is, until your non-boyfriend-but-thinks-he's-your-boyfriend, decides to invite you to his parents lake house for the week, and you panic because you're afraid it means you'll finally have to take the next step in your relationship with him. So, instead, I was a coward, hiding in my apartment, claiming that my father had called and requested I come visit.

Poor Andrew, he didn't know that I was still incapable of stepping foot in Forks; not that he ever knew in the first place. Needless to say, our non-relationship-but-really-was-a-relationship was over at that point.

_**May**_

Graduation had snuck up on all of us, the end of year full of last minute papers, forms, and each of us figuring out what we're supposed to be doing with our lives. Angela was busy planning for her wedding in the fall, with my assistance of course. She had shyly asked me to be her maid-of-honor, and I was more than honored to accept the responsibility.

But while she was busy with wedding gowns, invitations, and catering options, I, on the other hand, was busy planning for a month of traveling. Between finals, finishing up my internship, and helping Angela, I had very little time left over to do so. Leah was already upset that I'd be gone for a month once again; apparently my departure last year to Florida had left her bored, and she had to resort to hanging out with the guys more often.

Alice had taken care of my passport, but even though I would rather not accept so much from them, I was still grateful to have one less thing to worry about. She also helped me plan my itinerary, picking out which cities were the best to visit. Sometimes it was helpful knowing someone who had been all over the world.

The entire trip was a graduation gift from my parents and Phil. I requested that I go alone (Renee was convincing herself she should go), but I knew my mother couldn't handle being away from Phil for that long, despite her words. I had some potential jobs lined up for when I would return, and my rent was paid in advance, leaving me nothing to worry about except the freedom of being on my own.

Both Renee and Charlie, partners included, came to Seattle for my graduation ceremony. Leah tagged along with Charlie and Sue, and we joked behind their backs of how weird it'd be to be sisters if our parents were to ever marry.

I smiled proudly as I crossed the stage and received my diploma, feeling proud of myself for all I had accomplished. I could hear Leah and Charlie whistling louder than all the others I the crowd, despite how large a group it was; I knew it was them.

Afterwards, when I found everyone, I noticed my parents' watery eyes, and I hugged each of them, thanking them for being wonderful parents. It wasn't like me to be so outwardly emotional, but I felt as if it were something they needed to hear in that moment.

My flight was set to leave two days later, and I was prepared to take on the world – one city at a time.

_**An: **__For those who haven't already read it or are interested, I posted an outtake from __**Torn**__. If you've ever wondered what Bella said to Jake when she chose Quil over him, then you'll love it. It's called __**Forever Yours**__, and the link is under my profile. I'm also doing an outtake around Feb/Mar that will be a back story to Torn & Fate – it gives A LOT of answers to the story that wouldn't otherwise be told._

_And, finally, I submitted the prologue and first chapter of an AH, E/B, story that I've been working on, titled __**Broken yet Still Breathing**__, to be part of a compilation. The Fandom for Preemies is a wonderful fundraiser, raising money for an even better cause. You can find out more by going to their blog: http:/fandomforpreemies(.)blogspot(.)com. By donating just $5 you get to read my new story, plus submissions from over 100 others._


	17. Going Home, Myself

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Twilight._

_**An: **__To ease your minds, I will tell you that this is the last chapter before Bella returns to Forks. Forgive me for the introduction of Andrew, too. I am not typically one for new characters, but I felt it far-fetched for Bella to move on, and yet never date for three years. He is insignificant, don't worry._

_I will also NOT be writing any chapters in Quil or Jacob's POV for the time that Bella was away, although, I could be persuaded to do so as an outtake per request of a specific scene. Enjoy the chapter, __**Buff82**__ beta'd this as always and worked her magic at making my incoherent, slightly tipsy, mind make sense._

Chapter 16: Year Three: Going Home, Myself

_**July**_

I dug the keys to my door out of my pocket, trying my best not to drop my armful of bags onto the floor. Victory was mine as the tiny, metal key slid into the lock, and I took no hesitation in letting myself inside. My apartment had sat, unlived in, for nearly a month; a stale smell lingered in the air, and I scrunched my nose in disgust. I needed to open a window, quickly.

Dumping my things atop the couch, I walked across the room to the only two windows in my living area, lifting them both, and propping a stick against each frame to keep them open. It may have been the middle of summer, but there was still a cool breeze blowing through the air, and I closed my eyes, breathing it in. _I missed being home, _I thought to myself for what felt like the hundredth time since I'd stepped off the plane.

Europe had been great; the new cultures of each country were a once-in-a-life-time experience. It was the best way to spend the summer after graduation, and I was still grateful for the opportunity my parents (and partially the Cullen's) had given me. Unfortunately, the only thing I missed more than Seattle was Forks, which had been weighing more heavily on my mind as of late.

I sighed and turned from the window, preparing myself for the task of unpacking and playing catch-up on life. I had gotten a job at the small publishing firm I'd interned for last school year, luckily enough, and I had one week before I was needed in their office to start work.

My time of fun and relaxation were over, real life was about to begin.

_**September**_

My mouth hung wide as I watched the limo sidle up to the curb outside of our apartment. It was absolutely huge, though I wasn't quite sure why. It was only going to be me, Angela, Leah, Rachel, and Connie; just the bridesmaids - not the whole guest list.

I told Angela as such and she laughed at me, reminding me that I had been the one to book it. Well, that was entirely true, but I didn't realize it was a stretch, stretch, stretch limo. She shrugged, and I followed the group of girls into the expensive, oversized car, my eyes wide as saucers. Tonight was sure to be unforgettable.

An hour later, I was having a fucking blast. The alcohol I had consumed - I couldn't even tell you what it was, but it was delicious - was running ramped through my body. I was loose, laughing my ass off at Angela dancing on a table, and having the best time I could remember having in the longest time.

The small veil she had been wearing earlier in the evening was hanging haphazardly from her hair, about to fall out as she jostled her body about. I was dancing below her with the other girls, whooping and hollering at her with everyone else. It was even better that I could enjoy the time with two of my closest friends; Angela and Leah had grown close over the last couple years, and I was happy that they got along well enough for Angela to invite Leah to be a part of her wedding.

I grabbed my camera, snapping pictures of everyone. It was likely that half of them would be useless, my half-drunken state affecting my aim of the lens, but I wanted to capture the memories; Angela was getting married, and this was our 'last hurrah'. The pictures would also be great additions to the new collage wall I had slowly been building since my return from Europe. It was the final piece to my healing process.

I still couldn't believe the wedding was happening, and in just two days at that. I knew they had been together forever, but it still seemed like no time at all. What I was mostly surprised at, however, was how happy I was for her. I would have thought this would be painful, watching her do what I would have been doing if …

But I was fine, I was happy; it was still sad to think about, but it wasn't an overwhelming feeling. Those feelings didn't rule my life - they didn't haunt my subconscious any longer. We partied to hearts content, apparently forgetting our vow from my twenty-first birthday to never drink again, and this time I was the one holding back Angela's hair at the end of the night.

Less than forty-eight hours later I was in a pale, yellow dress, my hair curled and pinned perfectly, make-up on, and smiling brightly across from Ben as we both watched Angela appear at the end of the aisle. She was beautiful, and my heart gave a little tug at an absent memory, a tear trickling down my cheek when I saw the expression shared between two lovers.

I wanted to experience that too.

_**November**_

Unlike two years prior, when my dinner plans had ended up in a lonely night, Thanksgiving was a big affair between my friends and me this year. We held it at Ben and Angela's since my studio apartment was less than accommodating. If it had simply been Ben, Angela, Leah, and me, we might have managed it. But Seth had recently been joining Leah on her trips into the city, and I had to admit that I was grateful for the extra connection to Forks; not to mention, he was as close to a little brother that I'd ever get. I imagined that Sue and Charlie were enjoying their first Thanksgiving together, alone.

In addition to Seth, however, I'd also invited Andrew. It turned out that he'd applied for the other available position at my job, and had been hired alongside me. Not that I was surprised, because he was great at his job, brilliant even, but it never once crossed my mind that we'd be working together. Either way, after the first two months of initial awkwardness, we decided to give our "relationship" a second try, hoping for the best. In other words, I gave him a real chance, unlike my half-assed attempt the previous year.

We'd already been back together a month, and things were looking optimistic; I was hopeful that we could have a future, though a small ache in my chest made a part of my mind disagree with the thought. I couldn't deny, however, that it was easy with him, and I was enjoying the simplicity of it all.

The night was filled with laughter, drinks, and fun times. I helped Angela cook, practically taking over her kitchen as the others hung around the living room. Andrew fit in well with my friends, and I smiled, happy that they accepted him as well as they did. Part of my hoped they realized he was good for me, that he relieved stress instead of creating it like my past relationships had.

Leah and Seth fought over the wish bone after dinner, Leah inevitably snapping off the larger portion. Seth pouted as I outwardly laughed at Leah's triumph. I snapped a photo as she held the wish bone fragment above her head, mockingly pointing at her little brother. It was another photo for my wall, another memory to hold onto.

_**March**_

The day had started out as any other, seemingly normal, nothing out of the ordinary.

I woke up at seven, showered, dressed, drove to work and arrived to work by eight. The possibility of a job change was in my near future, but at the moment, I was still saving my money and gaining the experience needed to open my own business – my goal all along.

At noon I had lunch with Alice (she was spending the week in the city, shopping), discussing business strategies, and then arrived home in time to get ready for dinner with Andrew. My mailbox was full, and I juggled my briefcase with one hand, placing the mail between my teeth as I went in search of my keys; something that was also part of my daily routine. I thought nothing of it when I set my things on the kitchen counter, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge.

It had been an exhausting day, and I kicked off my shoes to the side as I twisted off the cap, bringing the cool drink to my lips and drinking greedily. It was then that I froze, gasping, and then choking on my drink as a result. As I sputtered, trying to catch my breath, my eyes remained wide-open in shock, staring down at my countertop.

A letter addressed to me, in a very familiar, scratchy script.

_Jacob._

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach, my breath exiting in a whoosh. My knee buckled, but thankfully I had a bar stool beside me, and I allowed myself to collapse onto it. _Why now?_ Is my only thought, but I quickly disregarded it, another emotion coming to the surface. I was angry - at him for trying to contact me after so much time has passed, and at me for allowing myself to get angry at him in the first place. Whether he was aware or not, I would not give someone who had hurt me so deeply, the satisfaction of getting a reaction from me; instead, I rearranged my features, and made my decision. It took only a moment – I wasn't _that_ Bella Swan anymore; anything he had to say, it no longer mattered. I couldn't bring myself to tear the letter up, but I knew full well I wasn't going to open it either. I took it and placed it inside my briefcase, in a small back pocket, hoping that I'd never come across it again.

I only hoped that Leah hadn't known about the letter – pack mind and all. As it was, we currently, and for the last three years, had had a strict, "don't ask, don't tell" type policy with any subject regarding either Quil or Jacob. I may have healed, but it didn't mean I wasn't completely over the fact that the two people I had trusted most had both lied to me.

Andrew knew something was wrong when he picked me up later that evening, but he thankfully was too kind to ask questions. It was that night that I made a second made decision in my life. I gave into my desires, and I fully allowed myself to be in a real relationship with the one person who had thus far shown themselves to be worthy of my affections.

_**June**_

The last time I'd received an unexpected later, I'd nearly had a panic attack from the utter shock of it. The single sheet of cardstock paper I held in my hands, while I'd been given a clue that it was on its way, hadn't truly sunk in until I'd received it. I'd faced vampires, werewolves, and yet none of those things made me feel quite as nauseated and scared as I did right then. I flipped the thick paper over in my hands, studying it with the utmost scrutiny.

After all my time away, the last three years had been spent finding myself, enjoying a life outside of all things mystical and crazy, for once I got to be normal; Just a normal girl, with normal friends – sans Leah and Alice – who got to lead a normal life. I had dated, worries of being bitten or of having him suddenly turn into a big, furry dog, no longer a concern. In fact, I'd been a steady, magical-free relationship for over eight months. I was happy.

Leah and Alice were the two exceptions to my new life, there was no way I would've made it to where I was without them, and so it would never feel right to cut them out of my life just because of what they were. I owed them both so much. It was Leah's strength that led me away from Forks that day, and her strength that later on helped me move on from all the wrongs in my life. And Alice's cheerful, upbeat attitude that always helped me on a particularly bad day.

I looked down once again at the elegant, printed script written before me, realization that for once I would not be able to escape my past. The wedding invitation for my father and Sue rested shakily in my hands, their ceremony only one month away. It was to take place on First Beach, a place my heart clenched to even think about.

I placed the ornate piece of paper down, evening out my expression, and straightened myself. The kneejerk reaction that had unwittingly seeped into my subconscious to feel that way – to fear what may happen, to falter at the sight of seeing them. I had grown above that. I could not let it grab hold of me again; I couldn't be rendered useless for such an important day of my father's life. I frowned down at the thick paper, running my finger against the embossed flowers curling around the edges of the invitation.

No, I could not allow those old feelings, so long gone, to pull me under. I had worked too hard, come too far in finding myself. For once I felt like I knew who I was, I knew Bella as a person, and not as a girl defined by her circumstances. I was no longer a victim. A surge of determination settled steadily low in my belly, obliterating any nervous butterflies that grazed there, steeling me from the inside out.

It was time to go home.

_**An: **__A short chapter this time, but hopefully just as good. I'll see you next chapter … in Forks!_


	18. Revisiting the Wreckage

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Twilight._

_**An: **__Yes, yes, we're FINALLY here. Bella is back in Forks, so let's see what kind of drama arises, shall we? Oh, and do remember that Bella is unaware WHO Quil's imprint is. She left before he fully explained everything, so she is still under the impression that Quil has fallen for a grown woman._

_**Buff82**__ beta'd this mess. __***BIG ATTN AT THE BOTTOM***_

_I've also posted two new stories on my profile. The first one is titled, __**Broken Yet Still Breathing**__. It's an Edward/Bella, kinda dark, very mature. The second one is a collab with __**GinnMeadows**__, titled __**Traveling Soldier**__. That one has Edward and Emmett in the Army, with sexy uniforms and all. I'd appreciate you giving either one a chance, and as always – review!_

Chapter 17: Revisiting the Wreckage

Rubbing my fingers against my right eye, I focused the best I could on the road in front of me using only my left. It was dark outside, blackness meeting the cool glass of my truck windows. I couldn't stop fidgeting, and was fully aware of the fact - which made it that much worse. I knew I was getting close to home, the one-oh-one giving way to windier roads. There were definite nerves, but try as I might, I couldn't decipher what I was most anxious about.

I hadn't been home in three years; it felt like that long, if not longer. I'd love to say time flew by, but it hadn't, and I'd never felt further away from this place than I did in that moment. It didn't feel like coming home, it felt like visiting a distant relative for the first time in years.

Then there was Charlie, sweet, unassuming Charlie. My Dad was getting married, and I found myself much more emotional about it than I would have thought. My Dad had proven to be an unwavering support for me, I wasn't ignorant to the fact. And seeing Renee more often than I had when I first moved back to Forks had unlocked some harbored feelings toward my parents. Maybe it was because deep down I was an emotional mess, but I refused to acknowledge the landslide that was waiting to bury me when I opened that door. Whatever the reason, I felt a shift, a sentimental sap seeping through.

My Dad deserved all the happiness in the world, and I was so happy he was finding his way there. Maybe it's because I saw too much of myself in my father, and him being alone for so long - and surviving, a strong independent, was somewhat comforting to me. If he could do it - so could I. But watching him and Sue together, it was like looking at a different man entirely, and I could see flashes of what I must have looked like with Quil.

Happy, in love, untouchable.

A shiver slithered down my spine. But I wasn't untouchable, or unbreakable, not by a long shot. Sucking in a deep breath and shaking my mind free of those deeper thoughts, I flipped the radio on, blaring the music. The pain wasn't as cutting as it once was, sometimes I'd venture to say it was wholly gone, but I still maintained sore spots, tender areas where I could feel the ghost of that anguish haunting me. It was a part of me. But if I had learned anything, it was that it had given me strength, and perhaps opened my eyes. I wasn't as naive as I once was.

I glanced at the clock as I reached my father's subdivision; just a series of a few quick turns and I'd be in front of his house. Forty-three seconds later I was idling in the driveway, staring at the yellow glow illuminating the front door.

"Deep breaths, Bella. In … out," I chanted to myself, trying to ebb some of the anxiety that had taken over the minute I passed the _Welcome to Forks_ sign just outside town.

Memories of years ago had washed over me, the last time I had driven past there coming to mind, though my visit then had been under very different circumstances. In fact, I still hadn't convinced myself that coming home was a good idea, but I would endure whatever repercussions the trip could have – for Charlie's sake.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see my family, or even that wanted to avoid Forks – no, that wasn't true, I really wanted to avoid Forks – but it wasn't for the reasons everyone assumed. Seeing the pack, Quil, Jacob, it would be hard, but not impossible. Most of me was embarrassed about the way I had left things, running away the way I had. I had spent the last few years hiding from my own life, creating a new one in hopes that the memories of my old one would fade, or if I was really lucky – disappear.

Sadly, that had not happened, which meant I was left with wandering thoughts that perhaps I was not the only one who had been hurting during my absence from Forks. I didn't want to dwell on those thoughts, however, because they only led to more questions, rather than answers.

When I called my father last month to let him know that I was, indeed, attending his wedding, I think he was in a bit of shock. Part of me felt guilty that he thought I may not attend, seeing as every other reason I'd had to return to Forks had never brought me closer than an hour's drive from the place. He was ecstatic, nonetheless, about my return, and Sue even asked if I'd be a part of the wedding – a bridesmaid alongside Leah.

I'd agreed, of course, because what future-step-daughter doesn't want to please her soon-to-be step-mother? Thankfully, the ceremony was going to be small, just family.

Steeling myself, I stepped out of my truck and cautiously approached the familiar house. I smiled at the swing on the porch, memories of Jake, Quil, and I lounging there on warmer days taking over. My smile dropped. _You can do this Bella._

Something halted me, my hand hovering at the brass knob. I was suddenly struck on whether I should knock or simply walk in. This had been my home for two years before I'd left for college, but I hadn't been back in so long I wasn't sure what to do. I finally decided to just go inside, I knew Charlie was expecting me; I'd called him as I was driving through Port Angeles to let him know when I'd be arriving.

A warmth I couldn't describe overtook me as I walked inside, the familiarity of my surroundings wrapping me in a sense of peace I didn't even know was missing. I audibly sighed in relief, apparently home had been just what I needed.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice called out from the other room.

I smiled as I turned the corner into the living room. "It's me," I said quietly as Charlie stood from his seat and walked over to me. His arms enveloped me in a tight hug, and although the prompting of such an emotional display may have been unusual, I completely understood. I hugged him back and whispered, "I'm home."

~F~

I was nervous, plain and simple. Charlie and Sue's rehearsal dinner consisted of the family going down to the Rez (which was enough to nearly cause a panic attack all by itself), but it turned out Sue owned and ran a restaurant. What was making my knee bounce, my lip worn to the point I tasted blood, and my heart pound out of my chest was my father informing that Billy would be joining us. _Did that mean Jacob was coming to? Was I ready to face him? Would he be alone?_

A million different thoughts and scenarios played out as I allowed my imagination to wander. I knew I'd have to face the pack sooner or later, especially Jacob and Quil. I just preferred the later rather than sooner. Hell, I wasn't sure they even knew I was in town. I'd told Charlie not to announce my return.

Sue, bless her, broke me from a rather horrific scene playing out in my mind of Jacob and Quil telling me that they never wanted to speak to me again as I had to watch them walk away, just as I had done. "So, Charlie tells me you're trying to start your own business?"

I released my lip from between my front teeth, trying not to grimace at the copper taste left on my tongue. Seth had left to get Billy, so I was seated beside Leah and across from Sue and Charlie, attempting in vain to keep up with the conversation.

"I'm _trying,_ but unfortunately it's been difficult to find a building in a location I'd like that's also within my price range," I explained.

I had only been at the publishing firm for just under a year, but I continued to be hopeful I'd eventually open the bookstore and café I'd had my heart set on. Unfortunately, the prospects for locations within my price range were few and far between, so I was just waiting patiently until the perfect opportunity could arise. Alice had been helping me plan out all the financial aspects of my business venture, though I was adamant she didn't help me monetarily, just with her knowledge to make sure I got a good deal.

Sue smiled kindly, but her voice was hesitant, "I know there are a few open buildings in town, maybe you could check there?"

My head shook back and forth vigorously before I realized what I was doing. Her smile fell, and I felt like a Grade-A bitch for making her feel bad. "I'd like to find something in either Seattle or Port Angeles. I like the area I'm living in now, so if I can help it, I'd rather not move again." I hoped my excuse made up for my rude behavior, but I knew it probably didn't.

Leah gave me a small side glare, and that time I did grimace. "Sorry," I whispered so only she would hear. She nodded in understanding, opening her mouth to speak before she was interrupted.

"Look who I found!" Seth shouted enthusiastically, pushing Billy into the small dining area. I waited a few moments, holding my breath, and then sighed in relief when I realized no one else was with them.

"I hear you're marrying this old man. It's not too late to run off with me you know," Billy joked with Sue as he approached our table. My dad laughed as Billy continued pretending to hit on his fiancé. I found myself relaxing already and laughing with the rest of them, thankful that the initial reconnection with my past hadn't been as awful as I had thought it would be. It was difficult to remember that this hadn't been a part of my daily life; it was easy to slip back into the familiarity of being around Billy and my father, even with the new additions of Sue, Seth, and Leah.

_Billy should hate me for leaving, _I thought as I saw him glance in my direction for the first time that night. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes, and I knew from his untold words that I wouldn't escape my week in Forks without speaking to him.

"He doesn't hate you, you know," Leah spoke quietly into my ear.

"He should."

"No one blames you Bella. I keep trying to tell you that."

I shook my head. "They hurt me, but I've come to realize that what I did, leaving the way I did, wasn't any better." It was something I had thought about every day since receiving Jacob's letter in March. The past four months had opened my eyes to everything I had done wrong, not just the things that he had done.

"If they want to blame anyone, they can blame me. I'm the one who told you to pack and then actually drove you outta here," she countered, but I just ignored her and rolled my eyes.

"It's not like I put up a fight," I muttered. Leah huffed, and I knew our argument wasn't over, but she didn't respond. None of what happened was her fault anyhow. She may have been the driver, but I was the willing participant. It would've been awkward to stay, to know that everything I had lived through that summer had been a lie. My only regret was how I handled the situation..

"Bella?" Sue's voice caught my attention, and I snapped out of my thoughts.

Everyone was looking at me expectantly, and I realized they must've asked me a question. But by the look on tense look on Billy's face I wasn't sure I wanted to know what it was.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I asked politely, looking only at Sue.

"I was just asking if Andrew was planning to come to the ceremony?"

_Andrew. _Damn, in all the stress of actually being _in_ Forks, I'd completely forgotten to call him to let him know I'd arrived.

"Um, no, actually," I cleared my throat, suddenly uneasy about discussing my boyfriend in front of those who could let slip to certain _other_ people. "He … has to work, sorry." The words were awkward, and I twisted my napkin in my lap as I spoke.

Sue smiled softly. "That's too bad, it would've been nice to see him again."

Conversation picked up again as Charlie asked Billy about her new fishing pole or some other piece of equipment I cared nothing about, and I was grateful to no longer be the center of attention.

A sharp pain in my side let me know Leah wanted my attention. "Dammit, Leah!" I hissed, rubbing the sore spot on my rib cage.

She shrugged unapologetically. "Is he really working?" She questioned with a raised brow, giving me the side-eye stare down.

My face flushed under her scrutiny, and I cursed her for knowing me so well. Andrew did _not_ have to work, in fact. I hadn't even invited him to join me, nor had I even told him about the wedding at all. It should've been a sign that I had absolutely no desire to bring him to my hometown. I'd take him anywhere, but _here. _

"No."

The rest of the dinner was uneventful, and thankfully no one asked me any more questions about either Andrew or myself in general. Billy even seemed to simply pretend I wasn't present at the table at all.

Leah and Sue were staying the night at Charlie's house, while my father would stay in La Push with Seth at Sue's house. It was their way of keeping with the tradition of not seeing one another before the ceremony. I didn't mind, however, because it meant I got a night with Leah, and I definitely needed her strength if I was going to get through my anxiety about the following day.

I rode with Leah to my house since Charlie had driven me to the restaurant. She blared the music on her radio and chatted idly about the classes she had been taking at the Community College in Port Angeles. Leah may have been a year older than me, but with everything that had happened after high school (becoming a wolf and all) she had a late start getting a degree. It actually wasn't until I convinced her to go that she finally enrolled, and I was proud of her for doing it.

I wondered then if Jake, Quil, and Embry had ever gotten the chance to go to college like they had planned, whether they opened their auto shop. _Was it successful? Were they happy?_

"What are you thinking about so hard over there?" She commented, and I finally realized she had turned down the volume.

"How great you are, _sister_," I grinned at her.

She snorted, "No shit." There was a pause, and I could see her watching me from the corner of her eye. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?" Leah asked cautiously.

I sighed, glancing out the window and deciding how to answer. "That's kind of a loaded question," I finally replied.

"Well, then I suppose I have my answer," she shoots back lightly with a half-hearted chuckle.

"Don't be nervous Bella, just focus on your Dad and Sue. It's their big day right?"

"Yeah, You're right, but it's basically impossible not to have other things on my mind."

"Want me to knock you out until the ceremony starts?" She grins playfully, nudging me with her elbow.

I laugh, contemplating for a moment - being unconscious does have its benefits.

"How about you get me drunk instead?" I offer.

She barked out a laugh, pulling into Charlie's driveway. The gravel pops under the tires, the familiar sound does something to me, soothes me?

"Now that I can handle," she replied with a wink.

Following her inside, I grin as she heads straight for Charlie's less-than impressive liquor cabinet. An old dusty bottle of vodka is all that can be found, and I wasn't even positive I'd ever seen the brand before. We glance at each other and shrug simultaneously. Leah pours some into a cup for each of us.

Tomorrow would have its ups and downs, but I had a support system, I just needed to remember that. I could do it, get through it. Ultimately if I wanted to move forward I'd have to go back at some point - I'd always known that. This is only the start of that.

I smile at my new sister, my new _family_. If I wasn't destined for a man in my life, at the very least I would always have them. The thought was comforting and my smile widens. "Bottoms up!"

_**An: **__We'll see Quil next chapter, don't worry! Read my attn. message below please, it's important._

_I'm running my fundraiser, __**Foxy Fics**__, again! I'm accepting author sign-ups through Feb 15 to donate one-shots that I will be putting into a compilation for anyone who donates to the Michael J. Fox Foundation to receive. For more information, go here: http:/ foxyfics . blogspot . com (just remove the spaces)_

_I'm also taking requests for what my one-shot will be. If you'd like an outtake or something new – I'm open to ideas. _

_And, finally, I'm contributing a piece of writing to the Fans Against Domestic Violence fundraiser. It was be something new – probably a Jacob/Bella one-shot if I can get the plot hacked out. Donations will run the entire month of February, so if you'd like to read what I have, it will be exclusively for this fundraiser. More information can be found here: http:/ fandomagainstdomesticviolence . blogspot . com_


	19. Changes, Indiff, Still so Much the Same

_**Disclaimer: **__SM owns Twilight, but I own the plot, so no stealing please, it's not polite._

_**An: **__So, my wonderful, beautiful, fantastic beta did her magic on this. __**Buff82**__ deserves many thanks for helping everything turn out just right. Oh, and the lovely __**CatieALardin**__, yeah, she makes a kick-awesome pre-reader. Quil's making his appearance, finally, so sit back and enjoy!_

"_When we were only kids _

_And we were the best of friends_

_And we hoped for the best_

_And let go of the rest._

_I heard, heard myself_

_Say things I take back_

_If I could, could retell_

_And make these stories last."_

_Shadows & Regrets - Yellowcard_

Chapter 18: Changes, Indifferent, Still so Much the Same

I made a beeline for the bar not a moment after I entered the reception hall, or community center, rather. The cheap booze Leah had subjected me to the night before was complete shit compared to the tasty liquid I held in my hand. My nerves were eased almost instantly as I threw back the rum and coke, setting the glass down and asking for another.

My thoughts wandered to the events leading up to the situation I found myself in – shaking, heart pounding, and desperate for anything that would bring back the calm I'd felt during the wedding ceremony.

Charlie and Sue had chosen to get married in the one, small church in La Push, which I assumed had more to do with Sue's tribal beliefs than Charlie's non-existent religious ones. The ceremony had been small, as expected, with only our family and Billy in attendance. It was beautiful, the look of adoration on my father's face as he saw Sue walking towards him. I'd never forget it because it was the happiest I'd ever seen him.

I'd even managed to make it through the wedding without much thought of the past. _Is this where we would've been married? Was Quil already married? If he hadn't imprinted, would I now be Mrs. Quil Ateara?_ Those thoughts were pushed aside as quickly as they had come. The day was about Charlie and Sue, nothing else.

But then came the inevitable reception, where nearly all of La Push plus several people from Forks would be. It didn't matter if I'd known for over a month that this moment would come, or that I'd made several pathetic attempts to prepare myself, I was still caught completely off guard.

I made it no further that the front steps when I felt someone watching me. Looking around briefly, it didn't take long before I spotted him, standing off to the side next to a small, blue car. His dark, brown eyes were studying me intently, a stern expression on his face.

My breath left me in a whoosh, unprepared for how much he looked the same, yet so different. His face was still matured well beyond his years, though he would be twenty-one now and therefore nearly the age that he appeared to be. His hair was cropped short, quite a difference from the shoulder-length locks he'd had when I last saw him; my fingers twitched ever so slightly, wanting to touch it, to see if it was still as soft, and I cursed myself for the reaction.

But his eyes … his eyes were what gave away the time that had passed. They were older, wiser, and held so many emotions. He was still Jacob, the same boy that I'd loved, yet not.

My heart was pounding erratically, and I began to feel dizzy; only realizing just then that I held been holding my breath. Unable to hold his stare any longer, I broke away and quickly rushed inside.

Which was how I found myself at the bar, second drink in hand.

"Starting without me?" Leah walked up beside me and motioned at the cup I was holding onto tightly.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I muttered, not bothering to conceal my distress.

Leah sighed, leaning back to rest her elbows on the bar top. "Look, I know it's going to be a rough night for you. I get that. But … just try to relax, okay? You don't have to hash everything out with them tonight, so just enjoy your evening. Maybe dance a little?"

I hung my head, watching the ice cubes in my glass as if I could simply stand there and watch them melt. She was right, heck, she usually always was.

"Okay."

"Just like that?" She questioned, unconvinced.

I looked up at her, straightening my feature and putting a smile on my face. "Yeah, just like that." The steady look she gave me told me she knew I wasn't actually okay, but there would be plenty of time later tonight, when I was home alone, to wallow in my emotions.

Together we found our seats at the large table set aside for the wedding party. The simple fact that there was absolutely no chance of being seated with either Quil or Jake helped to set my mind at ease. The thought then, however, was that I had yet to see Quil, and after my strong reaction to Jake, I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

"Bella!" A tiny voice cried out, a small form slamming into me from the side and wrapping its arms around my waist, hugging tightly. I glanced down to see the top of a dark-haired little girl, surprised by the welcoming I'd received from her. Dark eyes looked up at me, familiar.

"Do you remember me?" Her sweet voice asked.

"Of course she remembers you, Claire," Leah spoke as she set her purse down on the table, and I smiled gratefully at my new sister for supplying me with a name for the little beauty wrapped around me.

She pouted when I didn't respond, but then the name clicked, and I grinned widely. "Claire," I smiled. Her dark curls bounced as she shook her head excitedly. It was hard to believe the child in front of me was the same adorable three-year-old I'd babysat. She'd changed over the last three years, of course, growing taller. Her face had lost some of its baby-like qualities, instead making her look more like the school-aged child she was.

I bent over so that I could talk to her, still smiling. "My, you've gotten big. How old are you now?"

"I'll be six next month," she informed me proudly, holding up the correct number of fingers to emphasize her point. "Mommy says I get to start first grade this year 'cause I'm a big girl now!"

"You are! You've gotten so tall since I've seen you last. You keep growing like this and soon you'll be as big as I am," I told her, watching as her face lit up.

Her eyes were big in wonder. "Really?" I nodded as she reached for my hand. "Bella, will you sit with me?"

I would've loved to tell her yes, and I hated to disappoint the one person who had brightened my day, but I knew Leah would kill me if I left her sitting alone. "I'm sorry sweetie, I have to sit over here," I explained, pointing to the long table beside us where Leah already sat. "But I promise I'll come find you later."

I glanced around, hoping she'd be appeased with my response, and desperately wanting to get to my seat before I ran into anyone else from my past. It was going to be a long night as it was. Unfortunately, luck did not seem to be on my side, because as soon as I lifted my gaze, I locked eyes with the one person I was _definitely_ not ready to see.

Quil stood frozen several feet away from me, an odd look upon his still beautiful face. Unlike Claire, he'd hardly changed during my time away, and a phantom pain ached in my chest. I couldn't decipher his expression, something that reminded me that things had, in fact, changed. His eyes flickered downward and then back up, and what I thought to be a look of pain flashed across his face.

Curious, my eyes followed his previous path, to see Claire still latched onto my hand. She was glancing back and forth between Quil and me, obviously puzzled at our exchange.

"That's my Quil, do you know him?" Claire's voice snapped me out of whatever trance I'd been in. Her question confused me, and I wanted to ask what she meant by her words, but my brain was having difficulty forming the question.

"I used to," I answered instead.

"There you are Claire," Emily interrupted us then, saving me from would inevitably be a breakdown by either myself or the fairly distraught looking man several feet away.

"Aunt Emily, look who I found!" Claire announced happily from beside me, tugging my arm up and down as she jumped.

I smiled at my former friend, and was somewhat surprised when she smiled in return.

"Hello Bella," she replied sweetly, and I was grateful that she didn't seem upset with me. I had, after all, not spoken to her in over three years. At the time I'd left we had formed something of a friendship, and I had missed her during my time away.

"Hi Emily. Claire here was just telling me how grown up she is now," I explained, smiling down at the little girl.

"A lot changes in three years."

I cringed, knowing she was talking more about my absence than the girl standing between us. Perhaps Emily wasn't as unaffected by my actions as I had initially thought. She was still smiling, however, and I tried to tell her with my eyes how sorry I was, hoping she'd understand.

"Emily, I know, I just …" I trailed, not knowing where to even begin.

She held her hand out for Claire to take before speaking to me. "There's so much you don't know." Sighing, she steered Claire towards a table on the other side of the room, sitting down beside a man I recognized as Sam. His strong gaze met mine across the room, and I shivered involuntarily. He looked as stern and scary as he had when I'd first met him. Looking away I saw Quil sitting on the other side of Claire's seat; I hadn't even noticed him move.

Emily's words hung heavy on my mind, so many thoughts and possibilities of what I may not know or understand. I knew I'd probably hurt everyone as much as I'd been hurt, but what could she have meant when she said that.

Dropping into my chair beside Leah, I picked up the glass I'd set down before Claire found me. The ice cubes were already melted and it would probably taste like watered-down shit, but I didn't care.

"What the hell did she say to you?" Leah snapped when I sat down. I shrugged, not feeling like reliving our briefly exchanged words.

"Nothing important."

"Bullshit," she snorted and glared at me.

Ignoring her, I asked a passing waiter to refill my glass, counting down the minutes until I could be safely tucked away in bed. My father and Sue had arrived by then, and the food was being set out for us fill our plates. Leah gave her traditional maid-of-honor speech after Seth gave his as best man.

I joked, I smiled, I danced, never straying far from Leah's side. When Charlie asked me to dance with him, he told me he was happy to have me home. I told him I was happy just to see him, that way I wouldn't be lying, because I still wasn't sure if I was happy about being home.

As the song came to a close, a tap on my shoulder caught me by surprise.

"Can I cut in?" A deep, familiar voice asked politely.

Charlie looked at me, concerned, when I stiffened at the sound of him. His eyes were asking me if I was okay with this, if he should play the protective father or not.

Taking a deep breath I nodded my head just enough to let him know I was okay. The smile on my face was tense at best, but turning around I came face to face with Jacob. Chocolate eyes met mocha ones, and it felt like I was coming home for the first time since I'd been back.

Smiling widely, I placed my hands on either side of his chest as he placed his delicately on my waist. I could feel their warmth through the satin fabric of my dress, his palms covering my hip bones entirely.

His eyes held mine, questions swam there, begging to be asked. "Hi Bells," he finally spoke softly.

"Hey, Jake."

I was surprised at how easy it felt after so long. But then again, it was always like that for us. A pang of regret shook me slightly, that I had begrudged him for so long. I couldn't even feel the anger I once held towards him anymore. I wondered idly when it had truly faded, had I forced myself to hold onto it – to keep myself away? I couldn't be sure.

We didn't speak anymore, just moved slowly with the music though I couldn't have told you what was playing. I could feel another set of eyes on us, and I knew Quil was watching, along with half the people in attendance. I felt as if everyone was waiting for me to breakdown, it was becoming entirely too uncomfortable, the air buzzing with an unknown anticipation.

His fingers flexed ever so slightly, his thumb brushing against my hip, and I inhaled sharply under my breath. It was an unexpected feeling, but my conscious told me it was only too close to the way Quil's hands once felt.

_Too fucking much._

I couldn't take it anymore, I had to leave.

Not saying a word, I quickly pulled my hands away, darting around him as easily as I could without drawing any more attention to myself. I snatched my small clutch off the table and made a hasty exit, craving the fresh air the outdoors could offer me.

My only hope was that Leah had seen me leave.

~F~

I pulled my keys out of my purse when we arrived at the house, walking up the front steps to let us in. Leah had seen me leave, coming out after she'd properly said goodbye to everyone, and then decided to stay at the house with me after all; something about not wanting to leave me alone.

Personally, I thought she just wanted to make sure I wasn't planning anything stupid, like running away to Seattle in the middle of the night. The thought was only somewhat appealing. But I was too exhausted to pack my suitcase.

My hand was halfway to the door when I paused, crooking my head to the side.

Tucked into the doorjamb was an envelope with my name written across the front. Gasping quietly, I pinched my eyes shut as my heartbeat began to quicken. "Why can't this night just be over already," I moaned.

Leah, no doubt curious and irritated at what was keeping me from unlocking the door, shoved me to the side. "Bella, what is your prob –" her words cut off. I knew she'd seen the letter then, and I also knew she'd know who it was from.

"Jackass," she muttered under her breath, but I still heard it. "Want me to take care of it?"

"No, I can handle it," I ground out, steeling myself and ripping the envelope from the door. Quickly shoving the key into the lock, I pushed it open hard enough to bang loudly off the wall, not stopping my mission until I was upstairs and in my room. I didn't even think twice before shutting my bedroom door before Leah could follow me in.

My body was drained, every ounce of energy I'd had gone. A part of me wanted to rip the letter apart, basking in the gratification that I would never read his words. But a larger part of me, the logical and curious part, told me I should open it.

It only took me a second to decide, and soon the ripped envelope was lying on the floor as I gripped a single sheet of paper in my hands, my eyes greedily reading his words.

_Dear Bella,_

_Seeing you again … seeing your smile; it was more than I could hope for._

_You deserve the truth, so please, let me explain. Please forgive me if I'm asking too much, I understand, but know this Bella:_

_I never stopped loving you._

_Love,_

_Quil_

A simple phrase screamed at me from the thin piece of paper I held in my hands. _I never stopped loving you_. I read his words again. And again. Somehow hoping the answer would lie secretly in between the lines, because it couldn't be that simple. How did I keep finding myself here? A splintered person, with an erratic heart. I'd had so much heart ache in my short life, would it always be like that?

Vacant of any emotion, I focused on breathing. It seemed obvious that I should go and see him, grant him his opportunity to explain things. Yet, other than supplying myself with answers, I wasn't certain it would actually be beneficial. Could I really sit a foot from him and listen to him talk about the thing that ruined us? Could I not touch him, not ask him to hold me and take this shadowed pain away? Was I strong enough for that?

Would he tell me who he imprinted on? Would she be there? There was so much uncertainty swirling around the mere thought of sitting in a room with him. I needed to anchor myself before I washed away in it.

I could be sure of one thing - myself. I had to be. Quil and I could not be together, that was another certainty. I had survived, thrived without him for three years. I had found happiness in that time. Truthfully in small things, but happiness nonetheless. There was the strength I needed, buried deep inside me, my passion to keep going forward, no matter what. My dad would have called it being stubborn.

Folding the letter, the crisp paper bending easily between my fingers, I picked the envelope up from the floor and tucked it back inside. Pulling in a deep breath, I placed the letter on my desk, smoothing my hands against my dress. When I opened my door, Leah was standing there, her hand hanging in mid-air, prepared to knock. I smiled softly at her, stepping around her smoothly.

"Where are you going?" She called after me as I descended the stairs.

"To talk to Quil," I replied gently. Keys in hand, I glanced over my shoulder at her, opening the front door. Leah stood in the entry way, a sad smile as she watched me make my way to my car. She didn't follow, didn't try to stop me. She knew it was the right thing to do, which fortified my decision.

A frail tear slipped down my cheek, as I climbed in, pausing with my head just outside the car. "Thanks," I said simply.

She nodded with a wave; nothing more needed to be said. What a difference from three years ago. Then she helped me escape, now she was letting me go and confront it. A ragged breath parted my lips as I backed the car down the driveway. Pulling out into the night, I was off to do what I hadn't been able to before. What I hadn't possessed the strength for. To face my demons in the angel I once loved.

_**An: **__Leave a review and I'll send you a Ch 19 teaser. Sound fair?_


	20. The Truth Shall Set You Free

_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own Twilight, but I do own the plot. No stealing please. It's not polite._

_**An: **__Um, I'm back, sort of. I've got a lot going on right now so updates will not be regular nor will they be guaranteed. I am technically on hiatus, but this chapter's been bouncing around in my head for a couple days, so I wanted to finish it while I had some free time. _

_My fundraiser, __**Foxy Fics**__, was a huge success. For any of you who donated, it is greatly appreciated. Overall we raised just over $4300 in support of Parkinson's Research._

_**Buff82**__ actually helped me start writing this chapter two months ago. Half credit goes to her. __**CatieALardin **__pre-read for me. _

Chapter 19: The Truth Shall Set You Free

Sitting outside his house, car idling, I continued to remind myself that I was doing the right thing. My sudden bout of courage was subsiding, and I was beginning to second guess whether or not I could handle the impending conversation. Quil's large form could be seen standing in the doorway, waiting patiently for me to gather myself. I'm sure I looked like a mad person as I sat in my car, talking to myself. This talk had been a long time coming, and I knew it couldn't be put off any longer.

Removing the key from the ignition, I then stepped out of the car onto shaky legs. They were not cooperating with me, my nerves trying to take over.

"Thanks for coming," Quil greeted me quietly as he let me into the house. I took deep breaths, memories associated with the familiar scent of his house coming back to me.

"Yeah," was my lame response, my mind was too busy processing.

My eyes scanned the room, taking everything in. It looked nearly the same as it had when I'd last been there. It also happened to be the last day I'd been in Forks. A lack of physical change, with the exception of Claire, seemed to be a reoccurring theme between Forks and La Push. It was the feelings surrounding those things that had ultimately changed; feelings towards people, towards this place.

We awkwardly sat opposite of each other on the couch, neither of us speaking at first. I looked over, noting that he'd changed from the dress clothes I'd seen him in at the wedding. He smiled, and I attempted one in return, though I was sure it resembled more of a grimace. His knee was bouncing anxiously, just as I worried my lip to the point it became painful. The comfort that I usually felt was absent. It was not something I was accustomed to, and I hated the feeling.

"So …," I trailed, taking a deep breath and deciding to jump right in. There were things I wanted – needed to know. "Tell me, honestly, how bad was it after I left?" I questioned him, wincing at my own words. I didn't want to hear the answer, but knew I needed to.

He shrugged, his posture was speaking volumes. He looked defeated at memories of the past. It was obviously hard for him even now; it must have been hard for him then.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't –"

"No," he cut me off. "I need to. I owe you that, at least that. I didn't talk then, and it made things that much worse. I won't make that mistake again."

His words sank into me painfully, I wished he had talked to me, let me know then … but I couldn't worry over that.

"It was … bad," he paused, breathing in slowly. "Tension was fucking through the roof. Everybody was mad at me, and I didn't blame them. I deserved every bit." His eyes wandered the floor around us, though I wished he would just look at me. "The pack was pissed at the way I handled things, which looking back now, doesn't take a genius to figure out that I monumentally screwed up. Some of them refused to even talk to me for an entire year," he trailed.

My hand lifted slightly, my reflex was to soothe him, to touch him and console, but that didn't feel right. I had no idea what touching him would do to me. I feared it would break me of all I had gained over the past few years.

My hand fell silently back to my side.

"Why would they shut you out like that? Who wouldn't talk to you – for an entire year?"

He shrugged again, and I could tell he was holding something back. It may have been a while, and we were both different people than we were then, but I could still read him, and he was keeping something from me.

"Just tell me Quil," I said, frustration ebbing at my words.

He flinched, fingers rubbing into his temple. "I don't blame him Bella, I really don't, and it's not that big of a deal – just forget I said anything." For the first time since our conversation began, Quil looked at me, really looked at me, our eyes locking. The sorrow and pain – the unadulterated regret I saw there was haunting.

The pieces clicked then, and I knew there could only be one person he would protect. "It was Jake?" I gasped softly. My heart plummeted to my feet, visions of a young Quil alone on a beach, crying, bombarding my mind.

It had happened all over again, only this time he lost the girl too. During a time when Quil must have been so confused and isolated despite who surrounded him, the two people closest to him vanished, abandoning him without the least regard to his feelings.

My throat felt dry, my body cold, regret not a sufficient word for how I felt. The ache growing in my chest was a stinging reward for my selfish actions.

"Quil," I barely whispered. He looked concerned, sensing my shift in demeanor.

My hand moved, and this time I allowed it. Reaching out, I grazed his cheek, a tear slipping silently down mine. The contact was warm, but the currents were minimal. It felt so good to have his skin beneath my touch.

"Oh, Quil," a rushing sob escaped my throat, more tears. "I am so sorry. So very sorry," I murmured through cries.

"Bella," his hand covered mine, concern lighting his eyes. "Why are _you_ sorry? You should never be."

"But you were all alone in this, and I was the one who left. We should have just talked. I'm so sorry."

His hands cupped my face gently, forcing my eyes to his. Through blurred vision I could barely make out the tears streaming down his own cheeks.

"My Bella … you're always thinking about everyone else but yourself," he hummed softly.

I shook my head between his hands, he was so very wrong. I had been the definition of selfish. Moisture filled my eyes still, the soft cries that left my chest were uncontrollable.

"Shhh, Bella, shhh."

Quil pulled me to him, his cheek pressing to mine, our tears mingling. Years of pain, emotion that wrought us both – tortured us, no matter how much we denied or ignored or covered up, were relinquished in those tears.

His skin was soft against mine. My hand wrapped around his back, and I hugged him to me tightly. "I have missed you so much," I muttered softly.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, his lips against my skin.

Slowly, he placed a gentle kiss against a trailing tear. And another, and another.

My lips found his like a magnetic pull, and it felt right, like we both needed this. Our lips collided gently, intertwining with salty tears. It wasn't passionate, but wanted. The warmth was rewarding and welcoming, but it didn't light me on fire the way I would have thought.

It was sweet and relieving.

It had been so long, three years was a lifetime for suffering to smolder so. I knew I harbored no ill feelings toward Quil, but I had somewhat assumed my love for him, my feelings, had subsided.

The fact that I had survived and that I could go on without him had been a sign to me that I no longer loved him.

Not like I once had.

But as I sat in front of this man, once a boy I had loved with all my heart, I knew that wasn't the case at all. I loved him ever still, perhaps more than I thought I ever did. But the feeling was different. It wasn't an all-consuming love of passion and need.

I felt connected to him, because he was a part of me, of how I'd grown – who I'd grown into. We were shaped by our experiences and those around us, and Quil had played a big part in my life. We'd molded one another in some respects.

I loved his soul, I loved his spirit. I always would.

Pulling away, I smiled through my tears. "I think we both needed that," Quil said softly, and I could see my feelings reflected in his eyes. We did both need that, there was finally a feeling of closure between us.

In that one kiss I knew my feelings for Quil weren't the same as they were before, yet they were somehow stronger. We would love each other unconditionally forever, but we would never be more than friends. I would never _not_ want this man in my life, but I would survive without him, and if he was happy, then I would be at peace.

There was only one thing left to ask.

"Who is she?" My voice was soft, timid, just barely a whisper. With his werewolf hearing, however, I knew he heard me.

I heard his sharp intake of breath as I held mine. This was the one question I'd wanted to avoid. Ignorance meant it was easier not to think about; the situation was less real without a name, but I had to know.

"Are you sure you want to know?" He asked cautiously, one large hand scratching the back of his head as his eyes darted everywhere but me.

"I'm sure."

"It's just that … it's going to sound … weird. Just promise you'll let me finish explaining, please, before you say anything," he pleaded.

The desperation in his voice surprised me, so I nodded quietly. I could give him this.

"Remember the bonfire? The one after my graduation?" He began. I nodded again, knowing it was not the time to speak aloud. "I was supposed to propose to you that day."

My eyes widened, and I swallowed back the emotional lump in my throat at his admission. Many things began to click into place – my father's reaction to him the following day, Jacob's attitude at the bonfire. My mouth felt dry, my words hoarse, but I needed confirmation. "My dad, Jacob, they knew?"

"Yes, so did Billy and the guys." He stood then, pacing back and forth in the small area in front of the couch. "Everything was perfect. I had been planning it for months, but then it just …" His hands ripped at his hair in frustration, and I hated that this seemed to be so difficult for him. I didn't dare interrupt though, this needed to be said.

Dark eyes found mine, staring at me with their depths. "It happened when you pulled up. I saw you, and I was _so_ happy Bella, so happy." I believed him. "And then I saw her, and everything … it just, it wasn't the same. It wasn't like with the others, I didn't forget my feelings for you. In fact, I think that's what made it worse, knowing I loved you and yet knowing that because of the imprint I couldn't keep you."

I reached up to wipe away the tears that were falling loosely down my cheeks. It hurt hearing the events unfold from his point of view, not only because it was the day my life was forever changed, but because his was too and neither of us had had any choice in the matter.

"I tried to fight it you know," he spoke much softer now, retaking his seat beside me. "I told myself that I could break it, that I would be the first. I even went to the Elders about it, but they told me it was impossible. She began to weave her way into my mind without any conscious effort. The pull you hear about, it's true. I couldn't stay away." His voice broke, his own emotions becoming too much.

"Quil -," he cut me off.

"It's Claire," he whispered hoarsely.

"Her name's Claire?" I asked for verification.

He nodded minutely, looking directly at me as he spoke his next words. "Emily's niece, Claire."

The air left my lungs in a whoosh. "What? That's, that's … how is that …" I couldn't form the words to complete a sentence. My thoughts were jumping all over the place, many of them not making much sense at all.

"I don't think of her romantically, I swear, if that's what you're thinking," he blurted quickly. I eased just slightly, because that was one thought that had crossed my mind, if only briefly. "It's more like a big brother relationship. I look out for her. I want to protect her, you know?"

"Yeah," I said, even though I really didn't know. As selfish as it was, I was more focused on the fact I'd lost the love of my life to a toddler. Even if my feelings had changed, the knowledge didn't make it hurt any less. It was almost worse knowing the truth than imaging another woman, perhaps my age, taking him away from me.

"I think I should go," I announced suddenly, quickly standing up from the couch.

Quil jumped up, alarmed at my hasty departure. "You don't have to. I mean, are you okay? Did I freak you out? We can talk some more, I don't mind."

One hand on the front door, I turned back to face him. "I need some time to process this. I'll call you."

Xxx

"How'd it go?" Leah asked without looking up from the magazine she was reading. She was sitting on the couch in the living room. The fact she'd been waiting for me to return was obvious, and I had to wonder if she was even reading the article in front of her.

Setting my things down on the entryway table, I made my way over to my father's favorite chair, collapsing in it immediately. I ignored her question, my mind and body still numb with the new information I'd just acquired.

"You don't fucking want to know," I mumbled and then watched as Leah tossed the article she was reading onto the coffee table, turning to look at me instead.

"That great?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at her pointedly. "Did you know?"

"Did I know Quil was our own, personal, wolfy pervert? Yes."

"He told me it's not like that," I argued.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "It's not. But what's the fun in imprinting on a kid less than a quarter your age if the rest of us can't joke about it?"

I snorted, thinking about how much trouble Leah and the guys must've given Quil when they found out. A thought occurred to me then. "How come no one else told me? I know you're all pack mates and all, but I thought that _someone_ would have said something."

"No one knew. Well, except Sam that is. Quil was somehow able to block his thoughts, and Sam rarely put him on patrol with anyone other than himself."

"What about Jacob? He knew. I know he did."

Leah shook her head. "No, he found out the same day you did. Nearly ripped his throat out for it too."

"Oh my God …. No, no, no, no …" I buried my face in my hands, the weight of her words weighing heavily.

"What?"

Looking up, I met Leah's questioning gaze, the reality of my past actions threatening to suffocate me.

"I fucked up."


	21. Foundations for Reconciliation

_**Disclaimer: **__SM owns Twilight, I do not. I do, however, own this plotline so please don't steal, it's not very nice._

_**An: **__*Ducks and covers* Please don't throw anything at me for disappearing on you all. I'm trying desperately to get back into writing and the fandom. I am out of school until late August, having survived spring semester, and I am anxious to finish this story. I'll also be having surgery in a couple weeks (nothing major), which means bed rest, which also means lots of time to write. Let's hope the plot bunnies come visit me during that time. Also, if you're interested, I did post a one-shot from a fundraiser I did onto my profile. It's cute, Bella/Jacob, AH._

_This is unbeta'd, read at your own risk! The lovely __**CatieALardin **__did pre-read for me though. _

Chapter 20: Foundations for Reconciliation

"I fucked up."

Leah eyed me curiously. "What exactly does 'I fucked up' mean?"

She'd been asking me similar questions for the better part of the last ten minutes, but I merely tightened my grip on my hair as I repeated those same three words. There was no doubt I looked crazed at the moment – my hair a mess, my eyes wild, and pacing around the kitchen as I muttered to myself.

I'm sure I was quite the sight.

I'd accused Jacob of betraying me. Without listening to his explanations I had falsely placed the blame on him. _And I'd lost everything because of it._

It had been a long, emotional day, and I knew I was barely hanging on by a thread. Everything I'd learned, in such a short time, was giving me a headache.

Reality began to sink in and three new words replaced my previous ones. "He didn't know … he didn't know …" My mind wandered to earlier in the evening, the memory of dark eyes holding me captive and strong hands grasping my waist as I'd danced with him. He hadn't seemed upset, not that I could tell, but I knew now that he had every reason to be.

Hot hands grabbed me by the shoulders as I spun on my heel to continue my wearing path along the kitchen floor. The sudden stop in my movements made me trip over my feet, but her hands held me steady. Leah leaned down until we were face to face, making sure I gave her complete eye contact.

"Bella, you can either snap out of it and talk to me, or I will not hesitate to slap some sense into you. Do you understand me?" Her words made me smile. They were so Leah, and I had no doubt she would actually hit me if she thought it would help.

Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself as best as possible. "So he really didn't know?" I questioned. Leah shook her head. "And he really didn't speak to Quil for an entire year?" Again, she confirmed my question.

Tears pricked my eyes, but they did not fall. "It's all my fault, isn't it?" She scowled, not liking my self-imposed blame. I huffed, elaborating my question. "It's my fault that Jacob and I are no longer friends because I'm a stubborn ass who didn't want to hear the truth?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "When you put it that way, then yes."

I wanted to grab my hair again and scream in frustration, but I knew Leah would be having none of it.

"Listen Sis, what's done is done. There's no going back, no changing it, so all you can do is move forward. It may sound cliché, but it is what it is."

Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but smile – if only slightly. "You're absolutely right."

"It's about damn time you realized that." Leah smiled cheekily. She released her hold on my arms, and I excused myself to change into pajamas. I was more than ready to get out of the bridesmaid dress Sue had talked me into wearing. I hadn't bothered to change when I'd left to meet Quil.

My phone vibrated from the nightstand beside the bed, alerting me that I had a new text message, just as I finished pulling my t-shirt over my head. Picking up the phone and turning the screen on I noticed that I had also missed two calls; all from the same person.

_Haven't heard from you, hope all is okay. Miss you. Love you._

_-Andrew_

Ignoring his sentiments, I felt guilty as I realized that I had yet to call or message him since arriving. My own emotional roller coaster was no excuse for making him worry. I may not have loved him, but he was a nice guy and I knew I should at least try to be the girlfriend he deserved.

_So sorry, I've been busy. All is good, I'll call you tomorrow. Miss you too._

_-Bella_

It wasn't the first time Andrew had told me he loved me. In fact, he told me often, but I had yet to say it back. He said he understood, but part of me wondered for how much longer he'd continue to "understand."

On my way back into the living room I grabbed Leah and I a couple drinks. I was exhausted to the point of passing out, but I knew she would want details about my conversation with Quil. I gave a complete play by play, as requested, including the steamy kiss to which Leah whistled loudly at, despite my reassurance that it was nothing more than closure.

I knew I should have felt a bit guilty for kissing him while I was with Andrew, but I couldn't bring myself to feel that way. Kissing Quil had been natural, something I now knew was needed for me to finally move on from any lingering feelings I may have had. I may not have gotten all the answers I needed or wanted, but I felt that my conversation with Quil had been a foundation to rebuilding our friendship.

Also, the more I spoke and relayed the information I'd learned about Quil and Claire, the more I think I began to accept it. The entire situation was still weird as could be, but it made sense. Or rather, in only a way that vampires and werewolves actually existing could make sense.

It wasn't long, however, before my voice began to drift off, my eyes sliding closed. Memories from the day began to fade, and I welcomed the much needed sleep.

The following morning I found myself still on the couch, much in the same position I had been the night before. Leah was sprawled out across the recliner, mouth hanging open and snoring in a very un-ladylike manner.

I snorted at the sight of her, edging off the couch as quietly as possible to sneak up to my room and retrieve my camera. This was a sight that had to be captured.

Stifling my laughter by biting my tongue I quickly snapped a photo before Leah could wake and catch me in the act.

"You bitch," her groggy voice muttered as soon as the flash went off. I couldn't contain myself any longer and I laughed loudly at her, then blew her a kiss and smirked.

"I learned from the best."

She rolled her eyes. "Touché."

Leah left shortly after waking to take a shower at her own house and also check in with the pack. I had the place to myself since Charlie and Sue had opted to stay at a hotel in Port Angeles for the next couple of days as their version of a honeymoon.

It would be a few hours before Leah would return, and I hadn't made plans with anyone else_, _so I decided to clean up around the house. I knew that unless Sue had taken it upon herself at some point, the place probably hadn't had a thorough cleaning in years.

I went up to Charlie's room to gather his laundry, starting a load before going around to pick up the dishes and drinks left behind by Leah and I the last two nights. As I maneuvered through the house I began to notice the feminine touches left behind by Sue's presence in my dad's life, things I hadn't noticed when I first arrived.

Flowers sat in the middle of the kitchen table, decorative coasters were stacked atop the coffee table. The most notable difference had been the floral comforter laid out on Charlie's bed, something that immediately caught my eye when I'd gone to his room to retrieve his dirty clothes.

Overall, however, everything was nearly the same as when I had left. The same pictures sat above the mantle, a new one of Charlie and Sue added between them. The fridge still consisted of fish and beer, and I smiled cheekily at the familiarity of it. It also made me think that my dad was eating over at Sue's house more than he was at home.

An extra toothbrush in the lone bathroom upstairs was the only other indication that something had changed. It was both heartwarming and sad to see the changes, or lack thereof in some cases, in my absence. It made me miss home even more.

I was elbow deep in scrubbing down the bathroom when I could hear my phone ringing from the other room. _It's probably Andrew, _I thought to myself as I removed the rubber gloves from my hands and ran to grab the thing before the caller was sent to my voicemail.

The unknown number flashing across the screen took me by surprise, though I recognized the area code as La Push. _Who would be calling me? _As far as I knew Leah and Seth were the only two who had my number.

"Hello?" I answered tentatively, pressing the phone to my ear.

Silence.

"Hello?" I asked again, my heart picking up speed as my curiosity began to get the best of me.

A throat cleared and then a nervous voice spoke. "Sorry, um, Bella?"

I wasn't sure whether I was shocked, elated, or confused by the person on the other end of the line.

My brows puckered as I settled on confused. "Quil? How'd you get my number?"

"Should I not have called you?" He sounded worried, like I was going to be angry with him for calling me. But he began speaking again before I could answer him. "Leah gave me your number, she said it would be okay to call?" It ended up sounding more like a question than a statement.

"No, I mean, yes – it's fine. I was just surprised is all," I assured him, though glaring at the wall and wishing it were Leah for not asking me first if this was okay.

He let out a sigh in what I could only assume was relief. "Ok, good. Listen, I know I left you with a lot of information to take in last night, and I don't want to pressure you or anything, but I was kind of hoping to see you again," he streamed out in a rush.

I couldn't help it, I laughed.

"How long have you been practicing that in your head?"

His deep laughter next to my ear made my chest twinge. I missed his laugh.

"Pretty much since the moment you left last night."

Chewing on my lip I contemplated the idea of seeing him so soon after our conversation, our _kiss_, but in the end, the decision wasn't really up to me. My heart was telling my mouth the words before my mind could argue.

"I'd love to see you again."

"Really?" Came his excited voice and I couldn't help but smile. "Ok, good. How about tonight?"

Leah wouldn't mind if a bailed on her … "Sure."

"Great, I'll pick you up at six."

"See you then."

I clicked to end the call, smiling softly to myself, when it immediately began to ring again.

_Andrew._

The guilt returned when I pressed the side button to silence the shrill sound and then gently returned the phone to the stand beside my bed. I knew if I answered it now he'd ask about my plans for the day and I didn't want to have to lie. There was no way I could tell him I was meeting Quil – he knew enough to know the significance in that.

I still had several hours before Quil would arrive to pick me up, so there was no rush as I continued cleaning. The tasks I chose to keep myself busy kept me from worrying myself over what the evening may have in store.

Eventually I sent Leah a text to tell her of the change in plans, though after pressing send I noticed a message she had sent earlier in the day telling me she would be busy with the pack all evening. I rolled my eyes, _why am I not surprised?_

It wasn't until a quarter to five that I finally began to get ready. I was sweaty from my day of work, so I knew a shower would be a must. The familiarity of preparing for a night out with Quil while staying in my father's house began to settle in, bringing with it a bought of nervous butterflies.

I may have had my closure, but it didn't make the feelings I'd had for Quil disappear altogether. That was something that would edge away in time.

By the time the doorbell rang I'd already picked up and set down my phone five different times in an internal debate on whether I should cancel. In the end, however, I knew I should go. I also knew I _wanted _to go.

Quil looked as nervous as I felt once I opened the door. It made me feel slightly better knowing we were both in this together.

He smiled gently. "You look nice."

The blush I'd never been able to get rid of warmed my cheeks. "Thanks."

I'd settled on dark wash jeans and a green cotton t-shirt with my converse. It was a throwback to my favorite high school wardrobe choice, but some styles never die.

He held my door for me to get in the car, just as he'd done many times before when we'd gone out together. Nostalgia settled over me again, my feelings a jumbled mess.

"I thought we could get something to eat first, talk a bit more." He glanced over at me as he began backing out of the driveway. "If you want to that is."

"That sounds perfect. Just … can we avoid Sue's diner? I don't want a bunch of eavesdroppers if you know what I mean."

Quil laughed and nodded.

Instead he drove to the Fork's diner and we took our seats in a booth furthest away from the other customers, giving us a small sense of privacy. A waitress immediately came by to take our order. Neither of us needed to look over the menu since we'd both been to that particular diner many times before.

It was slightly awkward to be in a public setting with my ex-boyfriend for the first time in years, especially knowing all that I did now. If not for imprinting, we would be engaged, maybe married. If I allowed myself to dwell on all the possibilities of what could've been I'd drive myself mad, but it didn't help the thoughts from entering my mind unwantedly.

"How –"

"What –"

We both started at the same time.

"You go first," I offered with a smile.

Clearing his throat, Quil began again. "I just wanted to know what you've been doing with your life since you … since you left," he finished awkwardly.

"What all would you like to know?" I questioned cautiously.

He smiled. "Everything."

So I told him. I began with my move to Seattle, my first apartment, my friendship with Angela. I told him how much Leah helped me transition into being on my own in a new city. At first I wasn't sure if I should tell him just how much she had been involved, but in the end I decided that the truth would come out eventually anyway.

I also wasn't sure what he might already know – what Leah or Seth might've let slip over the years, but his attentiveness to what I was saying made me think that he knew very little. He'd ask questions on occasion but never interrupted. Overall it was easier than I expected to tell him about my other life – the life I had after him.

Not long after I started in about my summer travels abroad, our food arrived.

When I paused to take a bite of food I noticed Quil had yet to touch his dinner, something I didn't think was possible with any wolf. He was staring at me with the strangest look upon his face, and I worried that perhaps I had spilled sauce on my chin.

I lifted the napkin from my lap and wiped at my mouth. "What?"

He shook his head.

"Nothing, it's just …" he trailed, and I cocked my head to the side, raising a brow in question.

A strained smile met me in response. "You've had this amazing life since you left. I remember wondering once if I would hold you back from life, and it seems I was right."

I placed my hand atop his resting on the table, not even noting the fact that touching him no longer made my skin tingle.

"Not all of it was amazing Quil. There was pain, a lot of pain, and I don't regret the decision I made to leave. But, I know for a fact, had things been different and I stayed, I never would've felt as if you were holding me back.

"Though I guess everything that happens has a reason, right? We weren't meant to be, but because of that I was able to explore and grow as a person in a completely different way."

There was a flicker of sadness in his eyes as I spoke, but it disappeared almost as quickly as it had shown.

"You're right. Everything happens for a reason."

Quil shoved a handful of fries into his mouth, and I knew the sentimental part of the conversation was over. The remainder of our dinner was spent with tales of my work and college.

It seemed that every time I asked Quil a personal question about himself or the pack, he'd evade and ask me a question instead. I realized what he was doing, but I decided not to call him out on it … yet.

When we were finished and had paid the bill – I insisted I pay my own half, which Quil adamantly refused, of course – we both climbed back into Quil's truck.

Instead of turning right to head back towards Charlie's house, however, he turned left.

"We're going to La Push?" I questioned as soon as he made the turn. It was the only thing I knew of in that direction.

He nodded mutely, looking more nervous than when he'd been on my doorstep if it were possible. Minutes later he pulled into the parking lot for First Beach, and I thought my heart may pound out of my chest when I saw from afar the flames licking across the sand – the sign that a bonfire had been started.

"Quil …" I started in a panicked voice. An evening with the pack was not something I was ready for. "… Please tell me that is not what I think it is."

The guilty look on his face told me everything.

"Bella, please …"

I'm not sure if it was the look on his face or the pleading sound of his voice, but I knew I wouldn't be able to say no, no matter how much I wanted to.

Instead of protesting I took a deep, much need breath, and stared through the windshield and out towards the crashing waves of the summer evening.

"Here goes nothing."


	22. A Pack Divided

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Twilight or any of its characters._

_**An: **__I know I said I'd have more time to write, but as well all know, things just don't work out the way we'd like them to. It's been a rough several months, and to be honest I wasn't sure I'd return to the fandom. My health hasn't been that great since July, and I'm just now getting back to normal (and greatly hoping I stay better). However, after giving it much thought I've decided I still very much want to finish writing this story. I promised I would, and I really don't want to break that promise .I can't guarantee when updates will come, but I appreciate your patience greatly, especially those of you who have stuck around since the beginning. If you follow me on Twitter you may have noticed my account is no longer active. You can find me under__** Mrs_Bite_Me**__ instead._

_This is unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine. Forgive me._

Chapter 21: A Pack Divided

My entire body was shaking like a leaf on a windy day. It didn't matter that I'd seen everyone at the wedding just yesterday. I'd had my buzz of alcohol then and the distractions of playing the role of bridesmaid. This was something else entirely. I would be seeing my old friends, the entire Pack, in a more personal setting. Bonfires were our way of kicking back and relaxing, and I'd been invited ever since Jake and I first became friends, all those years ago.

Once I moved to Seattle I accepted that I'd probably never attend another bonfire on First Beach. Therefore, to know I was about to take part in the continued tradition once again was equal parts nostalgic and overwhelming. I may have known these people for years, but I hadn't seen them in so long. I felt like I no longer belonged in their group. I was no longer Jake's friend, no longer Quil's girlfriend; instead I was the ex-girlfriend, the ex-friend, who abandoned them all.

Quil's warm hand slipped into mine as we stepped onto the sand. His warm skin had its usual calming effect and the shaking subsided, if only slightly.

"Don't worry Bells, they won't bite," he joked with a wink.

His attempt to ease the tension building inside me worked little as I gave him a strained smile and gripped his hand harder. My shoes sunk into the soft sand with every step we took. I could feel some of the fine grains slip inside and rub uncomfortably against my sock, but I ignored it.

My mind was entirely focused on the space ahead of me.

It worried me that I was already relying on Quil for strength, so soon after reuniting. We'd cleared the air between us, or so I felt, and I could feel the familiarity and ease of our former friendship breaking through the cracks. Even before we started dating Quil had understood me, just as he understood me now.

He knew I was nervous, and he was allowing me to lean on him, emotionally, for the support I needed to face the others.

Pausing my steps, I tugged on Quil's hand to get his attention. "I don't think I can do this."

I breathed heavily through my nose, trying not to panic. Quil looked me straight on, his eyes held me steady. "Yes, you can."

His hand squeezed mine, letting me know he wasn't planning to let go. I nodded my head. "Okay."

I needed to do this if I was ever going to rebuild a friendship with anyone else from my past. And after reconciling with Quil, I no longer had a reason not to, but there was only one person I wanted to speak to right then.

Jake needed to hear my apologies first, before anyone else did.

The only problem was I would a hell of a lot more courage for that particular conversation. A quick scan of the area showed little indication that he was present at the party yet, so I hoped I'd have ample time to figure out what I wanted to say.

I was barely within range of the raging bonfire when Leah approached me. "It's about time you got your ass down here. I was starting to worry you'd try to make a run for it." She immediately placed a beer in my free hand, and I smiled gratefully. A little liquid courage definitely couldn't hurt the situation.

"But don't worry Sis, I would've chased you down and dragged your scrawny ass back here," she laughed, pulling in a long swig of her own beer before winking at me.

Taking a sip of the cool liquid she'd given me I smirked, relaxing just slightly. "No, you would've sent Seth because you're too damn lazy to get me yourself."

"Touché."

The friendly banter was Leah's way of making me comfortable because she knew me well. I thanked her with my eyes and she nodded in understanding. Her eyes then trailed to where Quil's hand was still wrapped snuggly around mine, and she glared for a fraction of a second. It was there and gone so quickly I almost questioned I'd seen the puckering of her brows at all.

"Hey Quil, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Leah appeared sociable on the outside, but anyone who knew her personally could see she's on edge, and I couldn't fathom why. _Was it because Quil and I were holding hands? Is she worried about me? _

I reminded myself to talk with her later.

Quil didn't look pleased, but he apologized to me before following Leah to an area outside the circle of the bonfire. I was essentially on my own then.

I had yet to address anyone else in the pack, though my skin prickled at the back of my neck. I could feel their eyes on me, watching me as if waiting to see if I'd make the first move.

Someone walked up behind me and placed their hand lightly on my lower back. "You can sit by me." Seth's warm voice spoke before I could freeze up and potentially freak out. He guided me to a nearby log that acted as our seats for the evening.

I took the opportunity to look around and see who all had shown up. To my not-so-surprise the area was crowded. Kim, Jared, Paul, and a younger boy I didn't recognize sat side by side on a separate log. The guys each smiled in greeting; though for the two I'd known for years the small gesture was visibly strained.

Kim, on the other hand, stood from her spot beside Jared and approached me timidly. I decided to ease her mind, and I quickly reached out to embrace her.

Kim and I had something of a friendship before I'd left, just as I'd had with all the other wolf-girls, and I'd missed her just as much as the others.

"It's so nice to see you," she whispered into my ear, not releasing me just yet.

A tension I hadn't realized I'd been holding on to was put at ease with her words, and my body physically relaxed. "I'm glad I came back."

Two sets of footsteps can be heard approaching, and the atmosphere shifts. It is no longer filled with trepidation or warm feelings, but instead it feels like I've been doused with a bucket full of ice. When I pull back from Kim I can see what has caused the change.

To the right of the bonfire stand Rachel and Embry, their expressions bordering on hostile. The matching looks of hatred cause me to recoil. Seth's hand reached out and held onto my arm in support, and he's stared them down just as fiercely.

This was more the greeting I had expected when Quil brought me to the beach. I expected to be hated, but I did not want to cause any more of a rift within the pack.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked, but her voice was cold, accusing.

"I brought her," Quil spoke up as he neared me. His conversation with Leah must have been over because she was trailing behind him, eyes still stern but this time they were focused on someone other than my ex-boyfriend.

Rachel's attitude made me think she knew exactly what I'd done to her brother. I'd left him and said things I could never take back, though I desperately wanted to now that I knew the truth.

It hurt that she was angry with me, but I knew I deserved it so I'd take whatever she wanted to say to me without argument. It hurt even more that Embry seemed to agree with her too. His face told me how much he resented my presence.

The expression didn't fit well with the carefree, joking image I have stored in my memories. He was Jake and Quil's best friend, and therefore we'd spent a lot of time together over the years. I hated the way he looked at me now.

"I can leave," I offer instead.

My right foot begins to step backwards, as if ready to retreat at the word "go."

I'd wanted to avoid confrontation, not create it, and I wonder if I was right in thinking that it was much too soon to attempt to fix all that I did wrong.

"Of course you will. That's what you do best," Embry sneered.

I couldn't help but flinch in response, but I remained silent nonetheless.

There was a shout, footsteps, and a crack all at once. It happened faster than I could follow, but once my eyes caught up to the fast movements of the wolves I realized that I had heard Leah push out of what I assume was Paul's grasp before running full-on into Embry, slamming his body to the ground.

"Asshole!" She screams, still trying to hit every part of him she could find.

My eyes were as wide as saucers, though more surprised that they hadn't phased than I was about Leah attacking him. Her temper hadn't improved any over the years, that much I knew.

Embry was trying desperately to get leverage enough to kick her off of him. He held no restraint about the fact Leah was a girl. "Get the fuck off of me!"

It took only a matter of minutes before the others reacted and began to pull the two wolves apart. Leah was still fuming and Embry looked downright pissed. Rachel, on the other hand, still looked at me as if I were to blame for it all.

Which, in reality, I guess I was.

My stepsister shook off the hands holding her back as she calmed herself. "Bella's family, you have a problem with her, you can take it up with me," she spits out. Seth look like he was about to add to her rant, but I shook my head at him. I didn't need two family members fighting my battles for me.

_Family. _I was a part of their family, the pack's family, if only through marriage. The realization was welcoming, but I needed to stop Leah before she damaged the situation further.

"Leah, please …"

At that point I'd beg if it meant that everyone would stop fighting. I couldn't believe that my presence alone had caused such a massive clusterfuck of events. It was only then, looking at the faces around me, that I realized Jake was still missing, and I thanked God he hadn't been witness to yet another of my mistakes.

Sam and Emily were also missing but that was the least of my concerns. I'd try to remember to ask Leah or Seth later about their absence.

As much as I didn't want it to happen, traitorous tears welled up and fell in big, fat drops down my cheeks. _This was such a bad idea … _"I'm sorry." The two simple words don't do my actions justice but they are all I have. I heard a snort and a scoff in response to my words, but otherwise I am ignored. Kim looked at me with pity, and I felt bad that she was caught in the middle.

We may have been friends once, but her mate was a member of the pack, and she held no loyalties to me.

I turned to Leah, "I'll meet you back at the house later, okay?" Quil reached out to wrap his arm around my shoulders.

"I'll drive you home."

I froze. The voice was not the one I was expecting to hear. This one was much deeper than Quil's boyish timbre.

_Jake._

Quil didn't question the words, and the heated weight from his arm became vacant. I didn't question them either, and I followed obediently when he began walking across the sand. Wherever he led me, I would follow.

It was time to set things right between Jake and me.

_**An: **__I've been a busy girl posting new stories, updating, & whatnot. If you'd like to read some of my new stuff then please head on over to my profile. Always, Forever will make you cry while Clique will make you laugh at the stupidity of it. If you're looking for a heartfelt love story then Traveling Soldier or Can't Help Myself are the stories for you. Broken yet Still Breathing will probably make you depressed, though I promise it gets better! I wouldn't be me if I didn't try to write the most amount of angst possible into my stories._


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